Trapped like a Rat...
The Demon Rat Wars: Update #2
Two nights ago I had a hard time sleeping. I wasn't troubled so much with dreams of killing that rat, the image of me shooting him replaying over and over in my mind (in slow motion), but I tossed and turned all night. Maybe the Ghost of Fatmouse was hovering over me, nibbling on my nose and keeping me from getting a restful sleep.
So around 4 AM I get up and groggily stumble to the kitchen, smacking my knee on the corner of a doorframe, so now I'm limping, half-asleep. We have a sensor-light that automatically turns on anytime there is motion in the kitchen, so when I step through the door, the lights go on and I'm temporarily blinded.
So here I am, disoriented and limping through the room toward the refrigerator. I need orange juice to make my sore throat feel better. Open the fridge door- No Orange Juice. No milk either (so there goes my breakfast in a few hours). No juice of any kind. Just lots and lots of water bottles.
I turn around disappointed, head hung low (Charlie Brown Christmas music plays in the background...*) shuffling my feet, and my half-closed eyes sense movement in the corner of the kitchen. At least, I think I saw movement? In one of those real-life cartoon moments, I take both hands, wipe out my eyes, and peer forward so I can see clearer.
My vision slowly comes back into focus, my eyes adjusting to the light, and there, in the corner, near the mouse hole, on the sticky trap that has already caught one mouse trying to smuggle a piece of dog food away, lies... another mouse.
And I thought the first one was just a loner. What the Hell. I'll deal with him later. It's too early for killing.
So I shuffle back to my bed and go to sleep for another four hours. I wake up. Sit at the computer. Skip breakfast (dry cereal sucks). Go back to the kitchen. Mousey still struggles. Put on clothes. Pick up trap. Take trap to edge of woods. Get stick. Start scraping Mousey off the glue.
My dad was able to scrape the first mouse off in seconds. I didn't see him do it, but either that mouse was only stuck on one part of his body, or my dad has some technique I couldn't master, because after five minutes of pulling and scraping and Mousey squeals of pain, I still couldn't get the little guy off the trap. I considered shooting the poor bastard with the pellet gun, but this guy was so small, the result would be the equivalent of a human getting hit with a cannon ball. And I didn't feel like spreading Mousey guts all over the yard.
So I tried harder, and after lots of stretching and lots of glue spreading, I was finally able to peel him off the trap and leave him to Mother Nature. I guess a cat or raccoon or owl will come pick him off. And then probably get the guy stuck in their mouths because of the glue, and then it's trapped in their throat and they choke on the mouse and die, and then... Oh no. Maybe this wasn't the best idea...
--Cbake
*Arrested Development reference
Two nights ago I had a hard time sleeping. I wasn't troubled so much with dreams of killing that rat, the image of me shooting him replaying over and over in my mind (in slow motion), but I tossed and turned all night. Maybe the Ghost of Fatmouse was hovering over me, nibbling on my nose and keeping me from getting a restful sleep.
So around 4 AM I get up and groggily stumble to the kitchen, smacking my knee on the corner of a doorframe, so now I'm limping, half-asleep. We have a sensor-light that automatically turns on anytime there is motion in the kitchen, so when I step through the door, the lights go on and I'm temporarily blinded.
So here I am, disoriented and limping through the room toward the refrigerator. I need orange juice to make my sore throat feel better. Open the fridge door- No Orange Juice. No milk either (so there goes my breakfast in a few hours). No juice of any kind. Just lots and lots of water bottles.
I turn around disappointed, head hung low (Charlie Brown Christmas music plays in the background...*) shuffling my feet, and my half-closed eyes sense movement in the corner of the kitchen. At least, I think I saw movement? In one of those real-life cartoon moments, I take both hands, wipe out my eyes, and peer forward so I can see clearer.
My vision slowly comes back into focus, my eyes adjusting to the light, and there, in the corner, near the mouse hole, on the sticky trap that has already caught one mouse trying to smuggle a piece of dog food away, lies... another mouse.
And I thought the first one was just a loner. What the Hell. I'll deal with him later. It's too early for killing.
So I shuffle back to my bed and go to sleep for another four hours. I wake up. Sit at the computer. Skip breakfast (dry cereal sucks). Go back to the kitchen. Mousey still struggles. Put on clothes. Pick up trap. Take trap to edge of woods. Get stick. Start scraping Mousey off the glue.
My dad was able to scrape the first mouse off in seconds. I didn't see him do it, but either that mouse was only stuck on one part of his body, or my dad has some technique I couldn't master, because after five minutes of pulling and scraping and Mousey squeals of pain, I still couldn't get the little guy off the trap. I considered shooting the poor bastard with the pellet gun, but this guy was so small, the result would be the equivalent of a human getting hit with a cannon ball. And I didn't feel like spreading Mousey guts all over the yard.
So I tried harder, and after lots of stretching and lots of glue spreading, I was finally able to peel him off the trap and leave him to Mother Nature. I guess a cat or raccoon or owl will come pick him off. And then probably get the guy stuck in their mouths because of the glue, and then it's trapped in their throat and they choke on the mouse and die, and then... Oh no. Maybe this wasn't the best idea...
--Cbake
*Arrested Development reference
posted by Cbake at 3:45 PM
2 Comments:
while packing lunches this morning, i heard a familiar voice. it was Hey Arnold on nick jr. but no. it couldn't be Arnold. it was so familiar. something in my mind kept questioning the thoughts coