"Unemployment... it's not just for philosophy majors anymore"

OSCARS 2010- My Picks

2010-03-07T16:11:00.004-05:00

Here are my choices for tonight's 2010 Oscars. Note these are who I think will win, but not necessarily who I *want* to win.

BEST PICTURE
"Avatar"

BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow- "The Hurt Locker"

BEST ACTOR
Jeff Bridges- "Crazy Heart"

BEST ACTRESS
Sandra Bullock- "The Blind Side"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christoph Waltz- "Inglourious Basterds"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Mo'Nique- "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

BEST ANIMATED FILM
"Up"

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
"The White Ribbon"

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
"Inglourious Basterds"- Quentin Tarantino

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
"Up in the Air"- Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
"The Hurt Locker"- Barry Ackroyd

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
"Avatar"

BEST MAKEUP
"Star Trek"

BEST ART DIRECTION
"The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
"The Young Victoria"

BEST DOCUMENTARY
"The Cove"

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT
"China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province"

BEST EDITING
"Avatar"

BEST MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)
"Up"- Michael Gicacchino

BEST MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG)
"The Weary Kind" from "Crazy Heart"

BEST SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
"A Matter of Loaf and Death"

BEST SHORT FILM (LIVE-ACTION)
"The Door"

BEST SOUND EDITING
"Avatar"

BEST SOUND MIXING
"The Hurt Locker"

--Cbake

Christmas List 2009

2009-12-14T21:42:00.006-05:00

I've been so busy lately I haven't had time to sit down and come up with a proper list, so here's a few things off the top of my head. I'll update tomorrow night when I get off work (hopefully), and add more throughout the week. Possibly.

MUSIC
1. LOST Season 4 soundtrack
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - The Complete Recordings (4-discs)
3. Twilight Zone: The Movie soundtrack
4. Any other movie soundtrack

VIDEO GAMES
1. The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks for the Nintendo DS

BOOKS
1. Easy Riders and Raging Bulls by Peter Biskind
2. Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman

IMAGINARY
1. A movie deal (really that's all I want and need)

I won't be devastated if I don't get any of these. I don't think there was anything this year I was really pining for. Least, nothing I can think of in this sleep-deprived moment. You know what I like. Pretty much anything movie-related or that will help me in my filmmaking, you know the drill!

--Cbake

Dragon*Con Update: Day 2

2009-09-05T22:28:00.004-04:00

Today was a good day. I passed Karen Allen, that's Marion Ravenwood from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and the most recent Indiana Jones movie, on the escalators, got a picture with Malcolm McDowell and R2D2, saw Draco Malfoy, and listened to Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) speak at a panel. Been seeing lots of crazy costumes too.

Zombie Hunters had a great screening last night in front of a large audience when it played in front of a very depressing feature film (why the pairing, I'm not sure), and we got a great response this past evening as well. Its great watching this with a large audience and seeing where people laugh and don't laugh. Sometimes its very surprising the reactions we get, but the zombie baby kick still gets the biggest laugh.

I've been trying to upload a few pics, but the website keeps failing every time I attempt to publish. Sorry 'bout that, I'll give it a try again later, but for now, its time to step back out into this crazy world.

--Cbake

Dragon*Con Update 1

2009-09-04T10:05:00.002-04:00

Got into town last night at 9:15, found a parking space and started walking toward registration to pick up my badge, which closed at 10:00 pm. Got to that hotel at 9:45 and had some employee tell me I was too late and they were cutting off the line. She was being extremely unhelpful. I walked past her to the Info booth, and no one there knew exactly what was going on, so the told me to check the VIP section.

I didn't know if I was VIP or not (my email wasn't working) but went anyway. Luckily, I was. So I got my badge last night, everything's groovy. Except this morning I found out I'm actually NOT VIP, I just have a 4-day Comp Pass that I had to pick up at VIP. That's disappointing.

Lots of crazy costumes around. Trying to decide whether or not to wait in line to get an expensive picture with certain celebrities...

--Cbake

Dragon*Con, here I come!

2009-09-03T08:14:00.003-04:00

A few months ago I submitted the short film I made last year, "Zombie Hunters", to the Dragon*Con Independent Film Festival in Atlanta, Georgia. From what I've been told, Dragon*Con is like the east coast version of Comic-Con, albeit with less studio interference and with more people dressed in crazy costumes.

Well, "Zombie Hunters" got accepted and will have three screenings throughout the weekend. So I got a free pass to the entire Con, and I'm excited. This will be my first Dragon*Con experience, and something tells me I am woefully underprepared for just how intimidating and huge and fun and exciting this will be.

And the list of celebrities in attendance! Here are a few of the ones I'm excited about seeing:

William Shatner
Leonard Nimoy
Patrick Stewart
Kate Mulgrew
Brad Dourif
Charisma Carpenter
Malcolm McDowell
Terry Gilliam
Mc Chris
Thomas Dekker
Peter S Beagle
Peter Mayhew
Doug Jones
Doug Bradley
Eric Roberts
Anthony Daniels
Michael Biehn

Needless to say, I can't wait. I'm spending the day running errands and trying to pack and make sure I bring everything that I need. I'll try and update if I ever get the chance to do so, and bring you pictures and interesting experiences. I hope "Zombie Hunters" is well received and that we have a great weekend! I'm sure we will, just looking at the overwhelming schedule of events!

--Cbake

Movie Reviews: "Battle Royale" with BONUS "Tokyo Gore Police"!

2009-05-24T16:11:00.006-04:00

"Battle Royale", Japanese, dir. Kinji Fukasaku (2001)
So after I returned "Infernal Affairs" and "Kwaidan", I walked into VisArt unsure of what to get next. I went back to the Asian film section and slowly glanced around, hoping something would jump out at me. Park Chan-Wook's "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance" and "Lady Vengeance" were nowhere to be seen. The Miike section was empty of any films I had heard of. Kurosawa I'm saving for later.

And then BAM, it hit me. An ordinary, unassuming cardboard colored box with a symbol, the letters "BR" surrounded by an olive branch, stamped upon it. "BATTLE ROYALE". My hand shot out and snatched the box off the shelf. "BATTLE ROYALE". I've been waiting to see this movie for nine years, and finally, I had it in my hands.

A little background on the Japanese film and why its taken me nine years to watch it. I first saw a trailer on the internet for "Battle Royale" when I was a freshman in college. It promised a violent film about high schoolers who are sent to an island to kill each other until one is left standing. This was hot on the heels of the Columbine incident, which was still fresh in Americans' minds, and so it is of no surprise that the movie never found a distributor here in the states, not even for a DVD release. And so, after a few years, I had forgotten about it. It never came out in theaters, I couldn't go buy it (and didn't try to online, assuming there was no Region 1 release for it), and it would never come on television. So when I saw it sitting on the shelf, I had to see it, because I've been anticipating it for close to a decade, as strange as that sounds to my young ears.

As I said before, "Battle Royale" is a violent film. It takes place in a not-to-distant future Japan where a terrible economy has caused record numbers of unemployment and has made the Japanese youth apathetic, disrespectful, and unruly. To combat this, and to show the young people that adults are still in charge, the government creates the Battle Royale program, where one class from among all the schools in Japan is chosen by lottery to participate.

This particularly not-so-lucky class thinks they are going on a field trip, but as they drive down the highway, they pass masked military men, and soon they are all gassed and knocked out. When they awake, they are in a derelict classroom and surrounded by soldiers. Their old teacher, Kitano (played by Beat Takeshi Kitano, who most American audiences will know as one of the co-hosts of Spike TV's "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge {MXC}"), who quit his job after one of the students stabbed him, shows up and reveals himself to be the man in charge. While the confused students demand answers, Kitano plays for them a humorous video that explains their situation.

Hosted by a cute Japanese girl dressed in a ridiculous outfit, she describes how the "game" is played through her cutesy sing-song voice. She tells them that they are on an island whose inhabitants have been evacuated. Each student will receive one bag that has some bread and water, a map of the Island, a flashlight, and one weapon. Every bag is different, so while some lucky students may get a knife, a sword, or even a gun, some unfortunate kids may receive binoculars or even a pot lid as a weapon.

And oh yeah, every student has been fitted with a metal collar. Once they learn that they are being made to kill each other, they erupt in anger. One particular student, the one who stabbed Kitano in school, rages against the teacher, and Kitano pulls out a remote and presses a button. Suddenly, the student's collar starts beeping, and he frantically darts about the room pleading with his friends for help, who all try to get as far away from his as possible. When the beeping stops, the collar explodes, blowing out his throat and causing blood to spray everywhere.

If, after three days, there is not one student remaining, if they try to protest and refuse to kill each other, then everyone's collars will explode. Each student is called forth one by one, given a pack, and pushed out of the building and into the wilderness. And so the "game" begins.

Its an interesting premise to be sure. What I most enjoyed about this film were the questions it brings up, particularly in the realm of "what would I do", and the filmmakers present almost every option. Would I refuse to fight? Would I commit suicide with my girlfriend, being unwilling to kill my friends or force them to kill me? Would I be a loner, shunning my friends, telling them to run far away so that we wouldn't have to confront each other? Would we band together? Could we trust each other?

Could you? It seems the level of trust between you and your friends would only be as strong as the weakest person. The weakest person would be the most scared and therefore would be the riskiest member, the one who, afraid we might turn on him or her, would act in self-defense and shoot us first. Its a very scary premise, and it had me thinking throughout the film about my own senior class, deciding which groups and cliques would stay together, and which ones would kill each other due to infighting.

High school is rife with backstabbing, double-crossing, hormone-driven, emotional creatures that don't hesitate to get what they want. The school slut might have stolen one girl's boyfriend in the past; you can bet that animosity will come to play when both girls are armed with weapons. That quiet, loner whom you suspected had sadistic tendencies might turn out to be a merciless killer. Or, he could be an empathetic hero. Its full of possibility, and I was fascinated, riveted with the story and wondering how it would play out.

It plays out as an ensemble film with a focus on a couple that has yet to express their true feelings for each other, but the film goes to different parts of the island to see how the different groups or individuals are handling their new situation. Often, we are shown flashbacks of the characters to see what their life was like before the Battle Royale, to see how their relationships were before they were forced to kill each other, to understand why this person acts the way she does, be it childhood trauma or a sour experience in school.

I particularly enjoyed one character who, with his friends, attempts to hack into the computer system that monitors and controls their electronic collars. He takes inspiration from his uncle, an outspoken, rebellious critic of authority and government, and he sees this as their chance to fight for freedom, to take up the cause and strike back. He sends his friends out for materials that will give them enough explosives to blow up the school. How's *that* for a metaphor.

As the body count rises and the number of students dwindle, we come to an ending that, for me, didn't make much sense upon first viewing. The teacher, Kitano, is given a few scenes that make him downright sympathetic in the end, but his final scene is so bizarre that I'm still not sure what to make of it. But its far from a dealbreaker; it just strains believability by just a hair.

"Battle Royale" isn't the violent bloodbath you might expect (much of the bloodletting is due to gunfire and the majority of it is computer-generated), and its a shame that the stain of Columbine prevents this fine example of satiric filmmaking from being released to a wider, American audience. I hear there have been rumblings of an American remake, and I pray they do it right. As the film finished, I started thinking of how I would remake the film, and I would relish the opportunity to be a part of it. The premise is rich with potential to explore angsty teenage school life, America's obsession with violence, and reality tv culture. God, I wish I could be a part of it.

*BONUS REVIEW!!!*

"Tokyo Gore Police", Japanese, dir. Yoshihiro Nishimura (2008)

The day after I watched "Battle Royale", my girlfriend and I drove up to Chapel HIll for the weekend to watch her brother graduate from college. We stayed with friends, and I noticed that the boyfriend had "Tokyo Gore Police", a weird film I had heard much about on movie websites throughout the year. I didn't know it had been released on DVD already in the states, so he and I sat down to watch it that night while the girls stepped out.

Uhm. Three words. What. The. F#$%.

--Cbake

Wait Wait Wait, a Topless Miss California Gets to Keep Her Crown?

2009-05-12T17:03:00.003-04:00

So, let's get the facts straight here:

1. Miss California, Carrie Prejean, SIGNS a CONTRACT with the pageant saying "I've never posed for nude pictures".

2. Within the past two weeks, a photo popped up from her early modeling career in which Prejean was topless, though no breasts or nipples were shown. Still, she was topless, thus violating the contract and making Preajean a liar.

3. Prejean says "That's the only one," adamantly stating this was the only time she ever posed topless.

4. One day later, another photo from the same shoot, Prejean still topless, surfaces online.

5. People say she's being unfairly attacked for her anti-gay marriage views.

6. Yesterday, MORE pictures from her modeling career surface, these taken only within the past YEAR.

7. Said pictures actually show Prejean with breasts and nipples exposed. Even though she is technically wearing a top, a full breast and nipple has to be edited out when shown by mainstream media.

This effectively makes Carrie Preajean a LIAR twice over. One, she lied to the pageant when she signed a contract saying she had never posed topless or nude (both of which she had done). Two, after the first pictures surfaced, she said those were the only ones, that was the only time she did it.

And yet these new pictures definitely show her partially nude. There is no getting around it, but she is trying, claiming it was "a windy day" and her top somehow blew off her breast.

Give me a f**king break. What really pisses me off, however, is that Donald Trump, who heads the pageant, has decided to KEEP Miss California and will NOT revoke her crown. This is a girl who has posed nude and lied about it to the pageant AND to the public, and yet Trump is basically saying "Hey, that's okay!"

Yeah, GREAT role model you've got there, Donald. I'm calling bulls**t.

--Cbake

Movie Reviews: "Infernal Affairs" and "Kwaidan"

2009-05-07T21:02:00.004-04:00

This past week I watched two more foreign films from Asia, Hong Kong's crime drama "Infernal Affairs" and Japan's ghost-story anthology "Kwaidan".

"Infernal Affairs" (2002) tells the story of two intertwined characters: one, a cop who has been working undercover as a thug in the local crime gangs for ten years, the other, a criminal working as a mole in the police department for the local gang boss. If this story sounds familiar, it should. Martin Scorsese's Oscar-winning film "The Departed" (2007) was a remake of this movie.

It was interesting to watch the original film and see where William Monahan, screenwriter of "The Departed", deviated and where he stayed faithful. Surprisingly, one of the bigger set pieces from "The Departed", a scene where the mob engages in a drug deal with a rival gang while being watched and monitored by the police, occurs extremely early in "Infernal Affairs", I believe within the first act. It is here that both sides, criminal and police, realize they have a mole in their outfit, as both detectives try to alert their side to what's happening.

Other than this reshuffling of events, the film remains very similar to Scorsese's, including the deaths of the two father figures (criminal and moral), and the way in which both detectives realize the identities of their spy-counterpart.

The biggest difference between the films is the handling of the corrupt detective, Det. Lau in "Affairs", Colin (Matt Damon) in "Departed". In "Affairs", there is a very distinct conflict raging within Lau as he wrestles with his duty to Boss Sam and his increasing desire to be a "good guy". In "Departed", I never once thought that Damon's character wished to be a normal detective, fighting crime. In both cases, the character receives a promotion and is in the process of moving into a new place with his beautiful girlfriend.

Certainly this weighs heavily on both characters' minds, but in "Departed", Damon makes his decision to cut ties with his former gang as a result of a revelation and a betrayal. It feels like an emotional reaction to bad news rather than a thoughtful and debated conclusion. In "Affairs", Lau makes the decision because he has chosen to be the "good guy" (his girlfriend, a writer, has been struggling with a new character in her book, trying to decide which side of the moral spectrum he falls into) and he wants to put his criminal past behind him.

This is a huge difference between the films. Both deal with the nature of morality and show how easy it is to blur the line between good and evil, cop and criminal. But while the good detective character (DiCaprio, Tony Leung) remains a hero in both movies, never going over to the Dark Side, "Affairs" treats the bad detective differently than "The Departed" does, giving him an air of tragedy.

The final sequence is much different than in "The Departed" (surprisingly so), and the closing shot left me feeling quite sad, whereas the final scene of "The Departed" was cathartic and left me feeling vindicated. In both films the obvious villains are the criminals, but only in "The Departed" is the mole-detective treated as such. I hated Matt Damon's character. He was a real asshole. I definitely could not say the same about Detective Lau in "Affairs".

Another large difference is the way in which the deaths are treated in this film. After a major character is killed, the film usually flashes back to moments of that character's life (in black and white) and is accompanied by a somber voiced female singing a song of woe. Western audiences might find this to be cheesy, but this could be typical of Hong Kong dramatic filmmaking. "Infernal Affairs" is still a good, taught drama, and I recommend it for fans of "The Departed" and anyone who enjoys a good crime yarn.

"Kwaidan" (1964) is a ghost-story anthology told in four parts. Indeed, the word "kwaidan" means "ghost story" in the broadest sense, but deeming a tale as such gives it an old-fashioned connotation of belonging to an older period of Japan's history (and separates it from newer Japanese horror like "The Ring" and "Ju-On"). So it is of no surprise that none of the four stories take place in contemporary Japan. The film is based on Lafcadio Hearn's collection of Japanese folk-tales, known as "Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things", and the four stories taken from his tome are as follows:

The Black Hair
The story of a poor samurai who leaves his loving wife for a marriage of convenience and social mobility elsewhere. After years of an unhappy (yet socially and monetarily profitable) marriage, he begins to miss his former wife and true love, and regrets his decision. The samurai sets out for his old home, but what he finds there will shock and horrify him.

The Woman of the Snow
The story of a woodsman and his apprentice who get lost in a snowstorm and are visited by a snow-demon or snow-vampire; a beautifully pale woman dressed all in white. She kills the elderly woodsman, blowing her icy breath into his body and stealing away his blood. She permits the apprentice to live under the condition that he promise to never tell anyone what happened that night, and if he does, she will return to kill him. The apprentice goes back to town and lives his life, soon gaining a young wife and children. Years later, however, he feels the urge to discuss the event with his wife, which may lead to disastrous results

Hoichi, the Earless
The story of a blind musician living at a monastery who can masterfully sing The Tale of the Heike that retells the Battle of Dan-no-ura, an epic sea-battle between the rival gangs of the Genji and the Heike. The monastery sits near the cliffs of that ancient battle, an area that is said to be haunted by all those who lost their lives during the war. One night he is visited by a mysterious stranger, beckoning him to come and sing for his master. As he is blind, Hoichi does not realize this is the ghost of one of the Heike samurai. After a few nights of stealing away to play for his new masters, his curious co-workers at the monastery follow him. They find him singing in a graveyard to a bunch of tombstones, so they drag him back to the priest, thinking him bewitched.

The priest determines that another night singing to the ghosts will put Hoichi permanently under their spell- and they'll "tear him to pieces", so the priest, in a very memorable moment, paints holy words and texts over every inch of Hoichi's body. This will render the musician invisible when the ghost returns. Unfortunately, the priest forgets to paint Hoichi's ears, and based on the title of the story, you may be able to figure out what happens next. The samurai, after all, must provide proof to his master that he attempted to find Hoichi, and only being able to see the musician's ears, he decides to take those back with him...

In a Cup of Tea
In what may be one of the coolest ideas, but also the shortest and most incomplete story, "In a Cup of Tea" is about a rule-breaking samurai who, when filling his bowl with refreshing tea, sees the image of a pale, smiling man reflected back at him. Dumping the tea, refilling it, and breaking the bowl brings no change- the creepily smiling man gets closer and closer, until soon his entire face fills the bowl. The angry and thirsty samurai finally disregards this ghostly image and drinks.

That night while on patrol in his master's house, he is visited by the smiling man who says the samurai attempted to wrong him earlier in the day (presumably by drinking the tea he was reflected in). The short-tempered samurai will have none of this and attacks the ghost, stabbing him in the shoulder and causing him to disappear. Later, three brightly colored ghosts appear and announce themselves as the smiling man's servants. They say the samurai has injured him, and in a few days they will return to deal with the samurai.

Again, the samurai basically says "Screw you" and attacks the apparitions, but through some clever camera-work and editing, the servants all disappear before they can be run through by the samurai's spear. Eventually, he is able to wound all of them, and they each disappear, but before he can celebrate they reappear unscathed. This causes the samurai to start laughing like a madman, the last desperate outburst of a man on the edge.

This story is actually a story within a story, and it is bookended by scenes of a man inspecting a writer's house, searching for him as he has disappeared. The man reads his new story (which is the ghost tale we have just witnessed). It has no ending (the writer mentioning in his notes he couldn't find one suitable enough), and as the man goes for a drink of tea, he is horrified to find the writer's image smiling back at him through the reflection.

"Kwaidan" was directed by Masaki Kobayashi, who gave the film a very artful look. Most outdoor scenes were shot in sound-stages, allowing for great control over color in the background. "The Woman of the Snow" features some beautiful sets, including painted backgrounds featuring giant, creepy eyes that represent the snow-witch while also looking like natural formations. Kobayshi transforms the mood of a scene instantly by changing the lights from warm yellows to cold, icy blues within the same shot.

The Battle of Dan-no-ura in the Hoichi tale features bright oranges and yellows and incorporates a massive amount of dry-ice created fog to give the set a beautiful, yet spooky look. In one sequence, as Hoichi's friends look for him, they find floating balls of fire, a brilliant effect that is later repeated as the graveyard Hoichi sang in is once again transformed into the ghostly temple he thought he was performing in. The balls of fire float and dance all across the set, and nary a wire is to be seen guiding them. Its an effect I hope to emulate one day.

Kobayshi also uses some interesting camerawork, especially in "The Black Hair" (a tale that may have influenced the spooky, long black hair-obsessed stories of "The Ring" and "Ju-On" aka "The Grudge"). In this story, once the samurai is driven mad and starts running through his derelict house, Kobayashi slowly dollies the camera after the samurai and, within the same shot, turns it into a canted Dutch angle to represent the descent into madness. It makes for a beautiful shot that I rewound to watch again and again.

In fact, a case could be made for Kobayshi using each story to focus on a particular aspect of filmmaking. "The Black Hair" featured some interesting camerawork, "The Woman of the Snow" some brilliant set design and lighting, "Hoichi, the Earless" special effects, and "In a Cup of Tea" editing.

"Kwaidan" was a very enjoyable film, though at times it did feel long, as none of the stories are particularly exciting. The music is extremely spartan, popping up only every once in awhile as the sound of a traditional instrument being played loudly for a brief moment, used to heighten our awareness of what's occurring in a scene. But it was a beautiful film for the most part, and I'd gladly watch it again, as I feel there is much to be learned from Kobayashi's style of filmmaking and his ability to create mood.

Well that's all for now. Next week the Asian Film Fest continues with a look at the banned-in-the United States kids-with-guns flick, "Battle Royale".

--Cbake

Movie Review: "Memories of Murder"

2009-04-29T22:43:00.002-04:00

So after friday night's viewing of the 1965 adaptation of Agatha Christie's murder mystery, "Ten Little Indians", I moved on to another movie about multiple murders, this one coming from South Korea. Writer/director Bong Joon-Ho, recently made famous in the States last year for his monster movie "The Host", adapts his screenplay, "Memories of Murder", from a stage play based on the real-life story of South Korea's first serial killer. Its a strong and engaging detective film that pulls you into the world of rural South Korea circa 1986, but it can often leave you as frustrated as the detectives working the case.

The film opens with a gorgeously lit close-up shot of a young boy in the fields studying an insect on a leaf. He picks it up inquisitively, uncaring toward the pain he might be causing it (perhaps a parallel to how the killer treats his victims). From there we follow a tractor as it takes our main protagonist, Detective Park Doo-Man, to the discovery of the first victim. Here we see just how ineffective and unprepared the rural investigative teams are, having had no experience with a case this gruesome. Reporters show up before the CSI and forensics teams do, and key clues- such as the imprint of one of the killer's sneakers- are erased by unobservant farmers. The crime scenes are tainted, and yet this does not deter Detective Park, a man who believes entirely in his own ability to tell who is innocent and who is guilty just by looking them in the eye.

Det. Park goes through the motions, interviewing men that knew the girl, lining up potential subjects, but holding on to the belief that he will soon solve the case. A second body is found, and with it comes a detective from the big city of Seoul, and its clear from the beginning that he and Park will butt heads- literally, as Det. Park mistakes the new Detective Seo for a rapist and attacks him, the first of Det. Park's many misjudgments of character. Park and his short-tempered partner, Detective Cho, begin to suspect the local mentally retarded boy, who was seen following the first victim around, as the killer.

Its here that we see the failures of the local police and the mistrust the public had for them- something that perhaps mirrors what all of South Korea felt at the time, as they were still under military rule at the time and would soon experience the scandal of having a student tortured to death by the government (none of this is mentioned in the film, I had to research it myself, but would be known to all Korean viewers). Short-tempered Cho, with an OK from Park, begins to beat the young man for information, and Park coaches the boy into a taped confession, which the boy does not even realize is happening.

The Seoul detective, Seo, sits back in amusement as he investigates the case on his own. After prematurely announcing they've caught the killer and posing for pictures with the press, they realize their suspect is not the killer and release him to much embarrassment. There's a shakeup within the force, and a new police chief is assigned to the case with Park, Seo, and Cho still searching for clues.

Despite their initial ineptitude, Park and Cho demonstrate they do have good detective qualities, with Park determining that since they've not found any pubic hairs at any of the murder sites (now up to 3), the killer must be hairless or shave. Seo realizes that all the murders have taken place on rainy nights. A female officer who lurks in the background for most of the film makes the connection between times of the murder and a requested song that plays on the radio station on those nights.

With these clues, they attempt to prevent the next murder from happening, but are unable due to lack of manpower. It seems the detectives are as powerless as the Korean people, and this idea is reinforced later when the detectives are shown pushing their broken down police car to jump-start it, or when they realize there is no technology in Korea to match DNA samples and that they must send their evidence to America.

My favorite sequence involves Park and Cho returning to the site of one of the murders to look for clues. They hear someone approaching and, thinking its the killer returning to the scene of the crime, hide. It turns out to be Det. Seo with a radio that plays the song the murderer requests each night he kills. At first it seems to be a red herring- is Det. Seo the killer? But soon someone *else* arrives, forcing Seo to hide behind a hill on the other side of the murder site, unaware that Park and Cho are hiding close by. This new potential suspect does some strange and unmentionable things at this site, and once aware that he's being watched, takes off. Park and Cho explode from their hiding place on one side, Seo on the other, and with confused looks to each other, the trio takes off on a choreographed chase after the suspect.

I'm trying to avoid turning this into a mere summary of the film, but this sequence allows Park and Cho to shine in front of the big city Detective Seo. Once again, Park is *sure* of the man's guilt (by looking in his eyes, remember), and he and Cho again torture and force a confession from the suspect. This is important because it becomes a common theme for the film: Park's overconfidence in himself to find the killer based on instinct, and the regrettable (and seemingly ordinary and usual) use of physical violence on suspects in order to get confessions and close cases.

Eventually, the search for the killer takes its toll on the three men. Seo looks more thin and haggard as the film progresses, and his temper reaches its breaking point. Cho can no longer contain himself (or follow the Chief's orders to stop beating up suspects) and his violent outbursts cost him his job, his health, and a valuable witness (the mentally retarded boy from earlier). Park begins to doubt himself and his "ability".

Without knowing too much of South Korea's history, I get the idea that perhaps director Bong was suggesting this was the government's fault; the detectives could never solve the case because the country's problems came from the top down. The horrible crimes and the failure of the police were indicative of the country (at the time) as a whole.

The film ends with Detective Park in the year 2003, now a businessman with children (and still using his "look me in the eyes" technique to tell if people are guilty), once again visiting the site of the first murder. A child approaches and asks what he's doing. She then tells him another man came there a little bit before, saying he once did something there and he wanted to remember. Park, out of the investigative game for an unknown time, can't help but ask what the man looked like.

"Ordinary," she says. Nothing special. And with that, Park, in a close-up, swivels his head from the side and looks straight into the camera, at us, with tears in his eyes, a shot that almost mirrors that opening close-up of the young boy; two characters without a clue.

And then the credits roll. One of my biggest criticisms of the film is how it fails to tell you what year it is (except for the opening "1986" and the epilogue's "2003". Researching the film and the true events, I discovered that there were ten murders between 1986 and 1991. I would have liked some text at the end explaining that the case remains open (though the statue of limitations is rapidly approaching), or some title cards spread throughout the film to give us a sense of how much time has passed. Watching the movie, I thought all that we had seen took place over a one year period. And maybe it did. Or maybe it was spread out over a couple of years- I have no idea, nothing ever gave us a clear indication of the passage of time.

"Memories of Murder" reminded me very much of David Fincher's "Zodiac", another film based on true events that showcased the search for a serial killer and all the red herrings and false suspects and failures that came with it. Both films showed how the obsession with finding the killer took its toll on those involved, though in the case of "Memories", we are given glimpses into the private life of only Detective Park. We don't know how the case screwed up the Chief's marriage (if it did), or what happened to Detective Seo (did he give up? Go crazy? Move back to Seoul?), though conclusions can be made about Detective Cho's fate, based on his final scenes in the film.

So, "Memories of Murder" was a very engaging film, and its got me interested into the real story and the history of South Korea at the time. Director Bong Joon-Ho is two for two with me right now (I enjoyed "The Host" quite a bit), and I very much look forward to his collaboration with "Oldboy" director Park Chan-Wook on "Snow Train".

Next up we'll continue the Asian foreign film theme with either the Hong Kong crime-drama "Infernal Affairs", which was remade as Scorsese's "The Departed", or the Japanese horror anthology "Kwaidan".

--Cbake

"Ten Little Indians": A Movie Review

2009-04-26T23:50:00.007-04:00

Hello faithful readers,

It has been *far* too long since my last blog posting. Since my last post, I've had some pretty consistent videography and editing work, and I'd like to say that's the reason I haven't written anything of late, but the truth is, I haven't thought of anything that interesting.

However, today I have a movie review for you all. For the past two years, I've been wanting to continue my cinematic education by watching a new movie a day; old ones, classics, indies, foreign films- it didn't matter. Then, an editor by the name of Quint at AintItCoolNews, a movie news website I've visited everyday since late 1996, created a column called "A Movie a Day" last year where he watched and reviewed a movie every day for a few months.

It inspired me to start watching films again. The problem was, I didn't go to Blockbuster anymore partly out of economic reasons, but partly out of laziness too. And while NetFlix would be the best bang for my buck, being cheap and easy, I felt the need to support my local indie video rental store, VisArt. The problem was, I could never bring myself to drive over to Visart, despite the fact that its only a few blocks away.

All that changed last friday as I found myself at the very corner of 7th St and Pecan Ave where VisArt is located. After having spent the day getting work done, running errands, and generally being very productive, I felt it was finally time to step back into VisArt.

I hadn't been there in probably nine years. I didn't know if I even still had a membership card, and as it turns out, I had been using my father's card way back in 1999/2000 when I was looking for Akira Kurosawa films to use as research for my Senior Exit Essay project in high school.

So, I got a new card, and feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of incredible films, both classic and rare, I strolled through the aisles without any idea of what I wanted to watch that night, hoping a movie would jump out at me. As I made my way to the foreign film section, I remembered that I really enjoyed Korean director Bong Joon-Ho's comic horror film "The Host", and had heard his previous film "Memories of Murder", which detailed the search for South Korea's first serial killer, was quite good. So I grabbed it.

Walking through another aisle, the box for "Ten Little Indians" jumped out at me, and remembering that Agatha Christie's classic murder mystery had inspired such films as "The Usual Suspects" and "Clue", I thought it'd be a good companion to my other film about murder and mayhem.

"Ten Little Indians" is about ten strangers who are summoned to a remote location (originally an island, in this adaptation an isolated, snowy mountain mansion) by a mysterious Mr. U.N. Owen (get it? He's Mr. UNknOwen). The group is comprised of an actress, a popular young singer, a doctor, a judge, a general, a private investigator, an engineer, a secretary who was told she would be working for Mr. Owen, and two servants hired by him as well (through an agency), though no one has ever met the man.

After dinner on the first night, the servant was instructed (per Mr. Owen) to start a recording. He thought it would play music but is surprised to hear Mr. Owen (an uncredited Christopher Lee, a perfect use for a voice as awesome as his) address each guest and reveal their dark secrets. It turns out that each guest has been responsible for the death of an innocent person, and Mr. Owen intends for them to pay for their crimes. The guests discover each room has a copy of the old nursery rhyme "Ten Little Indians" hanging from the walls. Might its lyrics, with such lines as "Ten little Indian boys went out to dine; One choked his little self and then there were nine," be a clue as to how each member will meet his or her fate?

As guests are picked off one by one in line with the nursery rhyme, the survivors begin to distrust each other and conclude that Mr. Owen, the killer, is actually one of the guests pretending to be someone else. Some will pick sides, trusting one other person to help discover the killer, others will go at it alone. Some will choose to confess their guilt while others maintain their innocence in regards to the deaths Mr.Owen mentioned in his recording.

While this premise makes for a very excellent thriller, I was surprised at how light the tone was, which might be a reflection of the decade in which this was made (it was released in 1965 and is black and white). Right off the bat we're in the swinging sixties as jazzy music plays over the opening credits, an unexpected choice given the subject matter. I hardly remember any moments in which the music was tense. Most of the time it was pretty playful and often included strains of the nursery rhyme's tune. This took away from some of the tension, and I feel it didn't live up to its potential. I couldn't help but think had Alfred Hitchcock directed this film, it would have been an instant classic thriller.

That's not to say its not a good film. I very much enjoyed trying to figure out who was Mr. Owen or if he was indeed part of the group, and there was a twist at the end that I really did not see coming (I've learned the ending is different than it was in the original novel by Christie). It was interesting seeing what lines from the nursery rhyme would be used to kill each guest, as some of the lyrics involve bee stings and bear maulings, animals which I wouldn't expect to find in a snowy, mountain mansion.

This film was also the first (and maybe last) to feature a "WHODUNIT? BREAK!" in which, just before the final reveal, the film pauses for a minute and flashbacks to the previous killings to help you try and figure out who the killer is. Its a bit gimmicky (and removed from the film on DVD, you can find it in the Special Features). As I said, I was surprised by the end when all was said and done.

I was also surprised to see that "Clue", an awesome comedic adaptation of the classic board game from the 80's, is almost a straight-up remake of "Ten Little Indians". Only the guests don't get murdered in "Clue", the poor souls that visit the mansion during the mystery do. Its easy to see how "The Usual Suspects" was influenced by it too, taking the premise of random strangers thrown together by a mysterious and powerful man who knows their dark secrets and who might actually be one of the group members.

So good points:
-Christopher Lee's uncredited voice
-the rather attractive Daliah Lavi playing the actress
-the servant who looked just like Alfred Molina
-the famous premise
-the creative deaths
-the mystery

And some bad points:
-the light tone at times
-the jazzy, non-suspenseful music
-the quick resolution

I rather enjoyed the film and would like to see its other incarnations, including 1945's "And Then There Were None", the 1974 version of "Indians" (featuring Oliver Reed and Richard Attenborough) and 1989's adaptation (with Donald Pleasance and FRANK STALLONE!). And actually, I think this would be a GREAT remake for today's time. For one, its been remade so many times, so I don't think anyone can say only *one* film is a classic and can't be touched (its also been made into a stage play), and two, horror remakes are all the rage. I wouldn't turn this into a straight horror/slasher film, but I think its a great thriller and can be retooled for modern audiences. In fact, I've already written notes for an updated adaptation and will add it to my long list of future projects to one day concentrate on. So please, don't get any ideas (and please don't steal mine). If one day you see an update of "Ten Little Indians" starring a bunch of teenagers, you'll know I got screwed.

Next review will be of Bong Joon-Ho's "Memories of Murder", and while I don't have the time to do a movie a day, as much as I'd like, I'll try to make this a consistent project.

Stay tuned, True Believers,
--Cbake

2008- The Best Year Ever UPDATE!

2009-02-15T20:09:00.002-05:00

Forgot to add this to the list:

WORST OSCAR MISTAKE- Giving the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects to "The Golden Compass" over "Transformers". That just isn't right.

--Cbake

2008- The Best Year EVER

2009-02-15T17:21:00.002-05:00

Well, I tried my best to put out my annual "Best and Worst" list on time this year, but its obvious I failed miserably. I'll blame it on a combination of being very busy during the final weeks of December, very busy during the month of January, *and* the problematic fact that I have had a hard time thinking of entries for the Best and Worst song categories.

But, I don't want wait until May (like last year) before offering up some unasked for opinions, so here we go.

2008. Was. The Best. Year. EVER!

BEST MOVIE- "Wall-E"
BEST MOVIE BASED OFF A COMIC BOOK- "The Dark Knight"
BEST SONG- "15 Step" by Radiohead (technically came out in 2007, but the Grammy's recognize it as a 2008 release, so I will too)
BEST TV SHOW, DRAMA- "LOST" (was there any doubt?)
BEST TV SHOW, COMEDY- "Saturday Night Live"
BEST SHORT FILM- "Zombie Hunters"
BEST MOVIE TRAILER- "Watchmen"
BEST SNL DIGITAL SHORT- "J**z in My Pants"
BEST CONCERT- Radiohead at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
BEST BOOK THAT TOOK ME OVER A YEAR TO FINISH- "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"
BEST SPORTING EVENT- UNC men's basketball beats Duke at Cameron Indoor Stadium (sorry for your senior night, DeMarcus Nelson)
BEST MUSTACHE- The Cap'n Hook
BEST CEREAL- Cocoa Krispies
BEST PRESIDENT- President-elect Obama
BEST DOG- Australian Shepherd (I miss you, Buddy)

And now, for the dreaded WORST...

WORST MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE- "Disaster Movie"
WORST SONG I DIDN'T LISTEN TO- "Bartender" by Rehab (a stretch... did Nickelback release anything this year?)
WORST TV CHANNEL- MTV (its a travesty what you've become)
WORST TV SHOW- *Anything* on MTV
WORST SHORT FILM- "Treevenge", which stole my idea
WORST MOVIE TRAILER- "Disaster Movie"
WORST DECISION BY A MOVIE STUDIO- Warner Brothers postponing the release date of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" by 8 months
WORST SPORTING EVENT- UNC loses to Kansas (very badly) in the Final Four
WORST MUSTACHE- The Hitler
WORST PRESIDENT- President Bush
WORST ECONOMIC MELTDOWN- Ours

See you in 2009 (hopefully not 2010), assuming blogger.com doesn't go out of business!

--Cbake

Thoughts on Twitter

2008-12-15T23:08:00.002-05:00

Its probably the best kind of blog for someone who takes lots of drugs.

--Cbake

Christmas List 2008 Update: Books

2008-12-15T17:45:00.003-05:00

Here are a few books to add to the list, you know, in case you'd discovered you just haven't gotten me enough presents this Christmas/Birthday.

1. "Cinematic Storytelling: The 100 Most Powerful Film Conventions Every Filmmaker Must Know"
by Jennifer Van Sijil

2. "Setting Up Your Shots: Great Camera Moves Every Filmmaker Should Know"
by Jeremy Vineyard.

Well, I uh, I guess that's only two books. One short of "a few". I thought I had another one, but I can't recall it at the moment.

--Cbake

Christmas List 2008

2008-12-02T14:35:00.011-05:00

Here's a quick Christmas List for anyone that may be shopping for me this Holiday season. I came up with this pretty quickly, and I fully expect to UPDATE this list frequently as more ideas come to me.

PRODUCTION SUPPLIES

Final Cut Studio (editing software; I need to update beyond that which I have, Final Cut Express)
- I may find a college student friend who can purchase this for me: they get almost half-off I think

A shotgun microphone
- An XLR cable to go with it (attaches to camera)

A sturdier tripod perhaps

DVDs

-Blade Runner: 4-Disc Collector's Edition
-Wall-E: 3-Disc Special Edition
-Batman: The Animated Series - The COMPLETE Series (like, 17 or 18 discs)
-Ikiru - Criterion Collection (by Akira Kurosawa)
*any other awesome DVDs I might not have (just make sure they're the Special Edition versions, usually more than 1 disc)

MUSIC

-"The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - The Complete Recordings" by Howard Shore (4-disc set)
-"The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - The Complete Recordings" by Howard Shore (4-disc set)
-Any CD by Jethro Tull. A "Best of", "Aqualung"- something. I've been wanting some Tull for awhile.
*any other interesting soundtracks

BOOKS

-"The Complete Making of Indiana Jones" by J.W. Rinzler
-"The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead" by Max Brooks (preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse)
-Any "Art of" books, like "Art of Wall-E", or "Art of Star Wars: Episode III". I dig any book that has tons of concept art for movies
*any other books on film

TOYS/GEEKY STUFF

MIGHTY MUGGS
-Mola Rom from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
-Henry Jones Sr from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
-Yoda from Star Wars
-any other Mighty Muggs characters (also from the Marvel Universe) that aren't Chewbacca and C-3PO (already have those)

VIDEO GAMES

NINTENDO WII
-Guitar Hero IV: World Tour (would prefer to have it come with the new guitar)
-The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
-Okami
-Bloom Box (created by Steven Spielberg!)

Remember: I'll be updating!

--Cbake

What I Learned From the Presidential Election

2008-12-02T14:11:00.002-05:00

Obama is an easy person to imitate.

John McCain should have been president the past 8 years, but not the next 4.

I never want to see Sarah Palin or Joe the Plumber ever again.

The John McCain we've seen the past 9 months was actually a robot made by the Republican party. They destroyed that robot as punishment after it failed to secure the presidency, and the real McCain was released to give his concession speech.

Give Palin a tv show. I won't watch it. But don't give her the chance to rule the nation.

The Election might be responsible for a resurgence in Saturday Night Live's popularity over the next few years.

Making Joe the Plumber a symbol for the Republican party was and is a bad, bad idea.

With Obama's victory, the rest of the world looks at America as something to once again be respected, admired, and imitated. I don't think any other candidate could have done that.

--Cbake

I Just Did Something Very Stupid

2008-10-24T03:22:00.000-04:00

I just brushed my teeth with Icy Hot.

--Cbake

My Film "Zombie Hunters" is a Top Ten Finalist

2008-10-17T12:11:00.003-04:00

Hey all. Some of you readers may know that back in August I shot a short film for a contest asking for zombie films. My short was titled "Zombie Hunters", and many of you (if you're reading this on Facebook) received invites to be zombie extras and some of you actually showed up and made it in the movie. I shot the film in 2 days and edited it in one week, finishing it the day of the deadline.

Well I am happy to announce that I received an email last week notifying me that "Zombie Hunters" made it into the Top Ten! Originally, the contest winners were going to be announced weeks ago during the planned, but now postponed until February, Zombie Film Fest weekend that had "Night of the Living Dead" series writer/director George Romero coming to showcase his films and judge the finalists for the contest.

Fortunately for him, his newest zombie film got the greenlight from Fox and he went off to Canada to shoot his new movie (dubbed by internet fans as "Island of the Dead"). Unfortunately for us, this meant the film fest was postponed, and those of us who had entered films in the contest wondered if we'd have to wait until February to find out who won.

Well, as I stated above, we found out last week who the Top Ten finalists were. I had been waiting for the email all day, and when it finally showed up in my inbox, I very slowly and carefully read through the email, hoping to not spoil the surprise. I got to the list of winners and scrolled down (I had to read this email on my phone).

The first three finalists went by. My film wasn't one of them. Then another three. Then two more. Still no "Zombie Hunters". I began to lose a little bit of hope. Then finally, I came the last title on the list. "Zombie Hunters" by Chris Baker.

Sitting in my car in a parking lot, windows and sunroof down, I began to let out loud shouts of jubilation and triumph, continuing as I backed out and drove away, scaring elderly pedestrians that walked to their cars nearby.

So, The Light Factory will hold a screening for the Top Ten finalists thursday, October 23rd. There, they will announce the Top FIVE films that will be sent to George Romero for him to choose a winner. Wish me luck. I think "Zombie Hunters" has an excellent chance.

Excited,
--Cbake

House Republicans Should Get Over Themselves

2008-09-30T15:47:00.005-04:00

Okay, I don't usually discuss politics on my blog, but sometimes a situation arises in which I feel the patriotic duty to speak out against. Yesterday, one such situation occurred.

As we now know, yesterday the US House of Representatives failed to pass a $700 billion bailout plan to help our woefully pathetic economy. I'm not an Econ or Business major, so I cannot debate about whether or not the bailout plan is a good thing for America.

Do I think something should be done? Yes.
Do I think CEOs should benefit in any way from this bailout plan? No.
Do I think the bailout plan represents a turn toward socialism? I really don't know.

What I DO know is that as our country languishes in a time of economic crisis, the House of Representatives couldn't put aside their differences and petty squabbling to do what is best for the country. I'm speaking about the dozen or so Republicans that voted against the bailout plan just to spite House Majority Leader, Democratic Representative Nancy Pelosi.

Before the vote, Pelosi said something along the lines of "... this bailout plan is just a fraction of what eight years of Bush's failed economic policies have cost us." Was that appropriate? Of course not. Did it interject partisan politics into a situation that should have been bipartisan? Yes, though comments like those do not and should not affect the vote in any way. The negotiations had been completed and the bailout plan was already down on paper. Comments such as hers would not delay negotiations or mire Congress down in endless debate. It was time to vote. Nothing she said should help or hurt the process.

Unfortunately, some Republicans decided to play the political game and, because she said such hurtful things about Bush, decided they would vote *against* the bailout plan just to spite her. Tell me, who looks more like the selfish, spoiled child in this scenario? The one who made the inappropriate comments or the ones who took inappropriate action?

The Republican response was shameful. To punish the American public because "they got their feelings hurt" is ridiculous. I am not defending Pelosi's comments, but they were harmless. They were partisan and inappropriate, sure, but the Republicans should have taken the high ground and ignored them, and when the vote was over, they could go back to playing games and say in the press that Pelosi was out of line with her comments. Then she would look like the villain in this game. Instead, they decided to act like children and stamped their feet and refused to go along because they did not like what she said.

And in times such as these, when Americans see their 401ks and retirement funds drop by almost 50%, that kind of petty behavior hurts the country more than helps and should not be tolerated. Those Republicans should be ashamed of themselves, and so should anyone that supports an immature decision such as that.

--Cbake

Harry Potter and the Magic Box of Mystery

2008-09-17T16:21:00.005-04:00

I'm a slow reader. This wasn't always the case. When I was young, I read quickly. In fourth grade, we had a competition for who could read the most books on a list that was given out for all who wanted to participate. I remember reading one book about an American kid in Australia that goes on a Walkabout around Ayer's Rock and completing that story in one day. ONE day. I snuck around the teacher, reading when she was instructing, reading at the lunch table, reading after I finished my classwork (I worked fast too). But now that's no longer the case. Now I'm slow. This leads me to Harry Potter. Why? Because after more than a year since its release and after more than a year of reading it, I still have not finished the final book in the series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

As I said above, I used to read quickly. But as the years went by and I became more fascinated with creative writing, so did my interest in how writers wrote, what they were saying, how they accomplished such stirring passages. I became more concerned with reading slowly to fully appreciate what the writer was trying to accomplish, soaking in the details so as to get a full picture in my head. I became so attached to this notion of a complete and total imagined world that how I was affected by the writing became a bigger concern than the story itself.

If a particular sentence impressed me, I reread it. I said it out loud, sometimes over and over to pick up on the cadence, the alliteration, the rhythm. I studied it to decipher its code, to understand *why* it affected me the way it did. This was all done in the hopes that it would make me a better writer. Studying great work can make one great. But if it was more than a sentence, if it was a paragraph or passage that moved me, I wanted to hold on to that feeling. You know the feeling. Its that sudden rush of the pulse when something dramatic happens in your mind's eye, something unexpected or exciting, something that makes your heart leap with joy or crushes it with despair. Its the puppet reacting to the master puppeteer who uses words to manipulate instead of strings.

When something like this happened, I wanted to hold on to it, as if simply experiencing it again would help me see *why* it was good writing. So often, when I pick a book back up after not reading for a few days, I would reread the last few pages before the new ones start, to get me back up to speed, to put me back into that mood the writer had successfully placed me in during my last read-through. And so, of course, this ends up delaying the process considerably.

As for Harry Potter, I'm sure the fact that "Deathly Hallows" is the last in the series has something to do with taking an even longer time to finish. I don't enjoy reading the book quickly just so that I *know* how it ends. I like to extend the mystery, to savor all the twists and turns. If I speed through it, I'm liable to forget what happens, but if I go through it slowly, pouring over every passage, then its greatness will stick in my mind. And since this is the last of the series, it's sure to have many twists and turns, and so far it hasn't disappointed in that respect.

After one particular incident, the surprising death of a beloved character that won't be named here, I was so moved that I had to put the book down. It was a surprising turn that had a lot of thematic weight behind it and the nature of the death was so different than all the characters' deaths that had preceded it in the series. So I stopped reading. I did not really want to go further.

Because going further meant a greater chance of someone else being killed. Now, I'm not going to go into a conversation about the nature of imagining this world and treating the characters like some sort of meta-family and being crushed by the loss of any of them. Instead, I'll discuss J.J. Abrams, co-creator of LOST, and the Magic Box.

A while back, I watched a video of J.J. addressing an audience at TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design; a conference joining people from these three worlds) and speaking about the Magic Box. Basically, when he was a kid, J.J.'s grandfather bought him something called the Magic Box, which consisted of a brown box with a large question mark on its front. I believe it was some sort of kit full of magic tricks, with toys, props, instructions, and all sorts of other goodies. Or maybe it had nothing to do with magic at all, maybe it truly was a mysterious grab-bag with infinite potential.

And that's how J.J. saw it. He's been obsessed with boxes all his life- unfolding them, how to build them, what you can put inside of them. Well when he got this box, he chose not to open it. For years, it sat in his room, unopened. And then, on stage, he brought it out to show the audience, and it remained intact, its seals unbroken. This Magic Box has sat in J.J.'s office ever since, a reminder that anything is possible.

That's what the box represents: all possibilities, an infinite number of answers, all sorts of surprises and disappointments. And J.J. never wanted to know what truly lay inside that box. That's how he treats his shows (as anyone who watches LOST can attest). Plots should be mystery boxes that are slowly opened, revealing small bit by bit to the hungry audience.

That's how I view this final chapter of "Harry Potter". Before the book was published, I had all sorts of ideas on how it was going to end, on how I thought it *should* end. And as I get closer to the big finish, as more characters die, and as the plot goes in directions I never considered, one conclusion becomes certain: this will not end how I thought it would. The more I read, the less likely any of my ideas will come true. And this story could have gone in MANY different directions.

So I'm a little apprehensive about finishing the story. I still want it to be open, to have that possibility and potential that anything could happen, but as I get closer to the end, those possibilities will narrow to only one. And as I said before, I like to savor moments, to draw out these epic stories so that they do feel long, and I know I am approaching the climax. I have this feeling that if I pick the book back up, I will not be able to put it back down because the dramatic events that are to unfold will just be SO damn interesting. And then this epic story will come to an end in one night and I won't get to really soak in the atmosphere and mood and take in the weighty events that are to unfold.

And then its over.

And maybe that's the real problem. I just don't want it to be over. Ah well. "All good things..." right? I'll pick it up later tonight when its dark outside and the only noise comes from the subdued television chatter in the background, and then I'll disappear back into that world, ready for whatever is to come next.

--Cbake

PS: If anyone responds to this, please do so without any spoilers regarding the stories after Book 5. Some people who read this blog have only watched the movies and have no idea of what is to come.

Fergie Update

2008-09-11T20:49:00.002-04:00

So, strangely enough, a day after I posted the blog entry below about all "Fergalicious" parodies being yanked from YouTube, the videos suddenly reappeared. No explanation. No messages. No apologies.

I'd like to think my expose had something to do with the decision to reinstate the videos. But that would mean I'd have to be a raging egomaniac. I know they were just threatened by my incredibly impressive and undeniably awesome music-video directing skills. That's what did it.

--Cbake

Fergie Can't Take a Joke, Kills YouTube Parodies of Her Song

2008-08-29T13:17:00.003-04:00

Logging onto YouTube this morning I discovered that one of my video posts, an entertaining spoof of Fergie's song "Fergalicious", written by my cousin for a group class science-project and called "Sciencelicious" had been taken down without any notification from YouTube or explanation.

After digging around, I found out that many other parodies, be it "Mathmaticious" or "Chongalicious", have been taken down as well. The only explanation I can come up with? Fergie and her record label decided parody was an infringement upon her intellectual property. Which is BULLS**T.

Surprisingly, other parodies like "Bananalicious" and "Calculicious" are still standing, which leads me to believe either the lawyers' goons haven't found every other video yet (which is surprising when the "Related Videos" window to the right makes it oh so easy to do), or there's some other foul intent at work.

You know, I never really liked, or respected, Fergie to begin with, but crap like this, removing videos by innocent young people who just want to use that musical beat to make fun songs and then share those videos with the world, making absolutely NO financial or professional gain from it, doesn't help her case and is pretty ludicrous.

No news stories have picked up on this, and I don't expect many to do so. Maybe some emails to CNN will shed some light on this story.

Fergie, you're now on my Enemy List. Or would be if I was Richard Nixon.

--Cbake

Do America a favor: DON'T go see "Disaster Movie"

2008-08-29T12:56:00.004-04:00

I'll keep this simple: Don't go see the new film "Disaster Movie" in theaters. Its not parody. Its not satire. It shouldn't even be qualified as comedy.

The writer/directors, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, are nothing more than hacks who don't or can't appreciate real satire. And while this may sound like the angry rants of a jealous filmmaker wannabe, let me explain why these guys stink at their job and why they dupe the American public into thinking they have talent.

First, we'll start with "Scary Movie", a parody of teenage slasher flicks, mainly "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer". These movies succeeded because, like "Airplane", while they made fun of particular films, they had their own storylines and characters that deviated a bit from the source material while also crafting jokes that exposed the inane qualities of the movies being parodied. These films stood on their own as being (debatably) good works of comedic art. That's what satire should do: expose the source as being ridiculous while being entertaining and informative in its own right.

What Friedberg and Seltzer have done instead is just reference every movie that has come out the previous year. This does not make satire. Their movies are crammed with pop culture and movie references that, when looked back in three years, will have been forgotten and possibly won't make sense to the viewer. Simply putting a character onscreen that looks like a miniature version of Indiana Jones or a nude Incredible Hulk is NOT funny on its own and does absolutely nothing for parodying the source material.

I watched their previous film "Date Movie" one day when it was on tv and I had nothing better to do. What a failure. Not funny in the least. I gave them a second chance with "Epic Movie", but that was only marginally better (and I credit Darrell Hammond's spot on Capt. Jack Sparrow impression for that). "Epic Movie" doesn't even qualify as a real full-length feature film. Feature films should be at least 90 minutes long. An hour and a half. "Epic Movie" clocks in at only 86 minutes, and TEN minutes of that was devoted to the end credits. The credits!

Only films like "Titanic" and "Lord of the Rings" should have credits that long, and while the case can be made that "Epic Movie" was making fun of epic films and their long credit sequences, I can't give credit to the filmmakers' intelligence. Not only were the credits stretched out to barely come close to being considered a feature film, but a useless and pathetic attempt at a "dance sequence" was inserted into the credits to make them even longer. It was sad to see these guys stretch so hard and still come up short. If they had actually come up with a real plot that truly made fun of epic films, filled with jokes that expose how seriously those films take themselves, then perhaps they never would have had to struggle to meet the feature-length runtime.

"Disaster Movie" looks even worse. Instead of crafting an interesting parody of disaster films like "Twister" and "Armageddon", it looks like these natural disasters take a backseat to lame references to recent movies like "Juno" and "The Dark Knight", to celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Amy Winehouse. This shouldn't be called "Disaster Movie". It should be called "Dumb Reference Movie" since the entire thing will be filled with lines like "Look, its Dr. Phil!" and "Look, its Hannah Montannah!", all the while the filmmakers will laugh and wink and say "Aren't we clever and funny for including those characters?" Just what the f**k do Alvin and the Chipmunks have to do with earthquakes and asteroids?!

And the problem is, the American public will fall for it. So I IMPLORE you. DON'T go see "Disaster Movie". Support real filmmakers who actually give their all to craft an intelligent and witty film. Go see "Tropic Thunder" instead. Or, as derivative as it looks to be, "The House Bunny". The people behind those movies actually tried to inject some originality into their films. Friedberg and Seltzer just string together bad skits and steal your money.

Don't help them. Don't encourage them. Only when these movies stop making money will these two finally be kicked back to the mailroom or production assistant position where they belong (and I certainly don't want to offend any true creative types that are still working their way up from those positions).

Seriously, if you go see this movie, I will lose much respect for you.

Hey look, its Iron Man being crushed by a rock!
--Cbake

LOST

2008-07-26T16:04:00.004-04:00

LOST.

Fantastic show. Interesting characters. Complex plot. Mysterious Island.

I love it. Love the show. Am absolutely jealous of everyone in San Diego this week for Comic-Con for they get a first peak at new tidbits of information regarding Season 4. A friend who is there just text messaged to tell me the LOST panel was amazing. That lucky bastard.

Then I thought of this interesting observation. Everyone, when typing or writing about the show, refers to LOST as "LOST". It's never "Lost", never "loSt". It's always capitalized, every single letter. L-O-S-T.

I wonder why that is. You never see someone write about "GREY'S ANATOMY" or "HOUSE", yet this show demands every letter to be capitalized. Maybe its because the show's titles have the word "LOST" floating toward the screen in large, capitalized, fairly spaced letters. The show ends by shoving the title right in your face with a booming bass sound going along with it.

L O S T -- that's a pretty good impression of it.

Maybe its that. Maybe its just respect. I dunno. Its interesting.

--Cbake

Its true: The Brits are frickin' idiots

2008-06-03T14:00:00.004-04:00

I didn't realize there was another place on Earth that could possibly be even MORE politically correct than parts of the United States. Then I stumbled upon this article about a man who was harassed by a security guard at London's Heathrow airport because the shirt he was wearing was deemed as OFFENSIVE.

What was on the shirt? Why, leader of the Autobots, the Transformer Optimus Prime, that's who! Apparently the British, while being the first world power to make the slave trade illegal, still harbor some deep resentment toward autonomous alien life and feel deeply offended by any image of those rascally robots. "They transform into cars! My God, one could be parked outside my flat right now, ready to run me over the second I step foot on the curb!"

While the danger Transformers pose to air travel is debatable (admittedly, those evil Decepticons *are* the only Transformers capable of flight, and anyone who saw last summer's blockbuster documentary on the alien race, titled "Transformers", saw that Starscream has a penchant for blowing our Air Force fighter jets out of the sky without remorse), I think we can all agree that a young man wearing an image of the heroic Optimus Prime on his shirt poses NO real threat to the other passengers.

Maybe the problem lies in the fact that the security guard mistakenly believes the Transformer in question is Megatron, the evil leader of the Decepticons and arch-nemesis to Optimus Prime. He's one to worry about to be sure.

Thank God I live in America, though, where we can actually call a Transformer "friend" without fear of reprisal by the racist, anti-robot movement, and then use him as our personal chauffeur and have him drive us around the city whenever we demand it.

--Cbake

LOST Season 4 Finale thoughts, "There's No Place Like Home" (SPOILERS!)

2008-05-30T02:38:00.003-04:00

Last night we saw the season finale for LOST Season 4, titled "There's No Place Like Home". This will only be entertaining to anyone who has been watching the show this season. Here are my thoughts, and if you haven't seen the episode, I suggest you stay away from my pithy comments. They will be filled with spoilerific spoilers!

SPOILERS AHOY!!!

Very glad to see the return of the mysterious-jungle-dwelling-kickass-Others. Watching them take out Keamy and the Gang was like a return to their threatening ways in Season 2. Before they became domesticated commune dwellers.

In geeky terms, Sayid vs Keamy was like Wolverine vs Sabretooth. Short badass everyone loves vs the giant mofo everyone wants to see dead. At the hands of the shorter scrapper, of course.

Ben killed Keamy as we knew he should. He deserved to die at the hands of the man whose daughter he brutally murdered. At that moment, when Ben stabbed Keamy in the throat and Locke got angry, yelling at Ben for allowing everyone on the freighter to die (Keamy had a heart-rate monitor attached to a radio that would detonate a mountain of C4 in the freighter hull), Ben's only response was "So?". Man that was cold. Cold and gladly familiar. It was a return to that heartless bastard Ben we knew from Season 2 and 3.

At the end of the episode, Jack breaks into the funeral parlor we saw in the Season 3 finale, desperate to see the man in the coffin. Before we as an audience get the chance to see the cadaver, Ben shows up to speak to Jack. And for a brief moment, I thought "Holy cow, what if BEN is in the coffin?" It would make sense, given that we've see what amounts to a Time Travel Closet in the Dharma Orchid Station. Ben looked younger and asked Jack "What did he tell you? What did he tell Kate?", wanting to know the future. This would make sense if you believe the theory that the reason Ben *always* has a plan is because he has a working knowledge of the future (because he has lived it). Man that would have been trippy.
Course, I also considered the possibility that a time-travelling Jack from the future would wind up in the coffin, having gone to the past to give Jack, Ben- everyone- some dire advice about the future and how they could fix things. That would have been one gigantor mindf**k on a BIZARRO level.

I didn't want to see Michael die. He had just come back onto the show! But then Jacob's secretary Christian shows up, tells Michael "You can go now", then KA-BOOM! Freighter explosion. I guess I can take consolation in knowing that Michael is now part of Jacob's ghost posse, chilling in the space-shifting-shack with Christian and Claire.

Ben said whoever moves the Island can never return to it. We know from a previous episode that after Ben moves the Island, he is shifted through time and space from on-Island 2004 to the Middle East/North Africa in late 2005. I don't quite believe that Ben can never return to the Island, as we were led to believe. I think what he meant was "moving the Island is dangerous and unpredictable, and whoever moves the Island will be teleported through time and space, never knowing the new location of the Island and thus destined to never return." However, by episode's end, I believe he has some theories on how to find the new location and how to get back to it with Jack and the Oceanic 6 in tow.

In the 2nd episode this season, "Confirmed Dead", we saw Charlotte's flashback in which she finds a polar bear skeleton with a Dharma Hydra Station collar around its neck in the middle of a desert in Tunisia. I now believe that the last time the Island was moved through space (and possibly time), Dharma or whoever used trained polar bears to do it. All you do is train the intelligent bears (who, we learned in Season 3, had figured out their treat machines in record time, beating Sawyer's record) to push the frozen wheel, and boom- Island moved with no one sacrificing themselves to do it. Plus, the bears would be acclimated to the extreme cold in the Frozen Wheel of Time room.
I prefer this idea over the previous theory for how the bear ended up in the desert: Dharma did time travel tests by stuffing dangerous polar bears, not bunnies, into tiny time-travelling closets.

While it seems many 815 survivors ended up dying during the Freighter explosion, I take comfort knowing there were still a lot back on the beach. Daniel was only able to ferry 2 raftfuls of survivors away, and before he took off on the second trip, we could see 815ers wandering around in the background, and one was taking care of Vincent the Dog too! Its nice to know Vincent is still humping an 815er's leg somewhere on the Island.

Sawyer and Juliet are totally going to get it on. Right there on the beach. Come on, Sawyer's all wet and shirtless, they're alone on the beach, they've got a bottle of Dharma rum to share between them. Its fate people. Its called "Depressed-Everyone-Just-Blew-Up-Sex".

Okay that's enough rambling for now. I *love* this show. Anyone have any other interesting observations, tidbits, or ideas for me to obsess over-- I mean, for us to intelligently discuss?

--Cbake

2007: The Best Year EVER!

2008-05-14T19:39:00.002-04:00

Well the New Year is just around the bend, so its time to look back on 2007 and see what worked, what didn't and- wait what day is this? Holy Frak its May already? Hmmmm... Well let's just pretend we took the Delorean back in time a few months, shall we?

So without further ado, here's the BEST list:

BEST MOVIE (people forgot came out in 2007)- Children of Men*
BEST MOVIE (people remember since it just came out)- No Country for Old Men
BEST TRANSFORMING ROBOT- Optimus Prime
BEST SONG BY A BAND LONG THOUGHT DEAD BUT RECENTLY RETURNED- "Tarantula" by The Smashing Pumpkins
BEST SONG YOU NEVER HEARD- "Intervention" by The Arcade Fire
BEST SONG I STOLE FROM SOMEONE ELSE's IPOD- "Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups
BEST TV SHOW, DRAMA- LOST
BEST TV SHOW, COMEDY- The Colbert Report
BEST REASON FOR AN HD-TV- Discovery Channel's "Planet Earth"
BEST BOOK RELEASE- "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"
BEST SNL SKIT- digital short "Dear Sister"
BEST TRIP- Tie: Rome in January, Canada around July 4th, and Mexico in September
BEST DOG- Chihuahuas
BEST CEREAL- Cinnamon Life

And now for the WORST...

WORST MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE- "I Know Who Killed Me" starring Lindsay Lohan
WORST SEQUEL- "Hostel II"
WORST MISSED OPPORTUNITY- United Artists not releasing a James Bond movie in 2007 and making it "007- The Year of Bond"
WORST SONG- Did Nickelback release anything this year?
WORST TV SHOW I DIDN'T WATCH- "Date My Mom" on MTV
WORST CELEBRITY- Lindsay Lohan
WORST CELEBRITY BREAKDOWN- Britney Spears
WORST CELEBRITY TO CLAIM SHE'S "CHANGED"- Paris Hilton
WORST "BEST of 2007" LIST- This one

Yeah, that was pretty lame this year guys, I'll own up to it. That's what happens when you try and look back fondly on the last year five months after it ended. I'll do better next time.

--Cbake

*Came out in Charlotte in 2007

LOST Madness

2008-03-10T22:56:00.003-04:00

In preparation for March Madness, here's a fun game to play as you watch the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Its called "LOST Madness", and is basically a bracket for 64 characters from the best show on television, the one, the only, "LOST".

Go here to enter your picks for Round 1.

You'll have to check back each week to see if your favorite characters survived and then vote again. The 64 characters are divided into four different categories:

Oceanic 815 survivors
The Others/Dharma Members
"Rescuers" and Deceased Oceanic Survivors
Other Crucial Players

Most decisions are pretty easy (Jack vs. Cindy?), but the hardest picks for me were Hurley vs. Sawyer in the Oceanic Survivors division and Mikhail (aka Patchy) vs. Richard "Ageless" Alpert in the Others camp. I'm betting the Final Four will involve Locke (if his fans are more involved than Jack's), Ben (unless most guys vote for Juliette, and what hot-blooded male wouldn't?), Desmond the time-traveller, and Mr. Eko (though his division is harder to call with Charlie and Christian Shephard also involved).

Enjoy, and as the Machiavellian mastermind Ben said last week, "See you at dinner".
--Cbake

Oscar Picks 2008

2008-02-24T15:56:00.005-05:00

From my phone to your computer screen, mere hours before the Oscar telecast, come my picks for Academy Award winners in 2008.

Best Visual Effects
Transformers

Best Animated Feature
Ratatouille

Best Documentary
No End In Sight

Best Art Direction
Sweeney Todd

Best Sound Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Sound Mixing
Transformers

Best Cinematography
Atonement

Best Original Screenplay
Juno- Diablo Cody (Hollywood loves a stripper, especially a stripper that writes scripts)

Best Adapted Screenplay
No Country For Old Men- the Coen Bros.

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem- No Country For Old Men

Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett- I'm Not There

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard- La Vie En Rose

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood

Best Director
Paul Thomas Anderson- There Will Be Blood

Best Picture
No Country For Old Men

--Cbake

F**k Dook

2008-02-06T23:55:00.000-05:00

That's all I have to say. That's it. Seriously. Finito.

Well that and this: I'd much rather lose to them at home if it means we can beat them on their home court. Victory is that much sweeter when we win in front of the Kameron Krackheads and make those Dook Blue Devils cry. Ty Lawson will be back by then.

We will have our revenge.

Go Heels,

--Cbake

In Regards to Tonight's UNC/Dook Game...

2008-02-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

I only have one thing to say, and it shall be a quote. Its from an article titled: "Why We Hate Duke"

Here it is reprinted in full, with the best part in bold.

"I recall a strange and hazy time about four and a half years ago, fretting in the sweltering heat of Hinton James 244, sitting on my bed while the rest of the residents scurried outside.

My suitemate from Brevard was parading his spittle collection, a particularly nauseating mass of his oral waste that he kept in three 2-liter bottles above the door. My roommate spoke in a dialect from Edenton* that barely passed for anything on our side of the language tree, and the only things I had to wear in the 105-degree weather were corduroy pants from my goofball private high school. Tripping over the bricks, showing up for classes in rooms miles away from where the classes were taught and getting lost by the water tower, I might as well have had a huge placard wrapped around my neck that said "Oh so clueless" and a number to call in case anybody found me peeing in his yard.

But there was a time before that. I call it The Time When I Thought I Wanted to Go to Duke.

For some unexplainable reasons having to do with planetary alignment or a chemical imbalance, I was set on going to that university in Durham. My high school in Virginia brainwashed us all into thinking that if we didn't end up going to either Duke, UVa. or one of the Ivys we would surely end up stocking Pampers at Wal-Mart. So off I scuttled to those schools, all bushy-tailed and bated, hopin' to impress some institutes of higher learning. By the time I got to visiting Duke, however, the luster of college had begun to dull into a bleak haze.

My tour guide's name was Lorna - no lie - and she spoke in a loud, brash voice that seemed to shake the leaves from the cute little shrubberies. "And on your left is Duke Chapel, the centerpiece of our Gothic campus. Our university is considered by many to be the most beautiful campus in America."

"Umm, excuse me," I said, "Where do all the kids live?"

"The kids," she said, in a voice of utter disdain reserved only for parents whose child had been very, very naughty. "The Duke student body mostly lives in the buildings you are looking at right here, with the beautiful Gothic architecture."

"Well, how hard are the classes here? Would I be studying all the time?"

She fixed her cruel New Jersey gaze on my frightened 17-year-old soul. "Look, that's totally assuming you even get in here at all. I know tons of people that would have given their left arm to get in here. And not only that, but - Oh, hi, Thad!" Some senior named Thad wearing Vuarnets and baggy khaki shorts ambled up with an evil Gleem smile.

"Leadin' the kids around, eh Lorna?" he asked, and cackled like the frat Grinch.

"Yeah," she giggled, and the two whispered to each other while exchanging muffled laughs.

I was herded into the cafeteria and stuck in a line for pizza, while Lorna went off into the crowd with some of her friends. A scowling guy slapped a piece of rubber pepperoni pizza on my plate, and as I walked across the room to sit down, I tripped on one of those Gothic little cherub things on the floor and sent my pizza flying 20 feet onto the sweater of a girl named Annabeth, a junior English major from Bridgeport, Conn.

"Oh my God!" she squealed, and every face in the entire joint looked right at me. Thad the sunglasses man started to clap, and half of the cafeteria joined in my humiliation.

Suddenly, I was back in third grade, and all the boys and girls were pointing and laughing at the picture I'd drawn of my family. Suddenly, I was sitting alone at the side of the blacktop while everyone else got picked for the dodgeball team. Suddenly, I was lying in the Iowa snow, getting my ribs kicked by five guys who thought I'd stolen their football. I had no escape.

And that's when I decided to go to Carolina. I had never seen the place, had never heard of Chapel Hill and I picked Hinton James because it had a laundry room. After a while I grew used to the town - I didn't get lost behind the water tower; I learned what Gardner Hall was; and I began to enjoy the company of my suitemate, despite his spittle collection. I also developed a taste for basketball, and during the games I noticed that we had certain heated rivalries - whenever we played one of those teams, I got tense and dug holes in the seat.

Now I realize that school spirit is a pretty goofy thing to some people, but I'll tell you something: I hate Duke with an infernal passion undying. I hate every leaf of every tree on that sickening campus. I hate every fake cherub Gothic piece of crap that litters the buildings like hemorrhoidal testaments to imagined superiority. When I see those Dookie boneheads shoe-polishing their faces navy blue on television, squandering their parents' money with their fratty elitist bad sportsmanship antics and Saab stories, I want to puke all over Durham.

So this is my request, boys of basketball: Tonight, I not only want you to win, I want Krzyzewski calling home to his mother with tears in his eyes. I want Alaa Abdelnaby to throw up brick after brick. I want Rick Fox to take Christian Laettner to the hoop so many times that poor Christian will be dazed on the bench with an Etch-a-Sketch and a box of Crayola crayons. I want Bobby Hurley to trip on his shoelaces and fly into a fat alumnus from Wilmington. Send Thad and Lorna home with their blue tails between their legs.

God bless them Tar Heel boys!

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ian Williams, a 1990 UNC alumnus, was a columnist for The Daily Tar Heel in the spring 1990 semester. The DTH management felt that its thematic content remains relevant as a wonderful reminder of why we hate Duke. The column ran Jan. 17, 1990 - that night, the Tar Heels stomped the Blue Devils by 19. "

--Cbake

*Bonus points for mentioning Edenton

Thomas St. Tavern Makes News in USA Today Article

2008-02-01T15:43:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody, just a quick blip about one of my favorite neighborhood bar/restaurants, Thomas St. Tavern, conveniently located down the street from where I live. Apparently, in preparation for the Super Bowl this Sunday, USA Today featured an article in their weekend edition titled "10 great places to drink in the Super Bowl action" (dunno why they lowercase article headlines).

Listing sports bars in Boston, New York, West Hollywood, Seattle, Chicago, and others, Thomas Street Tavern pops up as number 3 on their list (no note on whether it was in random order or not). They say:

"THOMAS STREET TAVERN, Charlotte

"Open 365 days a year, this popular family-owned, neighborhood tavern features an outdoor patio in front and a beer garden in back. 'Both are pet-friendly, so you can bring your pooch and still check out the game,' Steel says (Tanya Steel, editor in chief of epicurious.com, who helped compile the list). 'The menu tends toward the natural and organic, with most ingredients bought from local farmers markets and bakeries. There are 60 different bottled beers to complement the excellent cuisine.'
(704)-376-1622
thomas-street-tavern.com"

Pretty cool that my neighborhood bar made a national publication like USA Today! When I'm in Pennsylvania for work (like I am right now), its nice to see little remembrances of home in the media (better than previous stories on CNN like "Teenager shot at local high school in Charlotte" or today's "Plane crash in Mt. Airy").

I'm sure I'll find this article framed and hanging on their wall someday soon. And I realize I probably sound like a poster child for T-Street, with all this free advertising I'm giving them. So I only have one response to that: I Welcome Free Beer.

--Cbake

LOST... and Not-Gonna-Be-Found

2008-01-30T15:51:00.000-05:00

... At least not this week.

Tomorrow night the brand spanking-new season of one of television's best shows (and my personal favorite), LOST, premieres at 9 PM EST. I absolutely can not WAIT. The writers' strike may mean we get only 8 episodes instead of the planned 16, but as the good book says, "8 episodes of LOST is better than ZERO episodes of LOST." Seriously, look it up. Its somewhere in the back, I think.

I've spent the past few months pouring over any article about the show that I could find, watching and re-watching the epic two minute trailer for Season 4 that premiered on TV back in December, and discussing the show (Season 3 in particular) with anyone willing to devote at least two hours time to the lengthy conversation needed to cover all the mysteries, revelations, and twists the show brought us last season.

In other words, I am *pumped*.

Last season I watched DVR'd episodes in HD at my dad's house, and we planned to have a large LOST viewing party at his house tomorrow night. In attendance were to be:

My father
His girlfriend, Karen (another LOST junkie)
My girlfriend, Jennifer
My friend, Doug (whom I hooked on LOST through my DVD sets last year- he just finished Season 3 two weeks ago)
Our friend Adam and his girlfriend Chris (they too have only watched LOST through DVD sets and finished it a few weeks ago)

It was gonna be a rockin' good time. Then came the bombshell yesterday from the production coordinator for a show I work on: My production trip this weekend started earlier than planned, and now instead of flying out friday morning, I'd be leaving THURSDAY NIGHT.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *cue overly dramatic music*!!! Oh, cruel world, what I did I do to deserve such a crushing fate?

In the immortal words of Eric Cartman as the Awesome-o 2000: "LAME".

I'm disappointed, devastated, depressed. Destroyed? Nah, too dark.

Party's cancelled. I won't even get into the hotel in time to watch the episode tomorrow night. Thank God for making DVR, though. Seriously, *whew*. I'm going to be out of town the next THREE thursday nights, which means I won't be watching my LOST episodes until the weekend. DVR, you are my saving grace.

So any of you guys planning to spoil what happens tomorrow night can just go ahead and CAN it. But enjoy it. Discuss it, debate it. Just don't do it with me (until prompted otherwise).

--Cbake

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

2008-01-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

By now most of you have probably heard the shocking news that actor Heath Ledger is dead. When I first read the words on entertainment gossip sites like TheSuperficial.com or Filmdrunk yesterday, only three hours after he was pronounced dead, I thought it was a joke. It *had* to be a joke. My denial stage was working overtime because headlines like "Heath Ledger is Dead" did not make any sense.

Britney Spears should be dead.

Amy Winehouse should be dead.

Lindsay Lohan should be dead.

I would not be shocked at any headline that referred to those wasteful, drugged out, idiot women and their demise. But Heath Ledger? The man had nothing in common with them. He was never a target of the papparazzi or a hardcore party-goer. Drugs? They never factored into any story about him. Heath loved acting and really respected the craft. He wasn't in it for the money or the fame or the drugs and women. He did it because he loved it and because he wanted to better himself at it.

This is why it comes as such a shock. Heath Ledger had so much potential, and being at the young age of 28, he had a long life of challenging and entertaining roles ahead of him. If Tom Hanks passed away, we would feel shocked and saddened, but it would be a different sort of grief. With him, at least we can say "He had an awesome career," or "He led a long, good life." Heath, on the other hand, was just getting started but was cut down too early, much like James Dean.

The first time I saw Heath Ledger was in high school on an after school live-action fantasy/adventure show on Fox called "Roar". He played some sort of warrior Irish chieftain during Roman rule- I didn't think much of it or him. Then his first big break in America came with a leading role in the high school film adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew" called "Ten Things I Hate About You." At the time, I still didn't think much of him, considering the "High School" genre of films to be one of the worst as Hollywood churned out crap like "Down to You" and "She's All That" year after year. It was only later that I actually watched the film and realized it was pretty clever and that Heath Ledger had talent.

I still thought he was just another teenage pretty-boy heartthrob like Paul Walker or Freddie Prinze Jr. and thought he would be relegated to roles like theirs for the rest of his career. This viewpoint was not changed as he took roles in "A Knight's Tale" and "The Patriot", wooing young girls to the theater with his accent and good looks.

Most consider his role in the film "Monster's Ball" alongside Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry as being the turning point in his career. Here, the hunky actor from earlier "teenage" fare had chosen a deeply dramatic and dark film and one in which he was only a supporting character. I never saw the movie but can recall hearing good reviews for his portrayal as Billy Bob's prison guard son.

The movie that changed my perception of Heath Ledger was Terry Gilliam's "The Brothers Grimm" alongside Matt Damon as the film's titular siblings. Here they played "ghost hunters" and "monster killers", exploiting small villages' and their beliefs in local fairy stories about creatures that lived in the woods, "killing" said creatures while picking up a reward for their work. Whereas Damon played the loud, boastful PT Barnum showman that sold their services to the villagers, Ledger, surprisingly, played a shy, awkward, quiet brother that was more interested in writing down the fairy tales and researching their origins than in fooling the people.

It was such a strange surprise for me to see this actor, who had largely chosen roles as confident, good-looking ladies' men, play this nervous, thoughtful, even dare-I-say-it, GEEKY, character. This is when I first thought "Hey, this guy *is* talented," and I began to see him as a real actor with lots of potential, but almost no one saw him in this film.

When I heard he had accepted a role in Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain" as a gay cowboy, I had to laugh because "Southpark" had told me all independent films were about "gay cowboys eating pudding," and despite my love for the director, the movie sounded like it would be too cliched.

But I saw the film. I enjoyed the film. I thought Heath acted the hell out of his character, and he was nominated for his first ever Oscar. Here at last was his breakthrough role that told everyone he truly was more than good-looking; he could *act*. He was soon signed onto the "Batman Begins" sequel as the fanatical villain The Joker, a choice that puzzled many on the internet who still saw Ledger as that kid from "10 Things..." or the gay cowboy, but many believed if he was the actor producers had chosen, he must have brought something special to the role and must have a very interesting take on Batman's insane criminal arch-nemesis.

Alas, that this will most likely be the last role we see him in (no word yet on whether or not his role in Terry Gilliam's next film was complete or if his character will be recast). For months people wondered how Ledger would fare as The Joker, and when the trailer was released last month, many were overjoyed at his dark and sinister take on the character. It will be strange to see the movie knowing that he is now dead and won't get to replay the character in the third film in the series.

I'm saddened by this loss, more so knowing he leaves behind a two-year old daughter with actress Michelle Williams. The poor girl will grow up not knowing her father, only seeing him in the roles he left behind. Ledger had so much to give, and I looked forward to the challenging roles he would have given us. I feel like he could have been the next Marlon Brando if he wanted- imagine if he had died after "A Streetcar Named Desire"- we never would have gotten "On the Waterfront" or "Godfather" or "Apocalypse Now".

Ledger had no history of drug use and at the time of his death was reported to be suffering from pneumonia. Illegal drugs were not found in his apartment- only sleeping pills (reportedly) and possibly other legal prescribed medication. It seems his death was an unintended tragic combination of the three, but that is yet to be determined.

Heath Ledger will be missed. He had talent, and he had class. I wish it had been someone else instead.

Heath Ledger, 1979-2008

--Cbake

Merry (Late) Christmahannuhkwaanzakah

2008-01-11T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hey All!

It's a little late (almost a month), but I thought I better not start breaking traditions, or that would be one step closer to letting this blog die (which I can't let happen, I won't let happen, and I can't let that happen!). Because I usually always do it, its time for the annual Christmahannuhkwaanzakah Gift report (aka, What I Received For Christmas).

And because my birthday was a few days before, here's my Birthday Gift Report:

DVDs
"The Princess Bride"
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End"

CDs
"The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" - The Complete Recordings

BOOKs
"My Boring-Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith" by Kevin Smith

CLOTHES
Some good clothes. Duh.
Oh, and a really sharp pinstripe suit jacket. I can't wait to start wearing that around town (thanks mom!).

And now for Christmas:

DVDs
The Stanley Kubrick Collection
"Heroes" Season 1 (in regular and HD-DVD versions)
"The Tick" vs Season 2
"The Simpsons" Season 9
"The Simpsons" Season 10
"Paris, Je T'aime"
"Superbad"

VIDEO GAMES
"Super Mario Galaxy" (Wii)
"Metroid Prime 3: Corruption" (Wii)
"Super Mario Galaxy", later returned and traded for "Trauma Center: New Blood" (Wii)

BOOKs
"Children of Hurin" by J.R.R. Tolkien

GRAPHIC NOVELs
"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" Vol. I
"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier", both by Alan Moore

CLOTHES
Some new jeans, khakis, and sweaters, all great and just what I needed.

Also, as is the tradition, I received some cool Christmas ornaments, this year in the shape of Homer Simpson, Luke Skywalker carrying Yoda on his back, and the Grinch dressed as Santa Claus. When I finally start buying my own tree, I'm going to have the most kickass film and television related Christmas tree EVER, as all my ornaments are cartoon characters, comic-book heroes, or characters from some of my favorite movies. It. Will. Rule.

My stocking was filled with chocolates and candies, the most surprising of which was a pack of UNC Tar Heel bubble gum.

But the most unexpected gift of all, I have to say, was an Apple iPhone from my girlfriend, Jennifer. I didn't ask for, didn't expect it, never thought I'd receive it, and now I can't stop playing with it (which is just what she wanted, I'm sure). As a matter of fact, I'm blogging from it right now!

Okay, okay, I lied, its much easier to do it on the Macbook across the room, but the point is, if I wanted to, I *could* blog from it, although it would take a really really long time to do so.

So there it is. All I can say is that I made out like a BANDIT this year. As a matter of fact, I think that will be my slogan for Christmas 2007- MADE OUT LIKE A BANDIT (I need to get that engraved on an ornament).

I'm very pleased with all my gifts and I'm very grateful to all who treated me to one of the best Christmases in recent memory. Thanks a lot, family and friends. It was wonderful.

--Cbake

Christmas List Part II

2007-12-13T13:24:00.001-05:00

Wait, I'm sorry. Maybe I should have said "Holiday List".

Anyway, I thought of some other things I'd like:

Some DVD-Rs

Nintendo Wii Zapper - only $20 and comes with a free Legend of Zelda shooting game

A drawing tablet for my computer

A super-expensive new digital or HD video camera

My own private island.

Tickets to Led Zeppelin's reunion concert tour in the States when/if it happens

A cloned dinosaur, preferably a mini T-Rex

I fully expect all of these things to be ready for my birthday and/or Christmas. That is all.

--Cbake

Gracias a Dios (Thank God)

2007-12-03T00:52:00.000-05:00

Thank God the constitutional reforms that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez proposed were rejected when the country voted on them today. One of the reforms would have done away with presidential term restrictions that would have allowed him to run for President indefinitely.

Thank God the majority of Venezuelans are intelligent enough to realize that's just a bad, bad idea and one step closer to a full on dictatorship. Chavez said anyone who votes no is against him, against the country, and against the people. That's the fear-mongering, polarizing kind of speak you usually find in leaders like Saddam Hussein or Stalin*, which this guy could most likely turn out to be, as power-hungry as he is.

So congrats Venezuela, you've stemmed the incoming tide of totalitarian oppression. For now, anyway.

The story from CNN.

--Cbake

*Yeah, Bush said something similar with his "If you're not with us, you're against us" speech... draw your own conclusions.

Christmas Wish List 2007

2007-11-25T17:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays folks! If you've stumbled upon my blog, welcome and have a good look around, as I tend to ramble about anything and everything, you're bound to find something interesting!

If you're one of my faithful readers- what are you doing here? I haven't made a real post in months, and I'm still planning on finishing those LOST Simpsons characters, I swear! But I'm glad you haven't given up on me completely and still drop by to check in from time to time.

Well Christmas is rapidly approaching, and as usual, I've yet to supply my family and friends with any sory of Wish List, so the window for me actually getting what I want on December 25th (or for my birthday on the 21st) shrinks each day.

With that in mind, I've visited a few stores, checked some websites, and have finally compiled a large list of goodies. Now don't be intimidated by the list- I'm pretty easy to shop for, love surprises, and have enjoyed getting strange and different things I never asked for each year, so if you have something different in mind for me that you don't see here- don't worry and go with your gut instincts.

So, without further ado, here's my list broken down by category. And be on the lookout in the next few weeks- I may do some updating as I find more things. And don't worry: I'm not making ANYMORE purchases for myself at Best Buy until after the holidays.

DVDs

With any DVD purchase, please make sure its WIDESCREEN, and the 2-disc Collector's Edition, if available. I want the ones with all the bells and whistles.

Ratatouille
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Superbad
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Peter Jackson's Dead Alive
Paris, Je T'aime
The Stanley Kubrick Collection (includes 2001, Full Metal Jacket, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, and Eyes Wide Shut)
Heroes: Season 1 Box Set
The Simpsons: Season 9 Box Set
The Simpsons: Season 10 Box Set
Batman: The Animated Series (any Volume 1-4)
The Tick Animated Series: Season 1 or 2

VIDEO GAMES

For the Nintendo Wii:

Super Mario Galaxy
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
The Simpsons Game
Trauma Center: New Blood
Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga
Super Paper Mario
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

For the Nintendo GameCube

Spider-Man 2

For the Nintendo DS

New Super Mario Bros.
Yoshi's Island DS
Contra 4

BOOKS

"Children of Hurin" by J.R.R. Tolkien
"My Boring-Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith" by Kevin Smith

Any BFI Film Classics or BFI Modern Classics, paperback books with discussions, breakdowns, and interpretations of many different movies (I have "JAWS" and "Seven Samurai")

GRAPHIC NOVELS

"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" Vol. 1 and 2 by Alan Moore
"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier" by Alan Moore
"Earthboy Jacobus" by Doug Tennapel
"Black Cherry" by Doug Tennapel
"Flink" by Doug Tennapel

Any other Graphic Novels that look cool or has something I'd enjoy

CDs

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - The Complete Recordings
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers - The Complete Recordings
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - The Complete Recordings*
* NOTE: These are not the standard soundtracks, but 3-4 Disc Box Sets

Allright that's all I've got for now. I'm running short on time and haven't given thought to things I need/could use, like clothes, computer stuff, art supplies, or a new HD video camera, and have focused only on entertainment. So, I'll probably update with more stuff soon. Thanks, and Merry Christmahannuhkwaanzakah!

--Cbake

LOST Simpsons Characters Part III!

2007-08-28T17:58:00.000-04:00

Here's the latest batch of Simpsonized characters from "LOST"! I toyed with the idea of doing just The Tailies, but instead went with the direction of those who lost their lives on The Island, excluding anyone who may or may not have died in the last half of Season 3, so as to protect those few who are still in the process of catching up with DVR.

So without further ado, A LOST Memoriam!

Boone Carlyle, former protege of John Locke, of whom helped him break his obsession with his step-sister, Shannon. With Locke, discovered the Hatch that led to the Swan Station. Died after making radio contact with the Tailies when the derelict plane he was in fell out of its tree and slammed into the ground giving him life-threatening injuries.

Shannon Rutherford, Boone's step-sister. Lost her father to a car accident when Dr. Jack Shephard chose to save the life of the other person involved in the crash. After his death, Boone's mother took all her husband's money leaving Shannon with virtually nothing. Used Boone's good nature and crush on her to con him out of money but eventually slept with him, thus cementing his love/hate relationship with her. Started a relationship with Sayid on the Island after helping him translate some French. Killed by Ana-Lucia after running into the woods to find Walt. A spooked Ana-Lucia shot her, thinking she was one of the malevolent Others.

As I've stated before, female characters are hard to do. This was the closest hairstyle to Shannon's I could find, and yet it really takes away from the attractiveness she had on the show.

Ana-Lucia Cortez, former LAPD who lost her unborn child when shot by a suspected burglar. An angry and avowed enemy of the Others, she led the Tailies across the Island to the Survivors' camp and accidentally shot Shannon, thinking it was the Others coming to get them. Attempted to kill the captured Other Henry Gale (later revealed as the Others' leader, Ben Linus) in the Hatch, but failed. Gave her gun to the treacherous Michael Dawson to kill Benry Gale, but was instead shot and killed by him in his attempt to free the Other and retrieve his kidnapped son.

Libby, aka Elizabeth, another Tail Section survivor. She gave Desmond Hume the boat that is named after her to use in a race around the world, the one he crashed into the Island with. Struck up a friendship with Hurley, whom she may or may not have recognized from the mental institution they once lived in. Was shot after Ana-Lucia in Michael's attempt to free Benry. She died before being able to tell everyone it was Michael, and not Benry, that shot her.

Despite being upset with how most of the females have turned out, I am VERY pleased with her, thinking this Simpsonization looks very much like the actress Cynthia Watros, capturing her wide eyes and straight nose.

Mr. Eko, former Nigerian warlord who, as a kid, saved his brother's life but damned his own by taking a gun out of his younger brother Yemi's hands and killing an old man with it, an act local guerillas tried to force on the unwilling Yemi. Eko walked softly on the Island and carried a big stick, the Jesus Stick as it was known because Eko carved scripture into it. He carried a lot of guilt for the men he killed in his life, but when confronted by a vision of his dead priest brother, whose body was found in the derelict plane Boone sustained his deadly injuries in, Eko refused to confess his sins, believing he did what he did only to survive. Moments later, the Smoke Monster appears before Eko, picks him up, and beats him into the trees and slams him into the ground, killing him.

While catching his look, the Simpsonizing process doesn't have the traits needed to really make this look like Eko from the show. I didn't expect there to be any battered shirts or Jesus Sticks for the character to have, but he really needs a body shape that is bigger than the others, with broad shoulders and large muscles. This was the broadest body I could find, but a larger one would really make it stand out from the other LOST-ies.

To Be Continued..... BOOOOOOOOOM (sound from every episode's end).

--Cbake

LOST Simpsons Characters Part II!

2007-08-12T20:47:00.000-04:00

Here's the next round of Simpsonized characters from the show LOST! It's the Couples Edition!

Here's James Ford, aka Sawyer. He was a bit easy, though the trick was in not letting him look more like Tom Petty than actor Josh Holloway.

Kate Austen. I'm not very happy with this Simpsonization. The website does not have very good bodies for girls. They all have big hips (Kate is pretty small), and if you want one to have a tank top, like I did with her, it has to go with a miniskirt instead of pants (NO one but Shannon wore a skirt on the Island), or the tank tops are tucked into khakis. Either way, nothing really *looked* like Kate. To top it off, there are NO pony tails in the hairstyle section, which is unfortunate. Aside from the freckles, I think a ponytail would have really made this character.

UPDATE:

I think I like this hairstyle better. As you can see, I'm like George Lucas. I just can't step away and let my project "be" after its finished.

Jin Kwon. I'm VERY happy with him. His hair is perfect; just what I was looking for. More of a Season 3 look for him.

Sun Kwon, Jin's wife. Again, I'm not happy with the choices available for females, but I think I captured Sun well with her pulled back hair, sad smile, and conservative dress ala Season 1.

Former hobbit, rock star, and druggie Charlie Pace. I like him. Wish I could have found better hair, but his clothing feels right.

Claire Littleton. Seriously, the females are MUCH harder to do than the guys! I wish there was a pregnant body choice, but nooooo, of course they don't have what I need, so I had to do Claire post pregnancy ala Season 2. She had bangs in Season 3, and nothing really looked right except for the style above. If only I could put on that long necklace she always wears. Or maybe a baby.

Stay tuned for more!
--Cbake

LOST Simpsons Characters Part I

2007-08-01T22:50:00.000-04:00

I had so much fun Simpsonizing myself at http://www.simpsonizeme.com that I decided to experiment a bit and see what characters from my other favorite tv show, "LOST" would look like had the show been animated in the Simpsons style.

And so I say to you BEHOLD! SIMPSONIZED LOST CHARACTERS!

The good Doctor Jack Shephard; the first character I tried to make, and he didn't come out as well as this. Thankfully, when revisiting the website three days later, it had for some ungodly reason, remade all my characters to look totally different than how I had originally made them, so Jack was given a better head-shape to work with. I found better eyes and better hair that was more appropriate as well.

John Locke, another second generation character that turned out better than the first. Like Jack before him, I made his stubble using the website's freckle option, which was a timely process but one that ultimately looks better than using their "stubble" or "beard" option.

Sayid Jarrah. He'd look better with stubble between the beard and ears, and I wanted to add Snowball II (the Simpsons' cat) to be Nadia (from the Flame Station episode where we first meet Mikhail), but the website completely destroyed what I had already done, and Sayid's new headshape was all wrong.

Michael Dawson. Captured in one of his many moments yelling the iconic "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!"

Walt, Michael's son, here with his faithful dog, Vincent.

To be continued (cue the creepy LOST finale sound and title card)...

--Cbake

"Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston..."

2007-07-30T21:13:00.000-04:00

"... and so never more shall we see you again."
--JAWS

CANADA TRIP DAY 5

When last I left you, dear readers, my dad and I had eaten at the Shoe Shop in Halifax and were about to wake up early the next morning to drive to Boston. I'll tell you about that trip, but first, here are those pictures from Nova Scotia I promised (reference my Shoe Shop story below).

Dad in downtown Halifax

Lighthouse Island with ships

Apartments on the waterfront

Starfish. Also saw lots of jellyfish around the waterfront.

Me thinking my camera is broken, when in reality my dad has just miraculously fixed it.

Inside the Shoe Shop

The Seahorse Tavern downstairs.

Citadel Hill, the highest point in Halifax I believe.

The bridge to and from the city (currently leaving).

Crossing into Maine was such a change from driving in Canada. After miles of untouched wilderness and long stretches of road where no other soul dared to drive, we had a mini-culture shock to see suburbs, and cars, and, well, trash littering the road. Ah yes; this is America. And yet, still no moosen to be seen. Huge disappointment.

After 15 hrs of solid driving, we finally made it to Beantown. A friend of mine from college, Casey Hart, works for Harvard sports. I gave him a call when we rolled in, and we met him for dinner at the oldest continuously operated restaurant in the entire COUNTRY, the Union Oyster House (check the website for menus, pictures, and its interesting history- http://www.unionoysterhouse.com ). Even though he's lived in Boston for two years, this was to be Casey's first time inside.

We took a cab to the Oyster House, and I had my first Boston attitude experience, as our cabbie tossed out curse words left and right like pennies he had no use for. He was a funny guy, and strangely enough the more we talked, the more I noticed myself adapting his accent into my own voice. I guess I was developing a connection between us.

The restaurant sits in a section of town where the roads are made of cobblestone and two streets meet so that one building sits at a V shape in between the two. It looked very old. Sitting at the bar and having a drink felt surreal, as did moving upstairs, walking between wooden booths and old fireplaces; I could feel a real sense that I was surrounded by history. You could just imagine seeing Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Jefferson (had they still been alive at the restaurant's opening) eating in a booth nearby, toasting their beers to America's early success.

In fact, John F. Kennedy ate at the place so much he had his own favorite booth that is still remembered today. American statesman Daniel Webster, a loyal customer, came often to drink brandy and eat oysters at the original oval-shaped bar downstairs. More interesting trivia for you: the toothpick was first introduced at the Union Oyster House.

Being in Boston, I felt it'd be a shame to not have a real New England dinner, so I ordered the SHORE DINNER. This came with a delicious bowl of clam chowder (I daresay the best I've ever had), a net of untouched mussels (no sauce or seasoning), native corn on the cob, red bliss potatoes, and a full, medium sized lobster. My mouth is watering right now at the memory of this delicious dish.

Casey preparing to eat.

My own, succulent dinner before me.

Honestly, I read the menu wrong, not realizing I was going to get the *whole* lobster and thinking it would be only a tail instead. Imagine my surprise when a bright red lobster on a steaming plate was placed before me. I put on my plastic bib and immediately began to play with my food, joyously puppeteering my future belly-filler and having him "speak" to my dad and Casey across from me.

Immature, I know, but I can't help it. It's not everyday I have a creature like that at my disposal to explore and have fun with. And what a lip-smacking, deliciously tasting creature it was. It was my first ever whole lobster to eat, and I loved every minute of it. Man, the Union Oyster House should be paying me for what I'm writing right now.

After dinner, Dad took a cab home and Casey took me to the oldest pub in America, the Bell in Hand. This was conveniently located right next door at the corner where those two streets I mentioned above meet and join into the road the Union Oyster House sits upon. Casey and I each ordered a beer that came in an unexpectedly large glass, listened to a band cover songs ranging from groups like Guns 'N Roses to Sublime, and generally people-watched.

The Bell in Hand on the left, Union Oyster House offcamera right.

It started raining, but since my dad and I were to leave early in the morning to drive back to Charlotte, this would be my only chance to get a walking tour of Boston, so Casey and I headed out into the city. He led me around the Freedom Trail (a red brick walking trail through the city that leads you past historical buildings and sites), through historical areas and the newer downtown, passing a building that the city's homeless like to use as a sleeping bag slumber party or shantytown at night. We went past some park whose name I forget, around the State House, which movie buffs will know as the gold-domed building that Matt Damon wanted a view of in "The Departed", and to another interesting pub called the 21st Amendment.

The State House

It wasn't very busy but had a cool atmosphere and still managed to feel "old". I'd say that was the best part of what I saw of Boston- it felt historical. It's old, yeah, but it didn't feel old in the dirty and rundown way. Everywhere we walked, I could feel the history around me; old in the good, well-known and famous kind of way.

We had another two drinks, then Casey took me to the nearest subway and we parted ways. It was a fun night; a wet night but fun nontheless. Boston was a cool town, and I hope I can visit it again soon and spend some more time there.

DAY SIX

The next day we drove home to Charlotte. Nothing interesting to note (ie, STILL NO MOOSEN!). We drove past New York City on 95 and saw the skyline from afar. We drove through Washington D.C. and saw the Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, and what we think was the President's helicopter, Marine One, fly by as we were on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. After having easy traffic the whole week, we finally ran into gridlock outside Richmond that set us back by an hour, but we still managed to get home safe and sound.

Strange that so much driving, in the end, didn't feel like much at all. I guess the fun of the trip outweighed the time spent in the car.

Great trip, Dad. Thanks for taking me along.

--Cbake

Cbake has been Simpsonized

2007-07-29T21:34:00.000-04:00

I've been to Springfield (state?). Once you cross the border into that small town with its own desert, beach, and flaming tire yard, your skin turns yellow, your eyes bulge, and your pinkies disappear.

So, I now look like this.

--Cbake

Running Red Lights

2007-07-24T16:57:00.001-04:00

I ran a red light at a large intersection yesterday. It wasn't in the "oh crap it's yellow; do I slam on brakes or speed up to get through it?" sense, nor was it the "I'm late, I gotta run it, sorry folks... hope there isn't a cop or camera nearby," situation.

No, it was the "I'm a dumbass not paying attention" kinda thing. The light was red, and I was eagerly awaiting it to turn green. Sounds normal, right? I watch the lights for the perpendicular traffic change to yellow, knowing that soon it will be my turn to go. The light turns red, and I see someone ignore the light and plow on through, making a right turn in the same direction I will soon be going.

Well, that pisses me off. One of my big pet peeves is people who ignore traffic laws like running lights, failing to stop at stop signs, excessive speeding and the like. I see the light turn green in the corner of my eye and hit the gas hoping to catch up with this jerk who decided he was too good for stopping at red lights and obeying the rule of the road.

About halfway through the intersection, I see oncoming traffic turning in my direction. "Hmm, this is odd..." I think briefly before immediately realizing the green light I had seen in the corner of my eye wasn't for me, but was for left turns!

No one honks, no one is close to hitting me because I was so fast off the mark. I think they were all just as confused as I was. To make it seem like I'm not such an insensitive jerk, I give a feeble apologetic wave as I pass them and hope they understand. When I make it to the other side of the intersection, I hit the brakes hoping everyone behind me saying "What an idiot" to themselves knows that I realized my mistake.

Then I decide I don't want to be around any of those people behind me and take off, hoping to lose them before the next intersection so they can't look down at me from their SUVs with their cold, judgmental eyes.

But I can't lose them- the next light is red too. So I just lay low in my seat and hope no one really noticed.

"Idiot!" *smacks forehead*

--Cbake

Call Me a Woman If You Want, But I Love the Shoe Shop

2007-07-05T01:18:00.000-04:00

I'm still too excited about where my dad and I went this evening to even think about writing a coherent post about Halifax, Nova Scotia. So here's the shorthand of it.

The city is cool and fun. We spent the day walking the boardwalk along the waterfront where many musicians play their violins, guitars, and bagpipes (Nova Scotia does mean New Scotland after all... I think) in front of some very cool stores and restaurants.

Then we poked our heads into the casino. Then Dad lost $60 on slots (to his credit, he did win $50).

Then we came back to the hotel (not far at all). Then we worked out in the small gym.

Then at 9:00 PM our time, which is actually 10:00 PM THEIR time because Nova Scotia is on Atlantic Standard TIme, we went out looking for a restaurant that might be open after 10 on a wednesday night. Then the cool looking martini bar we stopped in had just closed their kitchen but suggested the Shoe Shop down the street. So then we tried that.

Holy CRAP am I glad we did.

The interior of the Shoe Shop (http://www.economyshoeshop.ca/) is like walking down a street, and by that I mean there are fake trees built into the walls with spindly, leafy branches of red and orange branching out across the ceiling, covered in yellow Christmas lights. To your left might be a structure that looks like a cottage, with little windows and wooden doors, and if you were to go through that wooden door, you would find a wholly different section of the restaurant, complete with its own bar, built to look like the inside of the cottage.

The entire restaurant is one surprise like that after another. I counted at least three separate bars for each of its different sections, whether it was inside a cottage, located within another section separated from the others by Roman arches, or located within the central "Outside" like area which even has street lamps to the left and right of your path. I'm telling you, this place was COOL.

My dad and I weren't sure of the procedure when we walked in, so I asked one guy who ran by "I'm sorry, do you work here?", which I have heard others unconfidently ask, as the employees dress like the customers, "What do we do for a table? Is your kitchen still open?"

I was told to sit anywhere; someone would find me. Well, Holy Hell, this place has like nine different alcoves, and I refuse to call them rooms because they were more like entirely different "areas" located within the same building. I'm amazed that this restaurant/bar was that big.

But it gets better. When my dad and I finished our dinner and drinks (which were excellent by the way; my dad had haddock and scallops, I had Thai shrimp pasta), we made our way downstairs to the Seahorse Tavern. There, we watched an underground hip-hop group perform their act as lots of gorgeous girls shook their collective thang on the dance floor.

It was incredible. The music was fantastic, the atmosphere distinctive and unique. There were pipes running along the ceiling, leaking in some points on the dance floor in front of the stage where Utterly Krisp and Dj Josh (I think that is their names, apologies if I'm wrong) rapped and spun. The bar to the left, which was a full 360 degrees, was guarded on the four corners by large, bar-to-ceiling iron seahorses with evil, glowing red eyes. Long, dark wooden bar tops made an L shape around the dance floor (this is where my dad and I camped, watching everyone else dance), and booths were tucked into the corners between dark red walls.

We had a blast. I can't really compare this place to any other that I've ever been to. It would fit perfectly in Chapel Hill, Charlotte, or Los Angeles. The underground hip-hop we were listening to was actually UNDERGROUND. Could it be any better? Oh yeah, there was NO SMOKING allowed. I've never had so much fun and still smelled so clean.

So let's recap:

Great music: Check
Great locale: Check
Great bar design: Check
Great crowd: Check
Great atmosphere: Check
Great, clean air: Check
Great lack of shady looking characters and ho-like girls: Check
Great fun on a WEDNESDAY night: Check

One girl breaking it down on the dance floor, however, was wearing a fanny pack. I won't fault her for it as she was cute and could dance pretty well and forced me to second-guess what I thought was "hip" and "in fashion", Perhaps it's making a comeback.

Photos will be forthcoming, but its very late, my camera broke earlier today, and because we didn't research the ferry times from Yarmouth, Nova Scotia to Bar Harbor, Maine (which actually don't run on thursdays), it looks like we'll be getting up early to drive up through New Brunswick and into Maine. Which means even less sleep for me tonight than earlier planne.

But it was worth it, because now I see Clone High is on Canada's version of Cartoon Network, and I can fall asleep watching that. The gods have smiled on me tonight.

And oh yeah, there was never any indication that today was the 4th of July, so I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything back home. 'Cept for Jennifer. I do miss her. But Happy 4th to everyone else! Happy Birthday America!

--Cbake

"What is Canada's Greatest Natural Resource? Dirt!"

2007-07-03T23:02:00.000-04:00

--Ren and Stimpy from "The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen"

Canada Trip: Day 3

Today? Not as eventful as yesterday. Yesterday= driving around Toronto, walking around Montreal. Today= sitting around in the car, shifting around the front seat. Today= driving 15 hours from Montreal to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Montreal at sunset from our hotel.

The Three Amigos, where we had dinner last night in Montreal.

And what did I see during the 15 hr trek through Quebec, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia? Well, today's blog title is a bit misleading, because by my estimation, Canada's greatest natural resource isn't dirt, but TREES. I tell you, it was interesting to drive through three different Canadian provinces today. Mainly, my dad and I were greatly interested in getting OUT of Quebec. Seeing French written everywhere in a place where you expected people to understand what you were saying was a bit offputting.

And yes, I realize it is our mistake for not researching the area and realizing French is the main language and that it is the 2nd largest French speaking city in the Western world outside of Paris.

My bad.

Don't self-photograph and drive.

But once we passed that state line into New Brunswick and began to see "Blah blah STREET" on road signs instead of "Rue de Blah blah *French guffaw*"... oh how we rejoiced. Though we did pass through a town called "St. Louis de Ha! Ha!" on the way to the border. That was pretty awesome.

I kid you not. It's Louis de Ha! Ha!, and yes the exclamation points are there. Look it up. Fantastically hilarious name for a town.

While most of Ontario and Quebec's geography didn't appear how I expected, New Brunswick was a different story and had that distinctly Canadian "look". What I mean is, lots and LOTS of coniferous trees and rocky, craggy hills. The kind of landscape where I expect to find flannel wearing lumberjacks, grizzly bears, wolverines, and moosen.

Yeah, Moooooosen. I kept my eyes PEELED for moosen today. That's my new goal on this trip, to see a moose. When I was in Hilton Head, SC, I wouldn't rest until I saw an alligator. On my cruise, it was a dolphin or shark. Here in Canada, its a moose or a couple of moosen (I know that's not a correct term, do yourself a favor and look up comedian Brian Regan, ok?). But I suppose I'd be satisfied with even some sort of large, grisly bear type creature.

But 15 hrs in the car yielded no moosen. Just more and more trees. But it's true what most people say-- Canada IS a very clean place, at least when you get up this far north. Its pristine. Barely any litter (and I want to hurt whoever threw those water bottles on the side of the road). There is virtually NO ONE else on the road when you travel the Trans-Canada 2 highway from Edmundston to Moncton on your way to Nova Scotia. Say that five times fast.

Truth be told, we could have driven straight through the state of Maine to get to Nova Scotia, but that route would have taken us around the many, many lakes strewn about its geography, and the line to get into the US of A could have been an hours long wait just to get to customs. So we kept the trip strictly Canadian and drove north, around the tip of Maine, then south and then east to Nova Scotia. Basically around your @$$ to get to your elbow I've heard some people say.

But not Canadians. They're too nice to say that. The ones not from Montreal, I mean.

PS. Here's a funny stencil we saw in Montreal. This was spray-painted on the outside of an old bank.

And this doesn't constitute as treason- I'm in Canada. Though if I was in America, he might commute my sentence if convicted, anyway.

--Cbake

You Haven't Had Buffalo Wings 'Till You've Had Them in Buffalo

2007-07-02T23:30:00.001-04:00

Canada Trip: Day 1

Yesterday marked the first day of the great Father/Son Baker Boy Road Trip to Canada 2007. As many of you know, every year I travel to Pittsburgh, PA for a big, Godfather style family reunion. Well this year my father starts a new job July 9th, and while we were already up in the area, he thought it'd be a great idea to take the new company car up to Niagara Falls, work our way up through Toronto, Montreal, and over to Halifax, Nova Scotia before taking a ferry west to Maine and driving down to Boston on our way back to Charlotte.

We left Pittsburgh around 1 PM and drove up to Buffalo, NY. There we asked around and found the ORIGINAL site of the very first "Buffalo" wings. They ain't named after big, furry cow cousins, all you Jessica Simpsons out there. The Anchorbar had some amazing wings. Fat, juicy, and tender, they hit the spot after a few hours of being on the road.

After another few hours on the road, we found our way to Niagara Falls where we walked around the park, which was a lot like Central Park in NYC only with roaring rapids that roar themselves over a cliff. And with a lot more Indians. Yeah. Lots of Indians up in Niagara Falls for some reason.

Then it was on to Toronto, which is a *very* cool city. Despite my seething hatred for Paris Hilton, we stayed at the Hilton Toronto in an executive suite (which means we had access to an open bar until 11PM). There we met a retired NFL lineman, whose name escapes me at the moment, and enjoyed fabulous views of the city from the 32nd floor.

There was a lot going on in Toronto that night. FIFA soccer had championship games being played, there was a Jazz festival going on, and because July 1 is Canada Day (their 4th of July), celebrating 140 years of the Great White North, there were fireworks in the air. Very cool indeed.

Day 2

Today we made our way to Montreal. Once you leave the province of Ontario and enter Quebec, EVERY sign is strictly in French, which worried us into thinking that maybe everyone spoke excellent French and only so-so English. We speak excellent English and god-awful, wretched, gibberish-like French.

We stopped into a Best Buy anyway to look for a DVD of an MTV cartoon from a few years back called "Clone High" in which a high school is populated by clones of famous world leaders like Abe Lincoln, JFK, and Cleopatra. It was cancelled in America because the country of India did not like the portrayal of Gandhi as a party animal. The DVD set was never released in the US- only in Canada.

Much to my good fortune, I found one copy of the DVD set. Much to my misfortune, it was only in French.

First impressions of Montreal are not as favorable as those for Toronto. Toronto was large, clean, and full of polite, friendly people. The city claims it is the most ethnically diverse in the world. Montreal, on the other hand, feels older, dirtier, and populated by unfriendly, French speaking snobs. I say that because some of the first people we spoke to were either in bad moods or are just plain snotty. I blame their language.

But we're having fun hearing people say "aboot" and "oot". Haven't heard one "eh" yet at the end of a sentence. What's up with that, Canadia? Tomorrow we drive 12 hrs to Halifax, Nova Scotia, and we hope to see some beautiful landscapes on the way.

--Cbake

Paris Hilton Released Today

2007-06-26T10:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Lord, here we go. Another long round of media frenzy surrounding a vapid waste of space who claims she's only been "acting" dumb her whole life and that she's now found God and is more spiritual than before.

At least, until she finds another guy to make a sex tape with. Oh, and then another car Mommy and Daddy bought for her to drive while drunk. I can't believe she actually has fans. And if you're one of them- shame on you.

That said, if I start hearing about her giving money to charity or helping out the homeless or working with non-profit organizations and actually being sincere about it (ie. not conveniently posing with a Holy Bible tucked under your arm as you exit a bookstore to prove you're suddenly "spiritual"), I might change my position.

But with her track record, that's not very likely.

--Cbake

Speed 2: Cruise Control

2007-06-14T21:37:00.000-04:00

I'm heading off on a 7-day cruise this week with Jennifer and her family. We're hitting up Cozumel, Costa Maya, Belize, and then Nassau in the Bahamas on the way back. I'm going to take plenty of pictures, drink lots of booze, and have tons of fun. Am I rubbing it in? A little? Well, I apologize. It's costing me money too, so don't hate me too much.

Jerome's response: "(lucky bastard)... so you've been to italy, the beach and the carribean this year... all you need to do is schedule the africa and asia trips. . . ."

And who says I haven't?

I'll see you guys when I get back!

--Cbake

Paris Hilton Released From Jail, Lindsay Lohan Breathes Sigh of Relief

2007-06-07T14:55:00.000-04:00

Well, it happened, just as we all knew it would. Despite being told Paris Hilton would not receive special treatment and after having her original sentence of 45 days in prison reduced to only 23, Paris Hilton was released today and sent home. The explanation? "Medical issues".

Reports had surfaced that Paris was not eating or sleeping in prison and spent a lot of time crying on the phone to her mom after 48 hours behind bars (no one's ever accused her of being spoiled). She complained of struggling to sleep amid a "noisy" and "freezing" cell with only three blankets and one pillow.

This girl needs a wakeup call. A wakeup slap upside the head with something other than a man's penis. *WHAP!* HELLO! That's PRISON you dumbf**k! It's not supposed to be comfortable! It's not supposed to be like sleeping in one of Daddy's hotels. There are people in this world who would LOVE to spend the night in a prison cell because they have actual *blankets* instead of cardboard sheets you had to shiv a hobo for just to keep warm that night.

But of course Paris doesn't realize that. I doubt it's sunk in at all that this is normal for a great many people. She gets cold and tired and loses her appetite, and instead of having an epiphany about the world and its problems and what she as a rich and elevated person of society could do to alleviate some of them and make this world a better place, she goes and cries to Mommy and Daddy and gets herself out of that unfairly small cell.

Paris was fitted with an ankle bracelet and sent home this morning where she will carry out 40 days of house arrest as punishment. "House Arrest" in this case is a joke. When you've got enough money for private chefs, swimming pools, waterfalls, and probably your own private zoo, where is the punishment? Is she going to spend 40 days musing about what she did wrong and how she can benefit society? Or is she going to spend it surfing the internet, tanning by the pool, listening to music, and watching movies at her personal, in-home theater?

I guess celebrities everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief; Lindsay Lohan especially, since her path is taking her toward getting arrested for drunk driving and posession of narcotics like cocaine. No worries Red! Just cry, stop eating (you already know how to do that, don't you), and proclaim that your state of mental health is deteriorating under such trying circumstances. Let this be a lesson to all celebrities in the future that you too can get out of jail free and spend some quality time at home instead. Sorry you didn't learn this tactic earlier, Robert Downey Jr.

All the rest of you normal folk put into jail are just gonna have to cowboy up.

And Scooter Libby- you now know what to do.

--Cbake

UPDATE: Apparently officials claim Paris has already served FIVE days in prison. For those of you playing at home, you know Paris was admitted Sunday night and released today, so that should only be three days, correct? Not if you're in Hollywood, home to fuzzy math. Being admitted sunday night counts as one WHOLE day. Then you have Monday (2), Tuesday (3), and Wednesday (4). Then, being released this morning at 2 AM, those two early am hours count as a fifth whole day. Retarded, I know. But then again, we *are* talking about Paris Hilton, aren't we.

"Army Wives" Premiere Tonight

2007-06-03T16:05:00.001-04:00

"Army Wives", the tv show I worked on last fall in Charleson, SC premieres tonight on Lifetime at 10:00 PM. I worked as a Prop Assistant and doubt my name will make it to the credits, but keep a sharp eye out just in case. In fact, this is the ONLY episode I worked on (the Pilot), so watch as much of it as you can whenever they repeat it. If they ever show any closeups of hand-written letters or addressed envelopes-- chances are that's my handwriting. Protest signs? Put them together but that's not my artwork. Big banquet scene? Yeah, I ran around like mad refilling drinks and putting on/taking food off plates. I can't remember anything else I can tell you to be on the lookout for, but I'll repost after I watch the episode tonight.

Enjoy!

--Cbake

An open letter to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

2007-05-08T07:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Arnie/Mr. Governor/T-800/Conan the Barbarian,

Word on the street is that pampered princess Paris Hilton is trying to get her fans to sign a petition to send to you, one that demands you pardon Paris from her 45 day jail sentence for violating her probation not once, but twice.

I don't think I need to implore you to deny or even ignore such requests. You're too smart for that. You know that someone like Paris thinks that with enough money and enough fame she can be above the law and the constraints that bind us "normal folk" to doing what's right, namely following the rules and laws laid down by those in government we elect to represent and protect us.

You cannot show leniency because she is Paris Hilton. You can not let her get off Scott Free simply because she says "She doesn't deserve this." You must be the Gubernator. Put your foot down. Drop the hammer. Blow up the building. Save the gir-- no wait, sorry, got carried away. That's the one heroic thing you *don't* want to do this time. It would be a severe mistake on your part and would show the rest of the country how you treat your fellow celebrities when it comes to matters of right and wrong in the eyes of justice.

So do what's right. Ignore the petitions. Laugh them off. Use them to light your cigars.

Paris Hilton deserves to go to jail. Let her serve her sentence.

Respectfully,
Hasta La Vista,

Cbake

"I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula."

2007-03-07T12:26:00.000-05:00

I bet you don't know who said that. Originally, I mean, I bet you'd never guess it was a vicious, pretty-sure-he's-deceased European dictator. No, it's not Hitler, though I wouldn't be surprised if he said something as crazy as that while drinking the blood of 400 virgins in the hopes it made him Immortal Dictator for Eternity in his struggle to conquer the entire world (except for Switzerland. Everyone loves the Swiss, what with their crazy knives and wholly holey, holy cheese).

No, apparently it was former Serbian dictator Slobodon Milosevic. Okay, he never *really* said that as far as WE know, but a group of Serbian Vampire Hunters known as the "Van Helsings" must have evidence to the contrary because they just drove a 3-foot wooden stake through the "dead" man's heart.

I think this is a wonderful new idea in dealing with the evil, monstrous men that lead the nations of this world. Saddam shouldn't have just been hanged. The Serbians are right, we should drive a stake through HIS heart too. And just to be safe, shoot him with a silver bullet (Hell, let's make it 12 silver bullets), adorn his corpse with a garlic necklace, quarter his body, set fire to each piece, douse him in Holy Water, and stab his brain with a pike just to make sure he's not a zombie either.

Hey, it's not disrespectful to the dead if he's already a member of the "undead", right?

--Cbake

"I had the sword extended, that's all!"

2007-02-23T00:03:00.000-05:00

So a man breaks down his neighbor's apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought the porno he heard was actually a woman being raped and crying for help... what's wrong with that?

Come on, notice how CNN goes out of its way to mention that James Van Iveren, or All-American Hero as I like to call him, lives with his MOTHER, playing it up for humor, as if that's some sort of prerequisite for being a heavily-armed weirdo. It's not like he can get away with watching that sort of thing at home. Believe me, I live with *my* mom too. So sue him if he can't tell the difference between stereo and real-life acoustics, between "acting" and real acting.

I own a pair of nunchucks. So sue me too if I have a penchant for helping those less fortunate, if I dream of performing a truly heroic and selfless act like all those heroes I read about in books, comics, and see on tv and in film. Arrest me if I ever burst down your door, twirling my nunchucks and screaming at 2,000 decibels for you to show me the woman I've heard screaming in agony downstairs. She needs to be saved, and I'm just the man to do it. Don't get in my way.

James obviously descends from a long-line of heroes. The cavalry sword is a family heirloom he says, most likely carried down from a war-hero ancestor. He probably gave his life for his country, charging into enemy territory selflessly to save a woman from being raped, and James wanted to live up to familial standards of heroism. His father did it, as did his father before him, and I bet you could trace James' family history five generations back and discover his great-great-great-grandfather slaughtered 600 Native Americans because he thought their war-whooping was the equivalent of white-woman-raping.

It's time the police recognize this man, this Hero for trying to do the right thing and drop those unnecessary criminal charges of trespassing and disorderly conduct. But I guess they're too preoccupied with rewatching those porno clips for "evidence's" sake.

--Cbake

Finally Joined the Masses

2007-02-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

One of the more annoying functions on the six-degrees-of-separations-and-connections website known as MySpace is the ability to have a song automatically start playing for someone whenever they bring up your page. Why does this bug me? Usually I'm not spending that much time reading someone's front page, going through their epic tome of interests and "About Me"'s. I'm just there to see their pictures, see if they're single, read their comments, and see if they have any friends I should know. Hot friends especially.

Call me a voyeur.

While I'm doing that, however, I don't want to have some annoying pop song (which too often it is), one that plays on the radio far too often in a one hour period anyway, playing in the background of said MySpace page. It just gets in my way, and I instantly press the pause button to stop the madness.

Now call me a hypocrite.

I happily joined the masses today in thinking people are interested enough in me to wonder what kind of music I listen to and am arrogant enough to assume they will like the song I decide to play for them. The first song played on my MySpace is "Knights of Cydonia" by MUSE, a blend of hard rock and what sounds like an electronic kazoo that creates a song that seems to belong in a futuristic sci-fi western film (which coincidentally is exactly what the music video is like; Best Music Video of 2007!). It's a twisted sister song to the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly", and it's awesome.

And yet, I have to complain about the way MySpace lets you place these songs on your page. Unfortunately, you can't pull a song from your own library and post it on your MySpace. You have to find the MySpace page of the band whose song you'd like to play, and then that decision relies on whether or not the band has that particular song playing already on their site. Usually, a band has about 5 songs that you can listen to on a little mini-player that sits on their page, and if you like one of them, you just click "ADD" and voila, it's playing on your page now as well*. Too bad most of the other bands I like don't have the songs I want to play on my space. I want my songs to mean something, to be good. I don't want to just pick some arbitrary song to play because they don't have the one I want available.

But what am I gonna do? Complain? Just did. Deal with it and find a song I like? Done too. Enjoy.

--Cbake

*IF you're over 50, I apologize for typing that paragraph completely in Greek

2006: The Best (and Worst) Year EVER!

2007-01-26T17:55:00.001-05:00

Well its almost a month late, but they say better late than never right? Those people who make up the mysterious "they"... so clever.

Anyway. As in previous years (2004, 2005), here is my list of the Best and Worst of 2006. I called this year's list the "Best (and Worst) Year EVER!" for a few reasons. For one thing, 2006 was a good year for the most part. It started out wonderfully. I had a great girlfriend whom I loved, and we had a lot of fun together. I had a good group of friends and we went out and enjoyed ourselves quite a bit on the weekends (and every thursday night too, just for good measure). I worked on a lot of commercials in the beginning of the year and made some good money.

Then the middle of the year came around. Work got scarce. I started to become uninspired and stopped writing. I just hung out at home all day, reading the paper and doing the crossword puzzles until I could see Jennifer. My girlfriend and her roommate (and my friend) Trent had a falling out in their relationship which strained us all. But there were some good things. I travelled a hell of a lot during the summer. I went to Florida with my mom and Jennifer for Easter. Then I went to Myrtle Beach with my mom and Jennifer. A week later, I hijacked the same beach trip that my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins took. Then I went to Hilton Head for the first time in my life with Jennifer and her family- that was a wonderful week. Lots of fun. And lastly, I went to Mexico with my brother, dad, and his friends. But the good times were soon going to end.

Then the worst part of the year, the second half of 2006 began. Jennifer and I took a break from our relationship. I was very sad. My 15 year old dog, Jazz, well his health started to deteriorate. Jennifer started spending a lot of time with another guy, someone who I thought was my "friend", and I use the term lightly. On September 11, we put Jazz to sleep. It was not a good time for me.

A week later, things started looking up. I got a call from the prop guys I worked with the previous year on "The Ultimate Gift" and they offered me a job on a tv pilot they were working on in Charleston, SC. I should have been happy, and it should have been fun, but surprisingly, the trip away from home made me feel worse. Living in a hotel room for a month, away from family, away from Jennifer and unable to try to work on our relationship for the better was depressing.

The work was good, though, so I shouldn't complain. On my return home in October, I made plans to attend some UNC football games with Jennifer, namely the games againt our rival N.C. State and the one on our Homecoming weekend. I planned to cook a really nice dinner for Jennifer and me. I was excited about Halloween and planned to carve pumpkins and go to a Halloween party at Trent and Jennifer's house. I thought Jennifer and I would get better. But then, after a week and a half of being home, I got yet another call for another job in SC, this one being two months long.

So I took it. It wasn't too bad, though we didn't have set days off, so the usual schedule was working 13 days straight and then having one day off before going to work again. I would take advantage of the 2 hr distance between Aiken, SC and Charlotte and drive up to see Jennifer during those nights off. We'd watch movies and go out to dinner. I thought we were getting better. Then I found out she had been hanging out with another new guy. Granted, we were on a break, but it still seemed disrespectful to me.

I missed the football games. I missed Halloween, the pumpkin carving, the parties. I missed everything I had planned because of the job. I missed Jazz. I missed Jennifer. I thought things were getting better between us, but I guess I was wrong.

Finally, I came home for good the second week of December and was very glad. At the end of the week, however, Jennifer and I broke up for good. That event sort of ruined the rest of the month for me. I didn't really care about, nor looked forward to my birthday the following week, though the surprise party with family and friends was terrific. For once, I didn't really care about Christmas that much. New Year's and thoughts of the inevitable, somber tune of "Auld Lang Syne", the first kiss of the new year, and memories of the previous New Year's Eve with Jennifer just depressed me. And then 2006 ended.

So that was the year in a nutshell. Good things: jobs, Jennifer, travelling. Bad things: lack of jobs, death of Jazz, the loss of the love of my life.

And so without further ado, here is the LIST.

BEST MOVIE - "V For Vendetta"
BEST SONG - TIE: "Crazy" by Gnarles Barkley and "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie
BEST MUSIC VIDEO - "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse
BEST TV SHOW, DRAMA - "LOST"
BEST TV SHOW, COMEDY - "Southpark"
BEST DVD RELEASE - TIE: "Seven Samurai" 3-disc re-release by Akira Kurosawa and "Kingdom of Heaven" 4-disc director's cut by Ridley Scott
BEST CGI CHARACTER - Davy Jones from "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"
BEST SPORTING EVENT - UNC beats Duke, men's basketball
BEST MOVIE PREVIEW - "300"
BEST MOVIE PREVIEW SPOOF - "10 Things I Hate About Commandments"
BEST SNL SKIT - "My D--k in a Box" by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg
BEST COMIC BOOK SERIES - Marvel's "Civil War"
BEST PARTY - TIE: Leslie Street's 24th birthday and 4th of July parties in Pittsburgh and at the Wilkinson's
BEST STORE FOR TIME WASTING - Border's Bookstore
BEST TRIP - TIE: Myrtle Beach and Hilton Head with Jennifer and her family
BEST GIRLFRIEND - Jennifer
BEST CEREAL - Cocoa Krispies
BEST PLANET - Pluto (bc I said so, damnit!)
BEST WHOLE BALL - Whole ball of wax

And now for the dreaded "WORST LIST OF 2006".

WORST MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE - "Little Man"
WORST SONG I DIDN'T LISTEN TO - TIE: anything by Paris Hilton or K-Fed
WORST MOVIE LETDOWN - "X3: The Last Stand"
WORST MOVIE FIGHT - Iceman vs. Pyro in "X3: The Last Stand"
WORST LOGIC-DEFYING MOMENT IN A MOVIE - the immediate transition from day to night after Magneto moves the Golden Gate Bridge in "X3"
WORST TV SHOW I DIDN'T WATCH - "Next" on MTV
WORST CELEBRITY OVERKILL - Brangelina and family
WORST CELEBRITY COMEBACK - Brittney Spears
WORST VILLAIN - Death, for taking my dog, the grandparents of so many friends, and, metaphorically, my relationship with Jennifer
WORST GIRLFRIEND - Jennifer
WORST DISASTER - the Iraq War
WORST DECISION BY ME - certain decisions made in my relationship with Jennifer, which won't be disclosed here

--Cbake

Damn you, Saddam!

2007-01-04T18:18:00.000-05:00

You manage to keep killing kids from beyond the grave!

--Cbake

Confession

2006-12-29T18:26:00.000-05:00

I play my music loud to drown out the realities of my life.

--Cbake

The Christmas Depression

2006-12-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

I know where the Christmas Depression comes from.

It comes from spending hours and hours at a mall, and coming up with no good ideas whatsoever for what to buy everyone in your circle of friends, family, and friend's family.

And so, a poem:

O, Christmas Depression, I know where thy origins truly lie,
From endless days spent in shopping malls, and as hard as we try,
No good ideas spring forth from our minds of what to buy,
I guess its gift cards for everyone again this year. Oh, *sigh*.

--Cbake

All I want for Christmas... and my Birthday

2006-12-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

Wow. Totally forgot about my birthday coming up one week from today. It sort of slipped my mind with all the work I've been doing, and in thinking of what to buy others for Christmahannakwaanzakkah, I forgot to think of what I myself wanted for the Christmabirthday combo.

Or maybe I just don't want to think about the fact that I'm going to turn 25. Time for the quarter-life crisis freak-out.

But for those of you who are wondering what kinds of gifts are up my alley, here's a partial list of goodies I'd like to play with.

THINGS I WANT BUT WILL PROBABLY BUY MYSELF

1. A Mac computer with Final Cut editing software
2. Nintendo Wii
3. Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess game for the Wii

VIDEO GAMES

1. Yoshi's Island DS (for Nintendo DS)

DVDs

1. The Green Mile: 2-Disc Special Edition (to replace the one that was stolen)
2. Cars (because its the first Pixar film I never saw in the theater)
3. Little Miss Sunshine
4. Come on, you know me, I'd be happy with any DVD. They're like extreme catnip for me.

ACTION FIGURES

1. any character from the show LOST, particularly John Locke

IPOD ACCESSORIES

1. something that will let me clip my iPod to my shorts or arm or wherever- just so I can run and workout without having to carry it in my hand anymore

BOOKS

1. World War Z by Max Brooks (collection of memoirs from survivors of the great zombie outbreak of the future)
2. The Last Christmas (graphic novel about Santa trying to find the last living girl in a post-apocalyptic world filled with zombies and mutants)

MUSIC

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - The Complete Recordings
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers - The Complete Recordings
3. Mario and Zelda Big Band Live CD - Amazon
4. Old Boy (soundtrack) by Yeong-wook Jo
5. Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest score by Hans Zimmer

Well that's just a quick list I pulled from the ether. I can't think of anything else at the moment, though I know lots exist; my brain has been a useless pile of mush lately. This list may be updated as I find more things I'd like in the course of buying presents for others. And of course, don't use this list as the end-all be-all of what you should shop for me. If you find something that you think I'll like, chances are I will.

--Cbake

'Tis the Season

2006-12-04T14:46:00.001-05:00

Friday was our next-to-last day of shooting on the film "Who's Your Caddy?", and our set was a bar called the Modjeska in downtown Augusta, GA. Apparently, Augusta residents have a monthly festival on the first friday of every month, aptly named, "First Friday", where they have people performing live music, selling crafts, cooking up good eats, and having themselves a good ole' time.

It was my 7th day in a row working, the day was growing late and I had just found out we'd be working longer than 12 hours. I wasn't in the best mood possible, and as I made my way to our truck to grab some empty boxes, I found myself walking in the small park where the festival was being held. As it was dark and chilly, there weren't that many attending, but Christmas Carols were being sung, wonderful smells of hot dogs and other foods were in the air, and a huge Christmas tree was lit up at the end of the greenway.

I got to the truck, complained to our driver that we'd be staying a bit later, and headed back to set grumbling to myself, hungry and wishing I could stop and eat some of those deliciously smelling foods.

But then, unexpectedly, things got better. When I got to the park, I found that one of my favorite Christmas songs, aptly named "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole, was playing over the loudspeakers. Young teenage girls and boys were flirting underneath the Christmas tree. A middle-aged couple snuggled together in the chilly air on a bench as I passed. Up ahead was a tent under which sat Santa Claus. And I mean, it was really Santa- white beard, long hair, round belly, jolly nature- the Spirit himself. But he was alone- no Elf or Mrs. Claus with him, and since there weren't that many people around, he didn't have many kids come to tell him their Christmas wish-lists.

I felt bad for him, but as I passed the couple on the bench, a mother and father came up with four young girls, and one was yelling "Santa! It's Santa come on!" The girls ran past me, excited and eager to see Father Christmas.

I turned around to watch, and just as I did, I saw that first girl run up to Santa and give him a big hug. As "The Christmas Song" came to a close, the other girls caught up to their older sister and jumped on Santa too.

It was just one of those perfect moments. The Tree, the teens, the couple, the music, the smells in the air, Santa, and that innocent joy that children have during this holiday season- it made everything, the whole day, the whole shoot, worthwhile just to experience that one moment where it all came together perfectly.

I went back to the shoot smiling.

--Cbake

F-you Sony and your PS3 too.

2006-11-18T17:02:00.000-05:00

Well the Sony Playstion 3 came out yesterday and people went stupid. I don't exactly blame you, Sony, for the dumb things that dumb people will inevitably do, but I will however hold you responsible for preying on the foolish and the weak.

Before I get to that, though, I'd like to explain why your PS3 "sucks", as the young kids like to say these days. For one thing, it's ugly. It's big and ugly and looks like an old DVD player of eons ago, not a next-generation gaming console. These things should be getting smaller, not bigger than our tvs.

Problem #2: You added a Blu-Ray DVD drive to your system. For those that don't know, the Powers That Be have created two new ways to watch movies at home that are better than DVDs. The new formats are High-Def DVD (or HD-DVD) and Blu-Ray. They are to DVDs what DVDs were to VHS tapes. However, just as it was back in the 80's with Beta and VHS, no one knows which format will come out on top and become the standard. For Sony to bank on it being Blu-Ray and not HD hurts the consumer because that format may end up being obsolete. They are taking a large risk in adding this to the system. So why bother?

Problem #3: The Price. Oh, that's right. Because you added the Blu-Ray DVD drive, you can now jack up the price so that the PS3 is the most expensive video game system in history with a base price of $500. Well, what self-respecting gamer is going to get the "base" system when he can shell out another $100 for the "better" system with 40 gigs more memory, wireless connections, and an HDMI output interface? People will look down on you and your kids will hate you if you don't get that version. Add in the cost of $60 games and expensive secondary controllers, and you're looking at blowing over $700 on this crappy machine.

Problem #4: Lack of Innovation. Two years ago at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), the early version of the PS3 had controllers shaped like boomerangs. It looked like Sony was actually trying to do something different with their new system. At this year's E3, the PS3 debuted with new controllers that looked... EXACTLY like the old controllers belonging to the PS2. What the Hell happened? Did they think they were cutting costs by just reusing the old controllers?

No. Sony realized they are pumping out the same crap over and over again, albeit with better graphics. They make absolutely no innovations with their gameplay experience. Nintendo, however, with their new Wii system has created an entirely new way of playing video games by making controllers that work as remote controls. Except in this case, when you move your controller up and down, a wi-fi connection to the machine means the character's onscreen movements will correspond with your own. If he's swordfighting someone, then you better swing that controller to parry and thrust. Playing baseball? Then swing it like a bat. Shoot it like a gun. Conduct an orchestra using the controller as a baton.

Sony said something along the lines of "We're not going to be using gimmicks with our new machine," clearly referring to Nintendo's new technology. But then Sony backpeddles, releases controllers that are identical to the PS2's, but different in one respect: it too now has motion sensory technology, albeit in a very lame way- the machine will only recognize certain tilting and rolling motions. And unlike the Wii, I'm sure it won't be utilized in every game.

So, that's the Playstation 3 in a nutshell: An expensive, overly large system with a DVD player that might be obsolete in a year with controller technology ripped off from a competitor. And oh yeah, it's supposed to have backwards compatibility with the PS2, but it turns out it just MIGHT not play every game correctly. So you better keep that Playstation 2 around just in case- don't take it to EBay just yet.

Now let's move on to Sony's business practices. This must be how the meeting in the big boardroom went: "How 'bout we only make a fraction of what we could actually produce? Let's give each store in town, say, only 6, that's right, SIX Playstation 3s. Then customers will have to line up around the block for days, facing ridicule and shame, building up clouds of body odor so offensive it will scare away other store patrons, but ultimately attract the vultures known as journalists with news cameras. Then, on friday morning, they can fight over who gets the opportunity to shell out $700 on our new system.

"The very next day, we can claim to have the 'Fastest-Selling-Game-Machine of All Time!' because virtually EVERY store in the country will have sold out of PS3s within minutes of opening! We can't lose!"

"BRILLIANT!"

Yeah. Way to go Sony. Thanks to you, we've had stampedes in stores in California where patrons get trampled. We've had stores broken into. We've had those fools who camp out overnight robbed at gunpoint. It's an expensive machine. What poor gamer wants to pay $700 when he can just go and rob those people in line, whom obviously have that kind of cash on them or they wouldn't be there in the first place? One man was shot because he refused to give up his money. He wanted your infernal machine that much.

So thank you, Sony. Thanks for preying on fools with money. Thanks for breaking childrens' hearts around the country because their parents couldn't take off three days of work to wait in line for a PS3. And thanks for not making enough of these, so who knows if the kids will get one for Christmas.

And to all of you @$$hole Sony Execs in training who buy the Ps3 and then turn around to sell it on EBay for $10,000, F$%K you too. You're a real inspiration to humanity, taking advantage of the handicapped like that. Because yes, there must be some sort of malfunctioning of the brain in people who will actually pay that kind of money for this thing. They ride the short bus to work. Fools.

Just don't do the same thing when the Nintendo Wii comes out. Or I might just have to wait another month like a normal and sane person. But who wants to do that when we're so used to having everything we want it at exactly when we want it?

--Cbake

The Problem with Being Stubborn

2006-10-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

I finally watched the season premiere of LOST yesterday. Great episode. Creepy imagery (handheld cam from the Others' perspective of the plane breaking apart and crashing to the island). Cool camera angles (camera attached to Sawyer's chest looking up to his face as he is dragged into his cage, ala some of the work in "PI") . All in all another great season premiere for the show.

As I watched the events unfold, as Jack struggled to escape his cell, as he tried to discover the identity of his wife's new love, I made the disappointing connection that he and I are not too dissimilar. He is a stubborn SOB. He won't back down when the chips are stacked against him. He won't do what's smart and concede defeat for the time being so that he can rally again later. He doesn't want to do anything that might, even in the tiniest, microscopic bit, suggest he is giving up.

Case in point, Jack attempts to pull a chain from the ceiling in the small cell the Others have placed him in. What's it connected to? I don't know. Will it help him escape? Perhaps. Jack doesn't really know. Then one of the Others walks in the room next to him, separated by a wall of glass. She asks him to quit pulling on the chain. She tells Jack she has brought food and water for him. All he has to do is stop pulling the chain, put his back against the wall, and allow her to enter and place the food on the table.

Now, to any normal person, this might seem a reasonable request. You're trapped, you have absolutely no control over the situation, the Others are in charge, why not go along with them until you figure things out?

But therein lies the problem. Stubborn people like Jack and myself will NOT admit that they are totally out of control. We like to think, even in the worst situations, that we have some tiny degree of control, that we can make things work out the way we want them to. Besides, these Others have kidnapped people from their group. They have killed innocent survivors from the crash, kidnapped children, dressed up in elaborate costumes, lied- why should Jack trust this woman?

So she asks for him again to stop pulling the chain, and yet he continues, probably not because he thinks it will do any good, but just because he refuses to take orders from one of his captors. She tells Jack that this shouldn't be about pride, that he's not really losing if he goes along with what she's asking, but he continues to pull anyway. So she leaves.

Here is the problem with stubborness. Had this been a normal, clear-thinking person in the cell, he/she probably would have seen the plate of food, the bottle of water and thought "Yeah, this chain thing isn't working out. Why not take a break and eat some food, so what." He/she would have stopped what they were doing, food would have been brought in, and both parties would have been happy.

However, when the captor comes across a stubborn person who refuses to go along with the program, a self-perpetuating cycle of control and rebllion is created. Whereas the captor would probably have never considered the idea before, the stubborn prisoner, refusing simple requests for protocol during feeding time, has now tempted the captor into creating a situation where the unwilling person's pride will be broken.

Which is exactly what Jack fears. He doesn't want to do what the Other says because that means his will has been broken, he has given up, he has lost. The Other never would have felt this way had Jack just done what she had requested because she would have never received any opposition in the first place. Opposition created the desire and the situation for breaking in the stubborn stallion.

So, a short time later, the Other returns. Jack is exhausted, bleary eyed and sore. She has another plate of sandwiches and a bottle of cool water. She tells Jack he is dehydrated and needs to drink to keep his energy up. This time, Jack relents. He puts his back against the wall and sinks to the floor, allowing the woman to come in with the food.

Instead of opening the door to come in, she opens the door to go out, turns and says "Thank you, Jack." She has just confirmed his worst fear. Jack showed them that he could be broken, that he would do as they say. All they had to do was wait. He thought he would get the food. Instead, he lost.

But had Jack relented in the first place, he never would have felt that he was losing to the degree he does later, and the Other would not feel as triumphant. That is why a trait such as stubborness does not do its user well.

I am the same way. I do not like to concede defeat. I have a terribly hard time just "letting things go". If I were in a situation where it might seem I was giving in, or losing by an action of mine, I probably would not think much of it until someone else suggested the idea that I was giving in. Then that stubborness kicks in, and I will refuse. The same happened with Jack. The Other told him he was stubborn and that putting his back against the wall was not the same as losing and giving in. But you tell that to a stubborn person and he/she will think that thought exactly.

Where does it come from? All my life I've been told I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it. Parents teach that to their kids today. Its an effort to right the wrongs of the past in which adults never pursued their career dreams. Perhaps other things got in the way; kids, family, relationships, other jobs. They don't want the same to happen to their kids, so they tell them a child can do anything if they try.

So I was taught from a very early age that I had limited control over everything I do. And I believe that, staunchly. It's extremely hard for me to accept, in certain situations, that I do not have control. Recovering alcoholics tell themselves over and over that there are situations beyond their control. It helps them to not get angry, to not feel defeated and lost when things do not go their way.

But that doesn't work with me. The idea that something is beyond my control is foreign to me. Sure, I can't control what people think, how they act, what they like or don't like. But part of me thinks I can sway them. By my actions, I can make them reconsider. So when things do not go my way, I don't think "This is beyond my control. Just accept it."

No. Instead I think "I can figure this out; I can make it work. I just have to figure out how." Why? Because I'm a stubborn SOB.

I can go with the flow. I can accept other people's viewpoints and calmly and intelligently discuss them. I don't try to change their ideas. I don't try to change people. I just try to change myself to adjust to the situation and to make it work.

Stubborness didn't work for Jack. Who knows if it will really work for me. One of these days I might find out the hard way and like Humpty Dumpty have a bad fall. But until then, I'll keep working at it, still believing that anything is possible.

Why? Because I'm such a damned optimist too.

--Cbake

Sad, sad news...

2006-09-04T04:24:00.000-04:00

Everyone knew an animal would be the death of him. But no one expected this. No one thought he'd go out this way. He was way too young. And way too fun.

Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter", is dead.

He will be missed.

--Cbake =(

"I've had it with these motherf#king snakes on this motherf#king Death Star!"

2006-09-03T13:34:00.000-04:00

--Cbake

"Juice me."

2006-09-01T21:39:00.000-04:00

--Crank

I just got back from seeing "Crank", a pumped up, steroid-ridden action film starring Jason Statham that looks like it was written and directed by someone who played "Grand Theft Auto" one too many times while on a 12 day coke-bender.

And I liked it.

Seriously, it's one of the most whacked out films I've ever seen, and that applies across the board: the insane story, the hectic directing, the dialogue, the over-the-top action scenes, the bats**t crazy editing. If "Requiem For a Dream" is the somber, emo-music listening, depressed artist in the family that locks himself in his room on weekends, this is the coked-out older brother action film that goes out on friday nights and doesn't return until sunday at 8 PM, just in time to watch "The Simpsons", and still wearing the same clothes he left in.

And I had a blast watching it. The adrenaline laced opening act was like the cinematic equivalent of a few lines of coke, I imagine. This is truly a film for the guys. It's got guns, car chases, fight scenes, sex, random humor, nudity, Amy Smart...

It's a live action video game, and the opening credits, with the title thrown across the screen in the blocky, pixellated fashion of an Atari game from the '80s with bright flashing lights, tells you you're about to go for a ride, baby. Satellite images from Google Maps zoom around the L.A. area and into the next location our hero is about to visit, the name of the "next level" thrown onscreen in big red letters. When our hero kills an enemy, he picks up their guns and ammo. Like the character in "Grand Theft Auto" he steals cars, causes accidents, goes on police chases, and then hides until the heat dies down. The only thing missing was a little window in the upper right-hand screen telling us how many points he has.

Stay through all the credits for a treat at the very end, the "video game" version of the movie in which our hero shoots gunmen (who disappear when they die) and gets "power-ups" that allow him to go into "RAMPAGE" mode. It's like Mario finding the Super Star that makes him invincible. Then it's all "GAME OVER" and "INSERT ANOTHER COIN TO CONTINUE".

Oh, and in case you don't know exactly what this film is about, this is all you need to know: Jason Statham plays a hitman who gets injected with a synthetic poison, and adrenaline is the only thing that can slow its progress through the bloodstream. If he stops or slows down- he dies. Boom, that's it, and the insanity begins.

I feel a little worn out now that I think about it. It's like I'm coming down from an adrenaline rush myself.

--Cbake

Jiffy Lube Scandal Alert

2006-08-29T12:09:00.000-04:00

This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by the letter "A". "A" for Atrocious. "A" for Amazingly Deceptive. "A" for @$$holes.

For anyone who's ever had any doubt when taking your car to a mechanic, for anyone who has ever gone to a chain such as Jiffy Lube to keep your car up to speed- watch this video.

Jiffy Lube has been caught in the act stealing your money and making no repairs. In fact, it seems to be company policy. Don't believe me? Just watch.

Jiff Lube Scandal in Three Parts

It's important to you and your family that this story gets spread and more people know of the potential scandals that await them when they try to get a car serviced. I will admit, I know absolutely ZERO about how a car works, and I know many of you are in the same situation. That frightens me. There's nothing we can do but rely on those we pay to help us.

Or we could teach ourselves mechanical engineering and learn how to service the car ourselves.

But I don't forsee that happening. So please, be wary.

--Cbake

"Close Encounters" Between Aliens and Humans Yield Interesting Results

2006-08-21T17:56:00.000-04:00

Hello all!

Time for something new with the blog. This next piece you will read is actually a term paper I wrote for one of my film classes back in the fall of 2003. I cannot remember what the prompt was, but re-reading the paper, I feel like I'm reading a review for the film "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". I know that's not what I was supposed to do (re: write a review as if I was a movie critic, and that's not what I did anyway), but I can't remember the assignment. However, it looks as though I was supposed to write about the film as if the reader had seen it. So if you haven't seen "Close Encounters", well why the heck not?! Sheesh. I think you'll still get my main point.

Anyway, this is the paper, just as it was when I wrote it almost three years ago. And I'm pretty sure this was one of many cases in which I waited until the night before to start typing.

Enjoy!

--Cbake

Christopher Baker

Comm 146

9-24-03

“Close Encounters” Between Aliens and Humans

Yields Interesting Results

“Close Encounters of the Third Kind” is director Steven Spielberg’s follow-up to his hit 1975 summer film “Jaws”. As with his previous movie, Spielberg once again takes an ordinary everyman and places him in extraordinary situations. This time, the everyman is Richard Dreyfuss, coming off the high experienced with the success of “Jaws”, as Roy Neary, an electrician in Muncie, Indiana who has a close encounter with extra-terrestrial beings.

The film begins as somewhat of a mystery in that the audience never quite knows the intention of the alien beings, though it is obvious they have been here before and are planning some sort of big event. Portents include the opening sequence, in which World War II fighter planes are found in the middle of the Sonora Desert, Mexico in pristine condition, and a research team led by Claude Lacombe (played by French filmmaker Francois Truffaut) appears to investigate. The planes disappeared in 1945 along with the pilots, and yet as the young French translator, played by Bob Balaban, notes to his colleagues, no one can account for what happened to the missing pilots. “I don’t understand,” he cries. “How the Hell did it get here?” He is speaking for the audience at this moment, and the film sets out to explain this odd phenomenon, though the events get stranger.

A single mother Jillian, played by Melinda Dixon, is woken from her bed one evening in a particularly creepy scene in which all the toys belonging to her young son turn themselves on and come to life, and she leaves the house in search of her excited boy who is presumably chasing aliens. At this time, Dreyfuss’ character Roy is lost in the area on his way to help restore the failed power to the region. He experiences a close encounter when a spacecraft appears above him and causes all the electronic equipment in the car to go on the fritz. This leads him to chase down the spacecraft and he almost literally runs into Jillian and her son on the road. There together, they share an experience that they will never forget.

It is after this experience that some of the film’s themes are explored. Of course, the idea that we are not alone is not new, but the way in which this particular theme plays out is. Roy finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with his experience, and this obsession begins to eat away at his personal life and his relationship with his family. The signs of this fixation are apparent almost immediately when Roy wakes his family up at four in the morning to share in the experience. Though the trek is fruitless, Roy will not give up, not even as his wife tries to romantically attract his attention. It is interesting that Spielberg places the actors back to back as his wife (Teri Garr) reminisces of the times they came to the same spot as youths “just to look at one another”. Roy is not fazed by her come-ons, and as she speaks and even kisses him his eyes remain fixed upward to the sky.

The audience witnesses the almost complete deterioration of his home life as Roy explores an image he cannot get out of his head, a psychic push that drives him to create mountains out of shaving cream and mashed potatoes. This is symbolic of an element of the human condition, the drive that pushes some people to ends they cannot understand, but ends they believe will have significant meaning. This can be any person, artists, writers, or musicians, anyone whose desire and work has pushed them to the edge, causing them to sacrifice family to achieve success and discover the truth. It is like a search for God, a quest to discover something bigger than oneself.

There is also the theme of communication and how it can make or break relationships. Roy and his wife through the entire movie are either not listening to what the other has to say or not understanding what the other is going through. Yet, communication is what will bring, for the first time, the aliens into contact with the human research team led by Lacombe. It is interesting that the form of communication chosen in this movie is musical and made of five various notes and tones, as well as its counterpart in sign language for the doe-ray-me aspect. The movie suggests music, like numbers, is universal and can be understood by all, or at least those with hearing.

There is also something here to be said about the power of communal experiences. Roy is not alone in his visions and obsession. Jillian and her son are experiencing them as well, and it is presumed there could be countless others who shared in this vision. Another portent early on in the movie comes from India, where hundreds of Indians joyously chant the same five note tune spoken of above and claim they heard it come from the sky. It is comforting to know one is not alone, that the experience did not just happen once to one person but to others who can speak about it together. Shared experiences bring people together, and the overreaching idea of the film is that it should be comforting, not frightening, to know that there are others in this galaxy we can communicate and share experiences with.

Spielberg knows about this power of the collective and the feelings involved when one understands he/she is experiencing an event with someone else, and he uses it to great effect during the scene in which the aliens make first contact. He pushes the camera in to specific characters to show the emotion on their faces, or pulls out to show a large group of people experiencing it the same way during this intensely emotional scene, revealing the amazement shared by all; the look he is famous for having his characters express during scenes of magical wonder in all his films. Not only does this work in terms of those onscreen that are sharing in this incredible event, but it coalesces with the audience’s feelings of wonder as well, feelings of wonder that stem not only from what the onscreen characters are experiencing, but that shared communal feeling that comes from sitting in a theater with a large group of people and knowing everyone is watching the same events and presumably feeling the same way about them. One can believe it when he/she tells oneself “This is really happening.”

Even the title “Close Encounters” expresses this desire and ability to be near someone or something else, and that is the crux of the film. It is about the search for truth, the search for others like oneself, the search for comfort, the desire to know more and to know there is nothing to fear. Above all, it is a film about the human condition, a theme Spielberg explores well within the context of the search for, and contact with, extra-terrestrial life.

Movies in Real Life Part III

2006-08-03T10:22:00.000-04:00

Apocalypto

"Apocalypto" is Mad Mel Gibson's new film dealing with the ancient Mayan culture and their attempt to stave off their perceived impending apocalypse by offering the gods a human sacrifice. Their choice of sacrifice, like most sane humans, decides to go on the run and spends most of the movie trying to elude his captors.

TONIGHT, Thursday, August 3rd at 9:00 PM, The History Channel will air a program called "Decoding the Past: MAYAN DOOMSDAY PROPHECY". It will discuss the Mayans' advanced knowledge of astronomy, architecture, and mathematics and how they used it to predict future events in the cosmos, such as when certain planets line up and how often the sun aligns itself in the center of the Milky Way galaxy.

Allegedly, the Mayans were able to predict when an allignment known as "procession", where the Earth completes a wobble around its axis at the same time the sun is in the center of the galaxy, would occur. That date is what the Mayans call Doomsday, the end of the world.

The date?

December 21, 2012.

That's right. My freaking BIRTHDAY. I always knew turning 30 would start the downward slide into adulthood. Now I have proof that turning 31 will be the end of all things.

And I used to think having my birthday on the winter solstace was cool.

"Apocalypto"s IMDB page

Program Summary of "MAYAN DOOMSDAY PROPHECY"

--Cbake

Movies in Real Life Part II

2006-08-01T11:58:00.000-04:00

X-Men 2

It looks as though I spoke too soon, for there seems to be another mutant hiding in the world, this one hailing from Mother Russia! No, it's not Colossus or Omega Red, its... its... THE GIIIIIRL WITH THE X-RAY EYYYYYYYYYYYES!

Yes, there's a girl in Russia who claims to be able to see through people's skin and detect the abnormalities affecting one's health. She cannot see through solid objects; only the human body, and yet she can't see through her own.

Some scientists were skeptical, and so they invited her to America to participate in some experiments, and the girl happily obliged. In the end, the scientists were not satisfied with her claims, but people still believe in her abilities.

Well it's a good thing she can't see through solid objects like Superman. Who knows what destruction she could wreak by... seeing through things and... and telling us where important things are... Like my lost car keys.

Wikipedia article

LiveScience

--Cbake

Movies in Real Life Part I

2006-08-01T11:50:00.000-04:00

X-Men

I've decided to start a new feature on this blog, one in which I bring to you true stories that resemble the fictional ones straight outta Hollywood. We'll start with the Superboy. Some of you may have heard about this superstrong tyke a few years ago when it was first reported.

To give you a basic overview, the story is this: Somewhere in Germany, a baby was born with accelerated muscle growth. A genetic mutation has given this child fully formed muscles and the ability to hold weights over 5 lbs with his arms extended.

You read that right: genetic mutation. Just like the X-Men. Could we soon see a rise in other mutant births? Telepaths perhaps? Kids who can shoot frikkin' laser beams from their eyes? Someone who controls the weather? Or maybe someone who has X-Ray vision?

Time will tell. Here's to hoping this kid grows up to be one of the good guys.

MSNBC Reports

--Cbake

A Story That Warms My Heart and Tastes Good Too!

2006-07-06T17:59:00.000-04:00

Former Coca-Cola employees arrested after stealing product secrets.

The best part of this story? When offered the secrets for a large sum of money, PepsiCo, Coca-Cola's biggest rival and arch-nemesis, alerted Coke to this leak.

From the story:

A Pepsi spokesman said the company was glad to help.
"We did what any responsible company would do," the spokesman said. "Competition can be fierce, but it must also be fair and legal."

Why does this warm my heart? In this increasingly unstable world in which I've yet to find my place, it's good to see that not all of the business community practices cutthroat tactics to defeat a competitor. Pepsi is an honorable company.

Hats off to ya.

--Cbake

Burn, Baby, Burn!

2006-07-06T14:58:00.000-04:00

Well it had to happen. A beginning is inevitably followed by a body, a middle, a post-beginning if you will. Therefore, my second political post was born. And his name was "Burn, Baby, Burn". Unfortunately, he's a little slow and behind the times, for he concerned himself with the recent Flag Desecration Amendment that went through Congress before our Independence Day.

This amendment was created in an effort to prevent the burning of the U.S. flag in public places, an event that is just soooo prevalent today anyway that I can't even walk down my driveway without having to push myself through hordes of hippies gathered around a flaming Stars and Stripes, and would make it illegal to do so.

First off, there are just so many things wrong with trying to outlaw political dissent in our "free" country, even in such seemingly small ways as banning flag burning. The most obvious problem with going down a path such as this is where that path will lead to. Proponents say burning the flag is disrespectful to our forefathers, our troops who fight for our freedoms, and the values and morals of this great country.

If flag burning were to be outlawed, what would be next? Couldn't someone just as easily argue that protesting a war is as bad? Or that publicly disagreeing with the President and decrying his name and his actions is as disrespectful and as harmful to our national character?

See, that's the thing about our "free" country. We were given the freedom to talk about our leaders, to publicly voice our opinions on our lawmakers and system of government, to in essence "talk smack" about everyone in charge. We can protest wars. We can assemble in large crowds bearing signs that might hurt the President's feelings. We can do this because our forefathers in England could NOT do this. They couldn't burn their nation's flag in an act of protest when they disagreed with their leader's choices, so we CAN.

For those that say flag-burning is disrespectful to those soldiers that fought and died in wars to protect us, they fail to see the most obvious point before them in that those soldiers fought and died not only to protect us, but to protect our freedoms, including the freedom of protest, even if it is formed in such a disgusting display as the burning of our flag.

Republican Senator Bill Frist tried to make the argument that it is illegal to deface a government building, and thus is should be illegal to deface a governement symbol like our flag. The difference he fails to note, however, is that a governement building is not your property. A flag you buy at the supermarket down the street, however, is yours and therefore yours to do with whatever you like.

Once one has looked into the problems surrounding freedoms of expression and personal ownership within this amendment, one must look at a possible reason this proposal was put forth in the first place.

It's not news to anyone that President Bush's approval ratings have been the lowest ever in the past couple of months. Support for the War on Terror in Iraq has waned as troop casuality levels have risen. With elections coming up this fall, Republicans are worried about losing their hold in the House of Representatives and the Senate. So, what's a good strategy to get independents and conservatives who are sitting on the fence as a result of their lack of confidence in the current administration to come back to the light?

Try and sell yourself as being more patriotic than the other guy.

Republican backers of the amendment know that most Democrats will pounce on this issue and say it violates the Bill of Rights' freedom of speech. Republicans can then use that against Democrats in the upcoming election, arguing that not supporting such an amendment is indicative of a candidate's lack of patriotism and thus his or her inability to be an effective government leader.

Is this the real reason the amendment was put forth? I don't know. But it sure makes sense to me. When more than half of the country is upset with the President and by extension his political party, I can see why those in charge would try to find a way to suppress political dissent in public.

Look, the main line is this: it's your flag, it's your freedom, it's yours to do with what you want.

Luckily, the Senate agreed and rejected the motion after it had passed in the House.

--Cbake

"Who am I? You sure you want to know?"

2006-06-19T22:33:00.000-04:00

--Spider-Man

I'm Spider-Man

Spider-Man		95%
Green Lantern		85%
Superman		75%
The Flash		75%
Supergirl		65%
Robin		65%
Hulk		65%
Iron Man		60%
Wonder Woman		55%
Batman		50%
Catwoman		40%

I am intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

I put this up mainly as a sign post pointing the way towards David's return to blogdom. However, I also couldn't help but jab at him and show the fact that I am 95% Spider-Man whereas he is only 85%. I'd like to think that extra 10 goes toward my amazing strength and agility, my extraordinary fighting skills, and my unmatched wit and intelligence. Unfortunately, however, I think that 10% refers to the homemade Spider-Man costume that currently hangs in my closet...

Even more disturbing is the fact that I am apparently more SUPERGIRL than Hulk, Iron Man, or Batman, who somehow even got beaten out by Wonder Woman.

Yeeaaaaah. Uh. No comment for that one.

--Cbake

George Dubbya, you so craaaazay!

2006-06-09T14:08:00.000-04:00

We've got oil prices going up the wazoo, Iran possibly making nuclear weapons, an insurgency in Iraq, Islamic militants taking over Mogadishu, Bird Flu spreading, poverty at home, and what does President Bush want to concentrate his efforts on?

Answer: Making an amendment to the Constitution that bans gay marriage. Because, apparently, gay marriage is the biggest threat to American families today. Yeaaaaah.

Anyone remember that movie "Wag the Dog" where the President's administration made a fake war to take the country's mind off the scandals and problems in the Oval Office?

That's why I say: George Dubbya Bush, You so craaazay!

--Cbake

World Cup Baby!

2006-06-09T14:02:00.000-04:00

Today begins the month-long journey for many countries around the world in their battle to win the esteemed FIFA World Cup.

Today begins my month-long zone-out in front of the tv at home or in bars as I attempt to watch every game in the esteemed FIFA World Cup.

Game One results: Germany 4, Costa Rica 2.

Go Italia!
Go USA!

--Cbake

Spooks or Soldiers?

2006-05-08T22:19:00.001-04:00

I don't make political posts often. In fact, this may be my first one, though I think of making plenty every day. Unfortunately, I'm never around the computer when these thoughts come to me, but you may see more in the future. Depending on where I am, of course.

Today's post regards President Bush's nomination of Air Force General Michael Hayden as the new replacement as head of the CIA after Porter Goss resigned friday. That's right, a military man to oversee a civilian spy agency.

Maybe this is crazy, maybe I'm just weird, but it seems right and normal and the common sense decision to nominate, gee, I don't know, maybe someone actually WITHIN the CIA to succeed Goss. Why go to a completely different sector of government, one overseen by the Pentagon, to find a leader? Why not just go to the Number 2 guy within the CIA, someone who has actual experience within the agency and one who knows how things work? When Goss became CIA director, we heard of all kinds of CIA agents and employees feeling ignored, left out, and disrespected. If Hayden is confirmed, I'm sure we'll hear of more.

I don't know. I just don't get it.

--Cbake

Greatest News Ever? Or Worst Prank in History?

2006-05-04T12:52:00.000-04:00

You decide!

"Saved by the Bell" goes back into Production: Saved by the Bell: The Thirtysomething Years

Zack Morris was my idol growing up. He was cunning, witty, and got all the girls all the time. Well, not all the time, but he knew it was a numbers game and took his rejections with grace and humility before hitting on the next hot girl that walked by. And let's not forget the fact that he and Slater were somehow on every sports team at Bayside High.

That show singlehandedly ruined my impressions of how middle school and high school were going to be. I was led to believe we'd have massive amounts of freetime with which to just "hang out" by our lockers. Anyone who actually went to school and fought through the endless hordes of students to get to your textbooks under a predetermined time knows that reality played out more like a video game or an obstacle course than it did the carefree loungetime on the show.

And "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" had me thinking our dorm rooms would be huuuuuge, and that somehow, my roommates and I would be lucky enough to share a ginormous common room with a group of hot girls who lived on the other side. I also thought my RA would be an ex-pro football player.

Then there was Kelly Kapowski. Ahhh, Kelly Kapowski. Every boy dreamed of having Kelly Kapowski as his girlfriend. I guess the show did get one thing right: There's always that one hot girl at your school that everyone has a crush on. She might be what I'm most excited to see on the new "Saved by the Bell" show if this story turns out to be true. Everyone had a crush on her, come on. And those of us that saw her on "Bevery Hills 90210" knows she continued to be quite hot. I mean, that's what I hear. I, uh, saw pictures of her on TV Guide and stuff when that show was still on. I didn't watch. Pssh.

...

Of course, on occasion, the show tried to interject some timely and important social issues into their stories. Zack and the gang fought in the Drug Wars in an episode where they discovered a "roach" in the bathroom after movie star Jonny Dakota comes to the school to film an anti-drug commercial. That episode coined the maxim "Would I do dope? Nope." The show also tackled drunk driving after the gang goes to a party, consumes one or two beers, and then proceeds to wreck Lisa's mother's car with Zack at the wheel. Funny? Not so much. Educational? Sort of, but cheesy episodes like that were what made the show great.

The potential to once again see "old friends" I grew up with is what's exciting about this story. Are Zack and Kelly still together? Do they have kids? Is Zack coming up with a million and one ways to become a millionaire? Did A.C. Slater go into pro sports? Or did he go into the military and follow in his father's footsteps? Did Lisa become a famous clothing designer? Is Screech still a bumbling fool, and if so, how the heck did he become the Principal of Bayside? Oh wait, Belding was the principal before him wasn't he...

Or did the whole group achieve their dreams of super-stardom with their rock band "Zack Attack" before falling from the heavens by failing to adapt to new musical sounds in the late 90's and going bankrupt after wasting their fortunes on faberge egg addictions, Buddy Bands, and a prolonged copyright infringement court case with Betty Crocker?

Of course, ex-stripper Elizabeth Berkely won't be coming back; her stint on "Showgirls" is still probably too recent and too risque for producers to want her back on a family show. Or, she could have declined, trying instead to focus on her movie career. I wonder how they will write her out? I suppose Jesse could have had a relapse and become addicted to caffeine pills once more.

Well, Adult Swim, you better not be yanking my proverbial chain. And you better make this show a darn good one, one as wonderfully cheesy and funny as the show before it with a large supporting cast of goofball teachers, squeaky-voiced nerds, and dumb bullying jocks to complement Zack's hair-brained schemes.

The show could go either way, good or bad, and thus it should create a very certain reaction in all of us, one illustrated by the single best quote in "Saved by the Bell", nay TELEVISION history:

(singing)
"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so *sob*... SCARED!"

--Cbake

Rudeness at the Gas Pump

2006-05-01T13:41:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned that I hate people? Not everyone mind you, just everyone I don't know. Seems most people I encounter are either rude or ignorant or have a little from column A and a little from column B.

Yesterday on the way home from Chapel Hill on I-40, I stopped at a gas station that had unleaded fuel advertised at $2.71 while pumps actually in Chapel Hill were priced at $2.91. I pulled up and saw that every pump was taken, and people were beginning to line up behind cars that were fueling. The closest pump to me was one outside pump, and because of the position of the car that was filling up and the location of my gas tank, I had to line up so that I was facing the car that was currently fueling.

Other spots opened up at pumps nearby, but I chose not to take them because people who were pumping would have had no exit because they were hemmed in on all sides by people who were in line. Of course, those pumps ended up getting taken away by people without the powers of observation, people who pulled up out of nowhere and skipped people who were in other lines and were perfectly capable of reversing and pulling into the currently available pump.

While I waited on the woman in front of me to get back from paying her gas and to start fueling, a car pulled up behind her car, so now both cars were facing me. This put me in the unfortunate position of being unable to get to the pump before the second car, since the first would have to drive off in my direction.

I should have gotten out and made sure that the second woman did indeed see that I was waiting in line, and was therefore next to have access to the pump, but I did not want to underestimate her own abilities and presume she was dumb enough to not see me through the first car's windshield, as I could clearly see her through it. I didn't want to anger this person by presuming she was stupid and then have her take the pump anyway, so I sat in the car and said nothing. Another car, a small Geo Tracker looking vehicle, pulls up behind the second lady, high enough to clearly see me and my car, three cars in front of her.

After waiting ten minutes, the first woman finally comes out and finishes fueling. I start easing up to the pump, but leave enough room for the first woman to pull out and leave. Sure enough, that second lady zooms up to the pump and takes my spot. I open my car door and step out, saying to the overweight woman who surely must not have made a mistake, as she could clearly see me waiting when she first pulled up, "Hey, you do realize you've just cut in front of me? I'm sorry, but I was waiting here first."

The woman sizes me up for a second, then breaks eye contact, looks away and says "I didn't see you," quite rudely, and turns her back on me to start pumping. I reply "Yes you did see me, and you just cut in line, I hope you know that."

Without looking back at me, she says "Too late to do anything about that now." My girlfriend Jennifer points out that at this point, if had it had been a mistake or even if it had not, the proper polite thing to do would have been to apologize and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'll make sure you get in next."

But before I can continue to communicate with this whale of a jerk, the third woman, the one driving the Geo Tracker, steps out of her vehicle and calls out to me "I'm next!"

I'm not rude, but I'm not polite either when I curtly reply "No, you're not."

"Yes I AM, I just pulled around the whole gas station," she says, and then she gets back into her car. Well that's it. I can't stand by and passively allow people to skip me after I've been waiting fifteen minutes for gas. I get out of my cat, slam my door, march right past the fat cow who stole my spot in the first place, and go up to the woman in the Tracker. As I approach, she's shaking her head and saying things I can't understand because her window is up. She has huge Bono sunglasses on too, so I can't tell if she's making eye contact or not, but I'm pretty sure she isn't, just as Orca Lady avoided my eyes, a sign that they don't want to communicate, negotiate, or even acknowledge that they could have possibly been wrong.

I say to the glass, and I say "glass" because this was like having a conversation with a brick wall, not a person, "I'm sorry, but that woman in front of you skipped ME. I was here first." The whole time I'm speaking, she's looking straight ahead, shaking her head, mouthing words and making hand gestures that I interpret to mean "I just drove around the whole station, I was here first."

"I can't hear you through glass, would you mind lowering your window just a crack so we can actually talk?" More head shaking.

I try to use logic on her, but a tactic like that is lost when dealing with people of this caliber. "Was that lady here when you pulled up? Was that person in front of you, RIGHT HERE when you pulled up the first time?"

She shakes her head "yes" and continues to mouth soundless words. I continue.

"Well, I was here BE-FORE that lady ever got here, don't you understand? She skipped ME first, I was here before either of YOU, and I was waiting on the first person to get out. My pump is on the PASSENGER SIDE, so I CAN'T line up like you guys. I had to wait on the OTHER SIDE of the car, and I was here before YOU TWO."

But she won't have any of it. She won't have a civilized conversation about this. To her, all that matters is beating me to the pump. It's just GAS, lady. Apparently that means more than manners, more than being polite, more than being human. Yeah, I went there.

I keep trying to get my point across, that the person in front of her skipped me in the first place, but this woman just can't seem to acknowledge the possibility that I was here before any of them, and keeps mouthing "I'm next, I'm next," as if she's giving up arguing with me, something that she never even participated in really.

I'm sure I'm making some sort of scene, that everyone else pumping up can hear me talking loudly to get through the glass barrier, but this woman needs to know she's wrong. Rude people who intentionally do things like this need to know they're wrong. I don't care if I get loud, I don't care how it looks. People like that can't get away scott free. They need something to remind them that they are in the wrong, so maybe next time they will think twice when they pull a stunt like this. Next time they may actually skip a much angrier and much more violent person than myself. Then there would be trouble.

It took all the strength I had not to call the woman a b--ch through the glass, and even more strength not to tell her "It's taking all the strength I have not to call you a b--ch through the glass." I walked away and just let it happen. Orca Lady pulls away. Idiot Woman pulls up. I just stand there, hanging on to the driver's side door and watch her as she pumps. I wish now that I would have gone back up to talk to her now that she was out from behind her sound-proof barrier of lies.

Another car soon pulls up behind the tracker. See, this side of the pumps had three pumping stations. The very first was out of order, the second, in which Orca Lady waited to skip me, was only for diesel, and the third was the one Idiot Woman was now at. This person who just pulled up has the gas tank on the passenger side, like I do, so he reverses into the pump. Jennifer asks "Do you want me to stand and wait behind the car so this guy doesn't take it?"

I reply "No, I don't think anyone else can be IDIOTIC enough to not realize I'm here waiting before them," and believe me I do stress the word "idiotic" so Idiot Woman can hear me.
She soon finishes fueling, and I call out to her "Thank you and good bye."

Luckily, the man at the diesel pump has just made a mistake, thinking the pump was a normal unleaded and premium pump, which is what I'm entirely sure Orca Lady and Idiot Woman thought when they arrived at what appeared to be two open pumps. Instead of rectifying their mistake by getting in line, they decided to just skip me once they saw they had the advantageous position of being behind the fueling car instead of in front, as I was. The man at the diesel did not have time to enact such a plan.

So finally, after much angry waiting, I was able to fuel up for my trip back home. That incident came close to ruining my mood for the whole drive back to Charlotte, and it's people like those two women that really make me hate other people sometimes and turn me into a misanthrope. They displayed two of the qualities I dislike most in others: rudeness and ignorance. Arrogance is another one of those qualities, but that's a story for another day.

--Cbake

Three Ways to Make Something Funnier

2006-04-10T20:23:00.000-04:00

Is your deadline rapidly approaching and you need to make a comic piece funnier? Here's an easy solution to make something bland and normal suddenly fresh and funny: Add midgets, ninjas, and/or monkeys!
Note: Won't work for conversations. This is purely for the visual.

MIDGETS*
Why? Because little things make us laugh. Little dogs riding little cars. Little elephants. Little kids hurting themselves. Mike Myers showed comic genius when he created Mini-Me, a perfect spoof of the tiny clone in "Island of Dr. Moreau", and "Wee Man" from Jackass showed us that little people can be cool and put themselves in dumb, dangerous situations just like the rest of us. Add a little person to give a little bit of flair to your story or film.

NINJAS
Because Ninjas have Real Ultimate Power and can totally chop off a person's head at any moment's notice. They're sneaky like that.

MONKEYS
Monkeys are funny because they are so much like us. They pick their noses and pee on each other. And don't even get me started on their love affair with flinging poo at people.
Want something funnier? Put monkeys in costumes and reenact scenes from famous films.

*CBAKE's PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*
Note that the term "midget" is today technically considered a derogatory term. "Dwarf" is used to describe a short person with disproportionate limbs, like Warwick Davis of "Willow" and "Leprechaun". The term "Little Person" is usually used to describe someone of short stature whose limbs are proportionate to the rest of his or her body, like Verne Troyer of "Austin Powers". Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

--Cbake

March Maaaaaaaaaaadness!

2006-03-24T16:06:00.000-05:00

Let me taste your tears, J.J.! Mmmm, yesss, they're sooooo yummy!!!

What better way to celebrate the return of Cbake to blogdom than with an article about Dook's loss in the Sweet Sixteen last night? So Carolina lost last week, but that's old news, so what. Admittedly, in one of my brackets, I DID pick UNC to go all the way. No one else had picked them to go to the Final Four, no one thought they could do it, but based on the way they played in the last half of the regular season, there was a chance. There's always a chance. And I took that chance hoping to come out on top, because if I was the only one to pick them to go all the way, then I would rake in the moolah in the production office pool.

But those dreams came crashing down last weekend in a piss-poor game that looked more like the inexperienced Tar Heels of late 2005 than the poised, entertaining Tar Heels of early 2006. We made terrible passes, we committed a large number of turnovers, we couldn't hit any of our 3's, and Hansbrough was ineffective in the paint. We didn't deserve to win, and we didn't.

But when your team is knocked out of the tournament, there's only one reason to keep watching: to cheer against Dook.

There's no greater satisfaction than watching the Dookies lose after being ranked number 1 in the nation for most of the season. Well, actually there is. That's seeing J.J. Redick's tear-stained face in the closing seconds after his last college game with Dook turns out to be one of his worst games ever. He made only 3 of 18 shots and was held to a low 11 points (tied for lowest this season).

An LSU player who guarded J.J. said he could tell Redick was getting frustrated. Every time he missed a shot, Redick would go and complain to the refs that they weren't calling enough fouls. During breaks on the sideline, you could see Redick throwing towels and pounding chairs in anger. Often during gameplay, Redick would do his trademark "dribble into a group of defenders, trip over his own feet, throw the ball wildly into the air, fall to the floor, and hope a foul is called" move, but this game the refs weren't buying it and LSU's defense was cautious.

Dook by the numbers:

Shooting percentage- 27.7
Total points- 54
Longest amount of time J.J. went without scoring- 20 minutes
Dook's lowest output in 10 years
Dook's lowest output in an NCAA game in 26 years

And remember kids...

--Cbake

Is it Fixed?

2006-03-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

Has my photo, profile, and lists of archives and recent posts reappeared?

UPDATE
Success!

--Cbake

"In the year Two Thouuuusaaaaaand!"

2006-02-22T16:55:00.000-05:00

--Conan O'Brien

Well folks, it's time for me to open that third eye, brush up on my sixth sense, and once again give you all a glimpse, a glimpse into...

... The Fuuuuuuuuu-tuuuuuuuure!!!

2005 was a great year for movies. At least, I think it was. The critics said so. The only Best Picture nominee I saw was "Munich", and I still only know George Clooney as the great comic actor from "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" and "Batman and Robin".

But 2005 had "Star Wars: Episode III", "Batman Begins", "War of the Worlds", "King Kong", "Narnia", "Munich", and "Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit"; great entertaining films I did see. I wish I had made it to "A History of Violence", "Good Night and Good Luck", "Brokeback Mountain", "Syrianna", "Crash", "The Constant Gardener", "Memoirs of a Geisha", "Cinderella Man", "The New World", "March of the Penguins", "Murderball", "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room", "Hustle and Flow", "Match Point", "The Squid and the Whale", and many many others, but fate, and my checking account, said otherwise.

There don't seem to be any massive blockbusters on the radar screen for this year. No films by Spielberg or Jackson, nothing from the big franchise films (save for a few superhero movies), and STILL no new movie from James Cameron. Seriously. Someone should wake that guy up and get him outta the ocean.

But without further ado, here is my list of films I'm looking forward to in 2006 (in order of release).

V For Vendetta
March 17

Based on a graphic novel I've never read, but produced by the Wachowski Brothers, creators of "The Matrix" trilogy. It's the story of freedom fighters in a future, totalitarian London, rallying against the oppressive government that restricts freedoms and uses secret police to enforce the new order. Let's hope this isn't truly indicative of our future in a fearful, post 9/11 world. This movie is also responsible for the always stunning Natalie Portman's surprisingly sexy, short hair.

Trailer

Inside Man
March 24

From Spike Lee (whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?), a movie about a bank heist. Sounds boring, right? Yeah, I'd think so too. Only this one stars Oscar winning and Oscar nominated actors like Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, Clive Owen, and Willem DaFoe. If they signed on, they must have faith in the project. The trailer makes it look like there will be some interesting twists and turns, so I think I'll be buying a ticket.

Trailer

A Scanner Darkly
March 31 or July 28?

Based on a novel by Phillip K. Dick, whose other stories went on to become "Blade Runner", "Total Recall", "Minority Report", and "Paycheck" (which some might want to forget), it's the mind-bending story of a drug-addicted cop in the future who's hot on the tails of a notorious drug dealer. The catch? He is the drug dealer; the drug is known for creating split personalities, unbeknownst to the user. Writer/Director Richard Linklater uses the same process he did for "Waking Life", in which he filmed the actors in live action, then had animators trace over their movements to create a trippy, surreal effect. Check out the trailers to see what I mean.

Trailers

Mission: Impossible: III
May 5

That's a lot of colon. What's it about? Hell if I know. What I do know is that the trailer looks kickass. That shot of an explosion knocking a fleeing Tom Cruise into the side of a car, whose windows are blown out from the impact, as a jet roars past overhead looks quite realistic, much more so than the helicopter shot from the end of the first one. It's helmed by J.J. Abrams, co-creator of my favorite show "LOST", and also stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman and UNC alum Billy Crudup. Say what you will about his couch-jumping antics, I still dig Tom Cruise. And nothing beats that theme song. Groovy, baby.

Trailer

X-Men III: The Last Stand
May 26

Whew, where to begin with this baby. Most of you know where I stand on this already. First, the cons: Bryan Singer, director of the first two movies, left this project to pursue his deam, "Superman Returns", which had a void in the director's chair when Brett Ratner ("Rush Hour", "Red Dragon") was ousted. Coincidentally, it was Brett Ratner who then stepped up to the plate to helm this project in Singer's wake. The problem is, lots of people don't like Brett Ratner. The other major problem is Fox Studios, like a jealous and bitter ex-girlfriend in a "nyah nyah" fit, decided to prove they could make an X-Men film without Singer, and chose to rush this into production without ample pre and postproduction time to truly make this film great. They're also touting this as the last X-Men film (who wants THAT?! I ask you!), but everyone knows money talks, so it sounds like they're going to pull out all the stops with this one and ruin any chance for potential sequels (not counting the Wolverine spinoff movie). Other things I don't like about the project: It was written by Simon Kinberg who wrote "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and the sequel to "XXX". They did not ask Alan Cummings to come back as Nightcrawler, the most interesting character of "X2". They've crammed a TON of heroes and villains into it, which suggests a lack of development and focus with regards to individual characters. However, here's what I DO like: They finally brought onboard the Beast, and they couldn't have picked a better actor than Kelsey Grammar to bring this intellectual furball to life. They've also brought in the Dark Phoenix, Colossus has a larger role (thank God), and there looks to be a killer war between the X-Men and Magneto's Brotherhood of Mutants with humans caught in the middle, something that's been alluded to since the first film. Here's to hoping this is a fitting sequel, deserving of the "X-Men" moniker, though I don't know how they can top "X2".

Teaser

Cars
June 9

The new PIXAR film. 'Nough said.

Trailer

Superman Returns
June 30

True, Fox may get the jump on Singer by releasing "X3" first, but Singer may have the last laugh, because it sounds as though he has knocked this one of the park, a sequel to the lost "Superman" franchise. And thank God he jumped onboard. This project languished for years with Tim Burton once attached to direct and Nic Cage playing the Man of Steel (he did just name his kid Kal-El) before it changed hands to McG (of "Charlie's Angels") and then Brett Ratner before finally being saved by Singer. Supes is played by an unknown, and that's key. Lex Luthor is played by Kevin Spacey, a choice that excites every fanboy. Lois Lane is played by natural blonde Kate Bosworth (brunette in this), and while I'm not sure she looks like the Lois Lane I remember, she's hot. So who cares. This film takes place after "Superman 2", and pretends that "3" and "4" never took place (wise choice). There is talk that Singer and co. took unused footage of Marlon Brando to incorporate his character of Jor-El into this new film, and you can see that in the teaser. If you never got the Christ-like references regarding Superman before, they're laid out for you in the preview below. Dig that John Williams hero music.

Teaser

Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest
July 7

YEAAARGH! Like "X3", I've written about this before too. Jack Sparrow is a wonderful character, and Johnny Depp rocks. Keira Knightley is beautiful, and pirates kickass. Especially dead pirates that are half-mutated sea-creatures too... Well, hell, it looks like there's a giant octopus attack in this one, and the swashbuckling scenes look likely to top those in the first film. I'd buy me ticket now if I could. Also glad to see director Gore Verbinski (of the first "Pirates" and "The Ring) is back to helm it. Yo ho, yo ho! A pirate's life for me!

Teaser

Lady in the Water
July 21

Like all of M. Night Shyamalan's films, not much is known about this one, except that its apparently... a bedtime story? Whatever. The trailer has some beautiful cinematography and peaceful music. I dig. It also stars Paul Giamatti and up and coming actress Bryce Dallas Howard. I dig. She's a beauty and will be playing Gwen Stacey in "Spider-Man 3". I dig even more. But back to the topic at hand, she's apparently a water-nymph (mermaid?) that Giamatti finds in the apartment pool he cleans. Interesting... sounds almost like the mermaid movie "Splash" that Bryce Dallas Howard's father, Ron, directed in the 80's, eh?

Teaser

Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
August 4

Will Ferrel is a NASCAR driver. Well, I'm a fan of only one of those nouns, so let's see if it's enough to get me in the theater. Produced by "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Undeclared" helmer Judd Apatow, and directed by Adam McKay of "Anchorman" suggests it could be very funny. I'm most interested in this because I worked on it for two days last summer, and it was shot in and around Charlotte.

Trailer

Snakes on a Plane
August 18

Snakes on a plane starring Samuel L. m**herf**king Jackson! "Let's combine two of people's greatest fears: flying and snakes." BRILLIANT!

No trailer

Idlewild
August 25

A musical set in Depression-era south and starring Outkast? Hell yeah.

Trailer

Grindhouse
September 22

Buddies Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez combine forces to bring you a movie that's two films in one, "Death Proof" and "Planet Terror" respectively. QT's is a slasher flick and RR's is a violent zombie movie. The two hope to capture that feeling of seeing grindhouse exploitation flicks in the 70's, and plan to air trailers for fake blacksploitation and sexploitation films in between the two features.

No trailer as of yet.

And there you have it. As you can see, aside from the two superhero flicks, this year doesn't look to have many big-budget, special FX heavy films like we've seen in years past. Hell, last year had Jedi knights, attacking aliens, giant gorillas, talking lions, and dragon-fighting wizards. This year has X-Men and Superman and... and... Pirates.

Here's to hoping it's a great year!

--Cbake

"Well, I'm not the president, so I don't deserve a fancy phone."

2006-02-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

--Arrested Development

My cell phone of five years, an old Nokia, finally died recently. I'm sure many of you remember this old dinosaur of a phone when you carried it around in high school or college; it was originally blue but came with interchangable covers of different colors and patterns to give you options when accessorizing your eveningwear. I myself didn't join the communications bandwagon until my sophomore year at college, but the phone stayed with me through all my trials and tribulations, trials that often resulted in the phone catapulting from my hands and breaking on the floor.

The phone did not have a color screen and predated the now standard camera function by a few years. It wasn't a flip phone, and it couldn't play real songs. It did, however, have a "Composer" function that allowed you to create your own ringtones, something I did with the help of an old friend who found the right combination of keys to press to give me the iconic "Simpsons" theme by Danny Elfman. For those of you who know me, I never changed that ringtone in the five years I used the phone, save only around Christmas when "Frosty the Snowman" was heard beeping from my pocket.

For the past few years, my mom and others have tried to convince me to get a new phone, but I wouldn't budge. You see, the phone's standard feature (that now seems all but extinct in newer models) of having interchangable covers is what allowed my phone to live as long as it did.

I'm not going to admit to being a clumsy man, nor to having butterfingers as it might decrease my chances of being picked quickly in impromptu touch-football games, but let's face it: I dropped that phone a lot. A lot.

When that phone hit the ground, however, the outer shell would burst apart at its seams, the keypad would fly in the air, and the core would bounce on the asphalt. The first time this occured, I thought for sure I had killed my phone. I quickly realized, however, that I could just slide the rubber keypad back over the core, fix the outer shell on both sides, and voila, it was as good as new.

You have no idea how often this occured. My most famous moment happened during my very first visit to East Carolina University with Laura Burdorff (girlfriend of one David Sloan). After a night of drunken revelry in which I left her to see my friend Graham, I tried to find my way back to the correct apartment we were staying at. I arrived at what I thought was the right door on the right floor, but after banging away for a few minutes with no response, I realized I actually had no idea where Laura was and where we were staying.

I started to descend the steps from the third floor of this alien apartment building and pulled out my phone to call Laura. An unstable, drunken gait caused my feet to slip out from under me, and my fingers couldn't grasp the phone during the fall.

I watched in horror as that blue Nokia sailed through my fingers, out of my hand, and into the dark night- right over the stairway balcony. I leapt to the edge and peered over in time to see my phone shrink into the distance and explode on the ground three flights below, an anguished cry escaping my lips.

I ran down the stairs (more carefully this time), and put my phone back together to most appreciately find that it still worked. I called Laura and (she'll back me up on this one because she loves to tell this story too) the first words from my mouth, in such a sad, sorry tone, were "My phone esploded."

After many similar events, I decided that I'd be better off not ever getting a new phone. The collapsible Nokia fit my... excitable nature rather well. If I were to get a newer, more complex, and ultimately more expensive phone, chances are I would have dropped it in three weeks and it would have flat out broken with no hope of repair. The phone companies would have loved that.

Which is why I don't think they make these phones anymore; the companies can't make as much money off of them. Newer phones today are overly complex and designed to have us spend more money. My replacement phones are much harder to navigate than my old Nokia. With my old phone, I knew exactly which buttons to push to dial my father or my voicemail without ever having to look at the screen, something that was quite handy while on the road. I could also change my profiles to go silent while in movie theaters or libraries by only having to hit three buttons.

Today's phone has too many functions to successfully navigate quickly; too many buttons, too many menus. To dial my father or go silent takes far more button pushing than it used to. New phones also seem to be lacking a "Composer" function, so now I will never hear my Simpsons ringtone, or create the theme from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", ever again.

That is, unless, I decide to purchase those tunes online. Yeah, that's right, a way for the phone companies to make more money! (At this point, you're probably thinking I am delving into conspiracy theory, and you're not that far off, really.) Newer phones come with horrible, bland ringtones, a decision, it seems, designed to get us to buy our favorite songs from the internet so we won't have to listen to awful chimes every time someone calls. Want a fun game to play? Well "Snake" is no longer standard, so I'll probably have to buy that too. Only if I can play "Mega Man" or "Donkey Kong Jr." on my phone will I be truly impressed.

Ah, old blue dinosaur Nokia, how I miss you. How I wish I hadn't dropped you in the cold night air onto unforgiving pavement. You still worked, just like you always did, your viewscreen a shining green beacon of functionality (a Bushism). Only now you had grown deaf. You could still chirp "The Simpsons" when my girlfriend called, but no longer could you and I hear what she had to say. No longer could I hear a ringtone when dialing my voicemail. The lines were silent.

And since one-way communication with someone is just a bad, bad idea, I decided it was time to let you retire. Special thanks go out to Leslie Street and Cynthia Wilkinson (my girlfriend's mom) for allowing me to use their old phones during my time of need.

But fear not, blue dino, if I can find a way to make you better, stronger, faster, without the need of six million dollars, you will come out of retirement and see the light of day once again.

--Cbake

"They killed Kenny! You bastards!"

2006-01-25T20:48:00.000-05:00

--Southpark

THEY KILLED HIM!
THEY SHOT THE PRESIDENT!

OH GOD! THEY BLEW UP MICHELLE AND TONY!!!

THEY'RE GOING AFTER CHLOE!

WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY DONE?!?!

I finally watched the first 2 hours of this year's season of "24" a few nights ago. I don't know whether it's the worst idea to kill off two MAJOR characters within the first fifteen minutes of the show, or that it's the best premiere of "24" .

EVER.

All I know is that my addiction has returned. As if "LOST" wasn't bad enough, now I've got "24" back in my life.

Speaking of which, "LOST" is about to start, and after two weeks of seeing the Monster and The Others, I'm interested to see what other surprises and revelations the show has in store tonight.

And speaking of addictions (lemme backtrack two subjects), I find that everytime I touch a computer, my internet addiction wanes. Partly because I cannot remember all those websites I used to visit and revisit ten times a day when I didn't have a job. And partly because I don't have access to my two-mile long bookmark list anymore either.

But when I have access to the web (like, it's in the other room at a friend's house), but I can't use it, I find it very hard to restrain myself from leaping out the room to check my email and update my blog.

And speaking of THAT, I do apologize that I haven't updated in weeks, but I've been working on two different commercials, doing the PA thing, doing a little stunt-driving, and everytime I am at an available computer, I don't have the time to write a good blog because my friends will accuse me of loving the internet more than I love them.

To which I say "No comment".

--Cbake

I'm only going to say one thing...

2006-01-06T09:35:00.001-05:00

... And it's that this guy is insane. And possibly a zombie.

So I guess that's two things really.

--Cbake

2005: The Best Year EVER!

2006-01-02T00:21:00.000-05:00

As with last year, it's time for my "BEST LIST OF (fill in the year)" because this would have been the fad to capitalize on two weeks ago. And apparently I'm still as slow as I was a year ago.

BEST MOVIE - TIE: "War of the Worlds", "Munich", "Batman Begins", "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"
BEST TV SHOW DRAMA - "LOST"
BEST TV SHOW COMEDY - "Arrested Development"
BEST SPORTING EVENT - NCAA Men's National Championship Basketball
BEST BASKETBALL TEAM - UNC Tarheels, 2005's NCAA National Champions
BEST WEIGHT LOSS - director Peter Jackson
BEST TIM BURTON MOVIE - "The Corpse Bride"
BEST STEVEN SPIELBERG MOVIE - TIE- "War of the Worlds" and "Munich" (two different movies from two different sides of Spiels)
BEST DVD RELEASE - "Undeclared- The Complete Series" (Best show about college freshmen... EVER)
BEST MOVIE PREVIEW - TIE: "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" and "King Kong"
BEST MOVIE PREVIEW SPOOF - "Shining" from Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining"
BEST CGI CHARACTER - Kong
BEST SNL SKIT - "The Chronic(what?)cles of Narnia" rap by Chris Parnell (NC School of the Arts alum) and Andy Samberg
BEST MOVIE THEATER - Phillip's Place
BEST MOVIE TO WORK ON - "The Dog Days of Summer"
BEST PARTY - the wrap party and afterparty for "The Dog Days of Summer"
BEST STORE FOR TIME-WASTING - Borders Bookstore
BEST CELEBRITY I MET - Greg Alan Williams
BEST GIRLFRIEND - Jennifer Wilkinson
BEST iPOD - 60 gig iPod video
BEST STEAK - filet mignon, medium rare
BEST SUSHI - unagi (eel) at Sushi Roku
BEST CEREAL - Apple Jacks
BEST FLAT ITALIAN PIE - pizza
BEST PIZZA - Hawaiian
BEST PLANET - Planet Earth
BEST THING OF ANYTHING - a bat carrying a block of wax

And now for the dreaded "WORST LIST OF 2005".

WORST MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE - TIE: "Stealth" and "Alone in the Dark"
WORST SONG I DIDN'T LISTEN TO - "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee
WORST BAND I ALWAYS CHANGE THE STATION FROM WHEN THEY COME ON THE AIR - Nickelback
WORST TV SHOW I DIDN'T WATCH - TIE: "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic" and "My Super Sweet 16"
WORST TV SHOW TO RIP OFF MY SCRIPT - "Reunion"
WORST VILLAIN - TIE: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and Mother Nature, that vengeful she-devil
WORST LOGIC-DEFYING MOMENT IN A MOVIE - Tara Reid as an intelligent scientist in "Alone in the Dark"
WORST MOVIE DIRECTOR - Uwe Boll of "Alone in the Dark"
WORST SPY JOB EVER - the Bush Administration and the NSA (who will probably keep tabs on me now for mentioning Zarqawi in my blog)
WORST JOB FOR LOSING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SLEEP - working on "The Dog Days of Summer"
WORST CELEBRITY OVERKILL - TIE: Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline
WORST CELEBRITY MAKEOVER - Lindsay Lohan
WORST JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON A COUCH - Tom Cruise
WORST DISASTER - Hurricane Katrina
WORST DECISION BY ME - To not work the first four months of 2005

And for this year only...

BEST, OR WORST DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, NAME FOR YOUR NEWBORN CHILD - Nicholas Cage's son, Kal-El Coppola Cage

--Cbake

Merry Christmahannuhkwaanzakah!

2005-12-25T00:05:00.000-05:00

I won't get into the silly debate between saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays". It's a ridiculous fight, and the two sides are both right and both wrong. Changing the lyrics to Jesus-centric Christmas carols for kids to sing at their Christmas pageants- wait I'm sorry- Holiday Singing Showcases, is moronic and lame. And stringing up lights and decorating a tree with ornaments makes it a Christmas Tree, not a Holiday Tree.

However, boycotting stores that say "Happy Holidays" in an effort to not exclude their many varied Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Shinto, Buddhist, Bahai, and "other" patrons, is *just* as ridiculous. The people that do this claim that Christians, which probably make up a whopping 80% of this country's population, are under attack and stores that do not use the word "Christmas" are taking advantage of the season.

What I can't wrap my mind around is the fact that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, NOT the giving and receiving of gifts. Admit it, Christmas has gotten very commercialized over the past few decades. So it seems slightly hypocritical to me when I hear Christians complain about certain stores using the phrase "Happy Holidays" and then speak of spending their money, on a multitude of gifts thus perpetuating the commercialization of an extremely important holiday, elsewhere. I feel like they've missed the point entirely and are fighting the wrong battle.

So in conclusion to this, and in reaction to that, I shall continue to just keep wishing people a very "Merry Christmahannuhkwaanzakah!"

I hope everyone has an immensely enjoyable weekend!

--Cbake

Happy Birthday to Me

2005-12-22T16:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. I'm now 24. One year closer to 30. Almost a quarter of my life has passed by, and that's assuming I live to be 100. No need to get depressed, though. I plan on living forever! Forever... forever... forever... forever... forever... forever...

I'm getting a tiny bit sick, so I spent most of my birthday lying on the couch watching an X-Files marathon on the SciFi Channel. It was glorious. For dinner I went to Ruth's Chris steakhouse with my mother, brother Nick, and girlfriend Jennifer. I went home fat and happy and quite close to bursting too. Thank god the waiter didn't offer me a waifer-thin after-dinner mint.

I made out very well in the birthday present department. So well, in fact, that I almost felt guilty because I had received everything I asked for.

Jennifer got me an excellent 5 megapixel digital camera from Kodak (my first digital camera, and it's an awesome one).

My mom got me some charcoal pencils and a pad of paper for charcoal drawings. Now I can pretend to be artistic again.

She also got me The Simpsons Season 7 DVD collection, as well as a used copy of The Ultimate Toy Box (containing Toy Story 1 and 2, and a 3rd bonus disc). My copy went missing a year ago, and this collection has been out of print for a long time. Very impressed and thankful she was able to find a copy

My brother, Nick, gave me five CDs full of his entire music collection, straight from his computer, as well as a CD of family videos he had taken with his digital camera over the years.

...Which leads to...

...The gift from my father, mother, and step-mom Paisley. They all chipped in and got me the 60 gig black IPod Video. Can you believe it? My mom was adament that I open it up (so she could see what an IPod looked like, she claimed), and when I opened the package, which was factory sealed, I was surprised to see the proective sticker on the IPod's screen had the sentence, printed in three different languages, "Don't Steal Music".

I then turned the IPod over, and underneath the protective seal on the back I was even more surprised to find an engraving. I looked closer and saw it had the words "Happy Birthday Christopher. December 21, 2005" cut into the IPod's metal backing.

I was amazed. It was the last thing I expected since the package was factory sealed. Nick said it was laser-cut and made some reference to the website, alluding to a special holiday deal perhaps. Either way, it was a great joy to find, and now my IPod matches my watch, which was my 18th birthday present, also with an engraving on the clasp (12-21-99, Love Mom & Dad).

So now I'm giddy and have a new IPod to play with. This will help on those long trips in which I always bring close to 20 DVDs with me. Now I can just upload them onto my IPod and plug them into any tv with an AV outlet (my present also came with the IPod Universal Dock and special AV cables).

In the end, even though I'm one year older (And booooy does 24 sound *old*. No offense to you 25'ers out there), I'm very thankful for my family and friends. And a special thank you goes out to all 15 or 16 of you that sent me Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook. Thanks for showing that you care!

--Cbake

"All I want for Christmas..."

2005-12-16T20:27:00.000-05:00

Crimony. It's December 16th, and I still haven't come up with a Christmas list yet. And oh yeah, I turn 24 on wednesday too. Eeeiiiyaaahhhhhuhhhuhuhu (disgusted Sideshow Bob sound). One year closer to 30, that's all it is anymore.

But to stay on topic, it's getting dangerously close to gift-receiving season for me, and without some sort of... numbered column of things that I... desire, like some kind of... list of wishes... how on earth will anyone know what to get me?

Never fear, The-Baker's-Dozen-Blog-Column-of-Things-I-Want is here! Jeez, there's gotta be a more economical title for this thing.

IPODS
1. 60 gig Video IPod. Why not?

DVDs
For starters, how about every DVD of mine that went missing last year?
1. The Usual Suspects
2. Leon: The Professional
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas
4. Sleepy Hollow
5. The Big Lebowski
6. Fist of Legend
7. Meet the Feebles
8. The Green Mile
9. Magnolia
10. Scream Trilogy Box Set
11. Toy Story: Ultimate Toy Box set
12. Akira Kurosawa collection: Seven Samurai, The Hidden Fortress, Yojimbo, Sanjuro
13. Rashomon
14. E.T.
15. Conan the Barbarian
16. Dogma
17. ...
18. ...

... Well, I'm sure there were more, but that's all I can recall off the top of my head.

Ok ok, let's stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future. As for newer DVDs, the list is as follows:

1. The Simpsons Season 7 box set
2. Sin City: Extended and Uncut
3. ...
4. ... Uhhh, crap. This is much harder to do this year without having the internet for research. And don't anyone point out the irony that I, in fact, have to be on the internet to even compose this post bemoaning my lack of access to it.

MUSIC CDs

Soundtracks (original scores)
1. King Kong by James Newton Howard
2. The Village by James Newton Howard
3. The Corpse Bride by Danny Elfman
4. ... I know there's more.

Musicians
1. AIR- Walkie Talkie
2. AIR- that other one with the other title...
3. Someone else that's cool

MISCELLANEOUS
1. Cool books
2. or gift certificates for cool books
3. art supplies to I can get back into being artistic
- charcoal for drawings
- water colors and maybe a book on how to get better with them
4. an Apple Ibook laptop? Maybe I should wait until the new year when they start making them with Intel Inside...

*This is the all powerful DAD, Cbake had to leave and I had to figure out how to format his list and add to the blog...who says you can't teach old geezers a new trick?

Cbake will return soon....good night son!

"There is a war coming. Are you sure you're on the right side?"

2005-12-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

--X-Men

X-Men 3 has happened. The teaser trailer hit this week, and it's chock-full of goodies, including our first look at Kelsey Grammar as The Beast, possibly the only actor who has the right voice and acting chops to give Beast the gravitas he needs to be believable. Also in the trailer is a peek at Ben Foster as Angel, the return of Jean Grey as the Dark Phoenix, Vinnie Jones (from "Snatch" and "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels") as the Juggernaut, Pyro, Iceman, and Colossus throwing Wolverine into battle, claws out, a maneuver known to comic book geeks as the Fastball Special (something they go nuts over, and I admit it is quite badass).

From the looks of it, the war that Magneto has alluded to in the past two films has begun. Magneto has grown his army, the Brotherhood of Mutants, and they're going to do their part in fighting back against the oppressive homo sapiens that fear and hate them. Of course, the X-Men will be there to fight back and defend those that despise them because, well, that's just the right thing to do.

I have reservations about the film, however. The director of the first two, Bryan Singer, left the project to make the new "Superman Returns" film, and Fox, in a fit of vengeful fury, decided to rush X-Men 3 into production just to spite him and to prove they could make a good X-Men film without him (and they hope to have it compete with Supes next summer).

Unfortunately, the script was rushed, and the rumor is that it pales in comparison to the first two movies (it was written by Simon Kinsberg, known for "Charlies Angels 2: Full Throttle", "XXX2: State of the Union", and "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", a mediocre movie saved by it's cast and backboned by a script I think even I could have written). Also, the director is Brett Ratner, someone who somehow got famous enough for making "Rush Hour" that studios can now say "A Brett Ratner Film" in his previews, as if his name is going to sell the film. Sorry guys, but he's not Spielberg, and many consider him to be a hack.

That said, the teaser has some very cool imagery, so I'm hoping for the best. I hear the subtitle for this one is called "X3: Last Stand", and it sounds like Fox is planning for this to be a closure to the X-Men trilogy (they will do stand-alone Wolverine and Magneto films in the future, however). Because this is the "last" one, there's always a chance some major characters may meet their demise... War is Hell, they say.

Here it is folks. Enjoy!

--Cbake

Much like the first moon landing, a milestone in human history...

2005-12-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention that it has officially been over a year since I started this blog. My first post, created out of boredom, unemployment, and a post-graduation depression was published on November 17, 2004. For those of you who've stuck with me from the beginning, through musings on early marriage, revenge on wife-beaters, and the great Demon Rat Wars of 2004- I thank you. I hope to entertain in the future with better writing, more pictures, and a committment to actually writing what I said I would, be it movie reviews or family anecdotes. Also, much like David, I plan to post some of the stories I wrote for my creative writing classes in college. He just beat me to the punch.

Thanks again for reading, and here's to a bright and better future.

--Cbake

"But why is the rum gone?"

2005-12-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

--Pirates of the Carribean

Who wasn't a fan of "Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl"? Who didn't dig Johnny Depp's crazed Keith Richards' impression that was the memorable Jack Sparrow? Who did not think Keira Knightley was the most beautiful woman on earth after seeing her in this movie?

I mean, what's not to like about the film? It's got a great lead actor, a beautiful and equally talented leading lady, great effects, and freakin' pirates, not to mention PIRATE GHOSTS!*

*Or is it Ghost Pirates? Korn? Anyone?

The great combination of action, comedy, and fantasy really made it a winner, and well, I'm looking forward to seeing the sequels, the first of which is set to come out this summer. Here's the preview.

And while this looks more fantasy oriented than the first (Davey Jones is a squid-like pirate spirit with a crab claw for an arm, and his crew seems to be made of other half sea-animal/half humans), it still looks like it has kickass swashbuckling scenes and wonderful production design. And Keira looks more beautiful than ever in that corset.

--Cbake

Assorted News and Junk

2005-11-29T23:46:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm, what to type, what to say...

Movie News
I am back in Edenton, NC to finish working on "The Dog Days of Summer". We wrapped on "The Ultimate Gift" last week. I got a nifty t-shirt and hat out of the whole affair. And oh yeah, loads of Experience Points too (soon I can upgrade from Prop Apprentice to Prop Master! Firebolt! Firebolt!).

I saw "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" and enjoyed the heck out of it. Still, I think I consider the third movie, "Prisoner of Azkaban", to be the best in the series.

Video Game News
The X-Box 360 came out last week, and I saw one at the local Best Buy. My brother proceeded to curse my name once he found out I didn't buy it and quadruple my earnings by selling it on Ebay.

R.I.P. Mr. Miyagi
Pat Morita died.

Thanksgiving X 3
I had three Thanksgivings last week: a pre-dinner with my father, brother, stepmother, and girlfriend wednesday night, a thanksgiving lunch with my girlfriend's family on thursday, and then a thanksgiving dinner with my family that night. It was a ton of food. Needless to say, I'm not fitting into my socks quite like I used to. That's right. I gain weight in my ankles.*

* Chris does not actually gain weight in his ankles.

Run, Forrest, Run
I ran the annual 8K Turkey Trot Thanksgiving Day morning with my dad and brother. This year I was able to convince my girlfriend Jennifer to join in on the madness, and she paid it forward by having her father and his friend come along. I hadn't run in months due to my busy schedule revolving around the movie (and boy did I feel it), but I reached my goal of coming in under an hour and of beating an assortment of old ladies and little kids.*

*Chris was actually beaten by a large assortment of old ladies and little kids.

--Cbake

Welcome to the 21st Century, Cbake

2005-11-13T16:07:00.000-05:00

In other news, I finally figured out how to add links to the right side of my blog.

"And there was much rejoicing. Yay."

Yes, there are only two at the moment, but as soon as I discover the secret to adding more links, you shall see them.

--Cbake

(By the way, how's that for a new record- Three blogs in one day! That oughtta make up for that month-long lull, eh?)

"Sick as a dog... going to vomit..."

2005-11-13T15:27:00.000-05:00

Has it been a month? Really? A month since I've updated?

No way. No flippin' way. No freakin' way I would allow my blog to degenerate into such a sad, stale state of affairs.

Well, I did. But I blame you, high paying job in the movies! And I blame you, total lack of internet access at home! I shan't take credit nor shoulder the blame for leaving you guys hanging on the edge of my last typed words many moons ago.

Work has been good, but it involves many long hours. The average workday is about 14 hrs, not counting driving time, and currently we are involved in a six-day work week. Fridays feel like thursdays, saturdays like fridays, and sundays are like a short nap.

With an increasing lack of sleep in my life, an inability to workout (blamed on the cancellation of my father's YMCA membership), a tired insistence on not running after work, and a poor "production diet" consisting of snack foods from the craft service table on set, it's no wonder my immune system is degrading.

The past few days have been awful. Each morning I am greeted with a steadily worsening sore throat that prevents me from talking or coughing. It tickles, begging me to cough and clear it up, but coughing only hurts and inflames the situation. Damn Catch-22's.

I think I have a fever at work, but I don't take my temperature because I'm afraid of what it might say, as if just knowing it's over 100 degrees automatically means I *must* visit a doctor. And since I'm without health insurance, I'd rather not know, if you know what I mean.

And I'm a stubborn fool too, a blog topic I've kicked around in my head before. I don't like taking medicine for the same reason I don't drink coffee. I don't want to feel like I have to rely on it to feel better, and I don't want its effect on me to diminish the more I take it. I don't need coffee to wake up in the morning and work. I've stayed up many sleepless nights editing videos, writing papers and scripts, and partying without the need of caffeine. And I don't want to get addicted to it.

As for medicine, I rarely get headaches or have any other pains, so I have no need to ever take it. When I do get hurt, however, I'm too stubborn to say "Yes, find me some Advil. Or Tylenol. Or Aspirin." I don't know what the difference is. Seriously. I mean, is there one?

I'll just grin and bear it and get through it as best I can. I've got some strange feeling inside that tells me if I take medicine now, for petty little pains, then the medicine will have less an effect on me and my troubles when I take it in the future at a time when I'm very hurt and need it most. Does that make sense? It's like a twisted version of alcohol tolerance. Drink a lot, and it will take more and more drinks to affect you. Take medicine all the time, and you start getting used to it, just as you get used to having caffeine every day when you drink coffee to "wake up".

It's the same way pesticides work on bugs. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and eventually you develop an immunity for it. So burn baby, burn, let that fever burn the sickness away!

Twisted, I know. But, like I said I'm just a stubborn fool.

So after a particularly crappy day yesterday in which I must have guzzled fifteen gallons of orange juice to sooth my sore throat (water only wets your throat while OJ coats and lubricates it), I finally caved in and went to the onset medic for some cough drops. To make myself feel better about finally buckling and asking "medicine" for help, I justified my weak decision by saying it would help me to not cough and make noise while we were filming.

So I took a cough drop. Or five. And then I took that throat spray that numbs and soothes, and I took a few more sprays than I should have, just for extra measure. But it didn't help that much, and after work I met Jennifer, Trent, and some old friends at an extremely smokey bar. And that just about killed me, I think.

But we moved the afterparty to an apartment that had much cleaner air, and then I went to bed and slept the sickness off. I think. Granted, I still feel pretty crappy now, but my fever has diminished and the throat is only 65% sore. So by comparison it's a huge improvement.

As far as work goes, it's going well. I've fired off an Ak-47 and an Uzi, chased chickens around with a giant, cartoonish green net, and I think this week I get to cut the head off of a frozen rattlesnake.

Ahh, movie magic.

--Cbake

"Yo Baker. Mad Props to ya."

2005-11-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

A Punny joke from friend Jerome when he heard the news of me getting a job as a Prop Assistant on a feature film.

--Cbake

You do get it, right?

I Got a Job! Part II

2005-10-13T21:54:00.000-04:00

I've got a new job and it feels great. Today was my third day working on the indie film "The Ultimate Gift", which stars James Garner and had at one point hoped to cast James Earl Jones as his best friend. It's shooting here in Charlotte, has a budget much bigger than that of "The Dog Days of Summer", and looks to have a great crew working on it.

I myself have been upgraded from lowly PA (Production Assistant) to highly regarded PA (Props Assistant)! Now, instead of doing all the crap work for the entire crew and production staff, I do all the crap work only for the props department, which is comprised of the Props Master, the Assistant Props Master, and me, the Props Assistant, or Third Props... Guy.

It's really not bad at all, despite my use of the vernacular "crap". The days fly by, working on the props truck. Unlike being a PA, where I rush in the morning, get things set up, then sit around all day until it's time to take things down- a time I dread because I always end up doing more work than most, running film to the airport or taking all the garbage bags to a nearby dumpster- my day as a props assistant is filled with numerous tasks that are both time-consuming and somewhat mindless.

Most of my day is spent in the Prop Truck doing assorted jobs like taking some newly bought rope, stretching it out to get the kinks out, then "aging" it by wetting it down and pulling it through some mud.

Or I have to scrape off all the price tags with Goo Gone from some cheap cups and plates that are supposed to be used by poor Ecuadorians. Or I take all the props I'm given and organize them in the truck by placing them in certain bins, labeling them "Flashlights and phones" or "Juices" (used to make fake tea and whiskey), or "Office Supplies", "Colorful Dinnerware", and "Fabrics: Bandannas and Poor People's Clothes".

It may not sound like much, but after they've asked me to organize the tools, drill holes in the floor so I can screw in bolts to lock the gun safe to the floor of the truck, and yes I *did* say gun safe, the tasks add up and end up taking a good portion of the day to finish.

So, for you violently inclined, we do have a gun safe on board, which we picked up yesterday, to hold the firearms we are going to use in tomorrow's shoot. Today I handled some AK-47s and Uzis as they were placed in the safe. My dad owns a few guns, but none of them are machine guns, so it was strange to hold the same weapons gang-bangers and militias use to kill people. Just like they do in the movies too.

Working in the Prop Department has been very beneficial for me. For one, the pay is infinitely better. For twosies, the two guys I work with, despite having worked on numerous Hollywood movies and shows (the Prop Master is from H-Dub, the Assistant from Wilmingon), they are both very grounded and both very cool.

After working on three movies and many commercials with directors from either NY or LA, I've come to realize there are two types of people in this industry. There is the type of guys who look to you as an adopted son, a fresh, young, naive face that reminds them of how they used to be just when they were starting out, so they are kind to you and show you the ropes. They become your mentor.

Then there is the other kind of crew member, the kind of guy that is disgruntled and upset with his job, the kind that is bitter about being a Second Assistant Director or something of the like, the kind that sees you as a threat, some young punk that thinks he is better than he is, someone that is vying for his job.

Luckily, the two guys I am working with are of the former and not of the latter, as I felt some of the people on the Will Ferrel movie were.

But the Prop Guys are great. Randy, the Asst.Prop Master from Wilmington treats me like a student and teaches me everything I don't know as we go through the day. Thanks to him and Dan, the Master, I am not afraid to ask questions about things I don't know for fear the boss-man might think I'm not qualified enough for the job. The last thing I want them to do is regret hiring me.

As proof of their good character, they did not fire me yesterday even though I showed up an hour late for work. To show up late in the movie industry is career suicide. People are fired instantly for that sort of behavior because if you show up late to a movie shoot, and you are very important as I'd like to think I am now, you can severely delay the production because you aren't there to help and someone has to pick up your slack and do their own difficult job at the same time.

*As a side not, I'm not usually late to jobs, but for some reason, I managed to sleep through my alarm for two hours. I don't know if I set the alarm for PM instead of AM, or if I turned the alarm off in my sleep. All I know is I did set the clock the night before but jumped out of bed in a panicked frenzy when I realized I had majorly screwed up.

Now yes, Dan did tell Randy to start looking for someone else in case I was unreliable, but Randy likes me and reprimanded me as a disappointed mentor would, reminding me that I'm getting paid very well (Union wages!) for an easy job as opposed to yelling at me and making me feel like a stupid toddler before telling me they wouldn't need my services the following day.

Anyone else and I would have been fired. The Will Ferrel movie? Fired. Maybe I just lucked out because the guys really really needed my help that day.

Anyway, my laundry is almost done (we need clean blankets for the actors tomrrow), and I'm getting up at 5AM to make sure I'm early for tomorrow's shoot which takes place in the Ecuadorian jungles of North Carolina, so I should expect to get very wet and very muddy by 8AM at least.

And I never went to go buy some workboots like I planned. I should be looking pretty attractive come tomorrow.

--Cbake

PS: Mark Freiburger is editing "Dog Days" at The Film Foundry, the same company where the production offices for "Ultimate Gift" is located, so today while picking up call sheets, schedules, and maps, I stopped by to check out how editing was going. He and his editor John-o showed me a trailer they cut for the film. And it looks... GREAT. They should be giving me a copy to show friends and family by next week. If I can somehow leak it online, I'll let you guys know.

Don't Anger the Locals

2005-10-10T21:36:00.000-04:00

And Don't Touch the Wildlife

Not having an internet connection has become detrimental to my writing process with this blog. No longer do I have much time to think of my next post because inspiration and . And no longer do I have the opportunity to write a first draft of a blog to reread and fix later.

My access to the internet is so rare that I have precious little time to come up with an idea for a new post and type it, proofread it, and edit it before I have to go home. And that annoys me; every posting I've made since I lost my internet access has felt rushed to me.

So this evening, while babysitting at my aunt's, wondering what topic to write my newest post on because my blog was long overdue, inspiration fell out of the sky and angrily slapped me in the face.

I got an instant message from a screenname I didn't recognize with the simple yet friendly greeting of "Who is this?"

I check his profile and see the standard "I LOVE YOU ____!" message that couples in love usually put up to show the interweb world they care about each other. Now the name in the blank space is a rare one for a girl, and I know of only one person with that name (who shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent). That one person is getting married next year, and I assumed this guy was her fiance and had found my screenname on her buddy list and was checking out all the names he didn't recognize.

So I responded and asked who he was, feeling pretty sure he was my friend's fiance, a guy I've met on a few occasions.

He responds "a guy from the 'town time left out'".

Oh. He must mean Edenton. He doesn't sound that happy and friendly anymore, does he?

He continues: "you know Edenton the town u trashed on ur web site".

Yeah. Definitely not happy.

Well, I take the bait and talk to the guy to see what he's so upset about, but I'm more impressed with the fact that he was able to find my blog (I don't know what he would have had to google to find it).

He says he doesn't appreciate what I said about his town and that "half of it is bs".

Well for one thing, I think if only half and not most of it is BS, then that's a pretty good record for a blogger. And for another, he never states what it is exactly I wrote that he's so upset about.

I apologize to him:

Cbake1369: "Well I apologize if you didn't like what I said. I wrote that probably 2 months ago. And what I wrote was either what I observed or what was told to me by someone who lived there. It was never meant to be disrespectful. Or for that matter read by anyone from Edenton."

I tell him I receieved an email from someone who was born and raised in Edenton and had stumbled across my blog. She thought it was hilarious and true, everything I had said.

His defense- "well she must not have been from here".

I find the post he responded to on my blog, one which he mistakenly thought was my newest update, and realize its the STD post ("Little Known Facts About Edenton"). Sorry, but when I hear that rumor from more than one person, from people who are from the town, I'll post it. But I'll still stay respectful and mention "...Or so I hear", because that's what it is, a rumor, even if it was spread by people in Edenton (and to the John Holmes High student who responded to that post "don't believe everything you hear", thank you for adding a rebuttal from the other side).

From here on out, I'll just repost the conversation and comment where I feel the need to. Again, his name has been changed to protect him from spam.

Edenton_Guy: "you had no business putting the things that you did out there on the web"

Cbake1369: "I apologized to you"
Cbake1369: "But my experiences are my business"

Edenton_Guy: "well if your business is going to be like that then it needs to be somewhere besides edenton bc we arnt the type town to deal with it"

Cbake1369: "May I ask what in particular you are upset about?"
Cbake1369: "I can't remember everything I wrote"

Edenton_Guy: "im not tryin to be disrespectful with this but the whole thing"

Oh good! Maybe this won't turn into an argument afterall.

Cbake1369: "no I understand. I dont want to be disrespectful or offensive either"

Edenton_Guy: "you lied about us not having a mcdonalds"

Wait. First off- you guys *have* a McDonalds? I completely missed it. Unless it's across from the Burger King, which I HAD established the town does have, though not in the historic part.

Cbake1369: "Wait- you guys do have a McDonalds?"
Cbake1369: "that wasnt a lie"
Cbake1369: "I didnt know you had one"

Edenton_Guy: "see you posted things that you didnt even take the time to check out"

So, just because I never saw one, it was my intention to create a bold-faced lie about the presence of a McDonalds in their town in an attempt to disrespect them? That does sound a tad ridiculous, doesn't it?

Edenton_Guy: "edenton isnt that big while you were finding all the not so great things then you should have looked around to see what we did have"

I explain that the reason I mentioned the lack of McDonalds was to give my readers who have never visited Edenton an impression of how small the town is, of how its the kind of community that doesn't like corporations in the thick of it all.

Cbake1369: "I dont even like McDonalds"
Cbake1369: "everyone recognizes it"
Cbake1369: "they're in Africa even"

Edenton_Guy: "thats right we dont really want a wal-mart"

Again, I explain that I think that's a great reason, that Wal-Mart's business practices in small towns stink, and the only reason I ever mentioned its lack was to show readers what Edenton is like, NOT to "talk smack" about it.

Edenton_Guy: "but did u look at the great stores that we had downtown that keeps our town up and running"

Yes. Of COURSE we did. We shot in many of them. We bought supplies from many others. We walked by them everyday.

Cbake1369: "Yes I did"
Cbake1369: "And I met and worked with many great people who were extremely helpful"

Allright, I think I may be winning him over...

Edenton_Guy: "u took every bit of good that we ever had and ripped it apart"

... Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Now he's skipped from point C to V. Jumping to conclusions. Making unfounded accusations. At this point I almost lose my temper. To accuse me of ripping the goodness of their town apart is almost too much, especially after ALL the great things I said about the town.

But he continues, responding to my mentioning that I worked and met with many great people.

Edenton_Guy: "i didnt read that"
Edenton_Guy: "where was that at "

Cbake1369: "Okay, now I don't want to accuse you of jumping to conclusions "
Cbake1369: "But I did no such thing"
Cbake1369: "ripping apart all of your good qualities "

Edenton_Guy: "well you go back and read what you wrote and tell me what good qualitites you put in there bc i didnt read anything but harsh things about how we didnt have a mcdonalds or a starbucks"

Please, dear reader, you go back and read what I said. Did that seem harsh at all to you? (Under "The Town that Time Forgot").

Cbake1369: "Thats not meant to be harsh"
Cbake1369: "Like I said, it's to give readers an impression about how small it is "
Cbake1369: "Again, I apologize if it wasn't clear enough"
Cbake1369: "If I wanted to insult your town, I think it would have been more obvious or hurtful"
Cbake1369: "But I have no reason to do so"

At this point, I find a quote from "Town that Time Forgot".

Cbake1369: blog quote- "It's like a Norman Rockwell painting here in Edenton. There are no corporations. No Wal-Marts, no Starbucks, no Subways or McDonalds. Just lots of big houses, a tiny main street, families, and racism."

Really. Does THAT sound so harsh and disrespectful? Anyone? Bueller? I didn't compare it to Mayberry. Just disregard the racism mention (a topic he never brought up, by the way).

Cbake1369: "Norman Rockwell is considered one of the greatest artists portraying Americana"
Cbake1369: "thats a compliment to your town, not an isult"
Cbake1369: "*insulr"
Cbake1369: "damn, insult "
Cbake1369: blog quote- "So far, the town has welcomed the film crew very warmly, offering to help us in any way they can. "

So I did what he asked. I found the passages he thought were disrespectful, the ones in which I did praise the town, and I start looking for more. But he makes one last response.

Edenton_Guy: "i think you and I hope you have no reason to come back bc what you said was rude and disrespectful to the people who live here"

And then he signs off. He's gone. I guess my evidence wasn't good enough for him, or he didn't have anything to refute, so he left. Angry too, no doubt, for which I am sorry. As I explained to him, I have no reason to be disrespectful to the town of Edenton. If I wanted to, what would be the logic in that?

The truth is, I DO have to go back to Edenton to shoot some pickups. Now I have to worry about this guy spreading rumors that some of the film crew hated the town and have been blasting it on the internet (totally untrue), and I also worry that the town won't welcome us when we return. I'm sure he's going to send this blog to others from Edenton, and it's my hope that they see my posts for what they were: the simple observations of one visitor who tried to paint a picture of the town with words for all those who haven't visited it.

Why would I want to anger the town that has helped us so much? Why, as an online representative of all of them, would I want to paint our film crew in a bad light?

That would be dumb, immature, and unprofessional.

And I'd like to think I'm the complete opposite of all those adjectives above.

So to you, Edenton_Guy, I believe I've apologized enough, and when you return to my blog, I hope you read the evidence with a clear mind and see my true intentions. And for every other Edentonite (is that correct?) out there, I hope you appreciate what I said like the one who emailed me did.

But Edenton_Guy, more thanks to you for giving me something to write about tonight. I needed that.

--Cbake

When it rains, it pours

2005-10-04T01:16:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, Sept. 26

Worked the Will Ferrell NASCAR movie tentatively titled "High Wide and Handsome". Did extras wrangling for 200 people. Saw Will Ferrell coming out of his trailer. Saw John C. Reilly at lunch. Almost bumped into Andy Richter with my lunch tray as we tried to go in and out of the same door. Didn't enjoy it. Stood all day out in the sun away from set. Got burned pretty badly. Got numbers from some girls, but I don't need them. Didn't learn anything. Doesn't matter that it was a Hollywood movie or not, I was still standing outside away from all filmmaking.

Wednesday, Sept. 27

Decided to work one more day despite me saying I wouldn't the day before. I had dinner plans with Jennifer at my grandmothers and didn't want to break them. Also planned to watch "LOST" but knew I'd be late if I decided to work. Got to know more of the extras and crew. Had a better time the second day but still wouldn't really want to do it again. Got to see some filmmaking outside. Saw the actor who plays "Ali G". John C. Reilly was late to set. Had the creator of "Freaks and Geeks", "Undeclared", and the director of "40 Year Old Virgin" ask me whether or not they were shooting inside when I was locking down the front doors. Was momentarily dumbfounded when I realized Judd Apatow was talking to me and didn't answer him right away. I went on a run to make 120 copies at Kinko's when filming ended but wasn't given enough money to pay for it. Jennifer went ahead to my grandmother's without me while I tried to finish up. I got to see just the second half of "LOST" and we had dinner at 9:30. Glad I worked two days. Now I can put it on my resume and maybe get into the credits. My shoes ate holes in the heels of my socks and gave me blisters.

Thursday, Sept. 29

Worked a commercial for DuPont and Tyveck Home Wrap with Jeff Gordon. Enjoyed the shoot because the director/DP likes to shoot fast, doesn't care about airplanes and cars for sound, and he finished the commercial before lunch. Went on a run for M&Ms and M&M dolls afterwards and still had to hang around until 5 because a photo shoot was going on. Got caught in an extremely fast and full downpour as I was taking away trash and pulling up signs. Got completely soaked and then took film to the airport. Jeff Gordon is short and has graying hair.

Friday, Sept. 30

Worked two more Charlotte Bobcats commercials, part of the same ad campaign I worked three weeks ago with Sean May and Raymond Felton. This time the first half of the day was shot uptown with Emeka Okafor. I didn't get to see much filming because I was locking down the set around the corner, keeping townies from walking into the shot. It was cold. Darn weather keeps changing its mind. Didn't get to have a proper lunch because I was told to go to Pike's Soda Shop (our second location) and start blocking off parking spots with cones for crew when they arrive. Ate some awesome honey and pecan fried chicken sporadically while saving parking spots. Nearly averted a disaster involving the RV we use for makeup/costuming, the catering van, and the director's car when we ran out of subsequent parallel parking spaces for the RV to pull into. I got lucky, figured it out, and looked good in front of everyone. Shot the commercial inside with some 7 foot tall European guy named Primoz. I locked down the set outside. The 1st AD from Asheville liked me, and he's in the DGA. Asked if I was opposed to going up to Asheville to work, told him no, so I hope to hear from him soon. Got asked to drive the camera back to Atlanta on monday but luckily I got out of it.

Saturday, Oct. 1

Didn't work. Hung out with Jennifer all day. She cooked us some awesome pasta with pesto sauce for a romantic dinner at home. I told her it tasted great but made the stupid mistake of ruining the mood by saying some of the noodles were hard. I slap my forehead internally and apologize profusely. We go see "The Corpse Bride". Tim Burton rocks. Danny Elfman rocks. The movie rocks but leaves me wanting more. Feels short. Great companion piece to "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Very well done. Awesome imagery. Great company. Lovely piano tunes. I want more songs like that.

Sunday, Oct. 2

Was asked at the last minute by someone I've never worked with before to drive up to Greensboro to drop off a casting DVD. I thought I'd have to do it earlier, but she called later than she said she would. I was afraid I wouldn't get home in time to watch "The Simpsons". My car was still in the shop, but I had my father's car, but he was coming back into town that afternoon and wanted to pick it up. Luckily, the coordinator who asked me to do this trip let me use her car. My dad called and wanted to get dinner at 7 PM, but I didn't think I'd get home until closer to 7:30. Left Charlotte at 3:45 PM. Got back to Charlotte at 6:50 PM. Spent half an hour talking on the phone and waiting for details in Greensboro. I think that's great time. I get home, call my dad and hope to meet him for dinner at 7, but he never calls back. Just shows up after 9 to pick up the car. I call Jennifer and hope to watch "Simpsons" and "Family Guy" with her, but she has other plans and doesn't call back until 10. I sit on the couch for a few hours and vege out.

--Cbake

PS: I turned on Word Verification when you leave a comment to prevent these blasted spammers from ruining what respect my blog has left. Blasted spammers. They beat me to it.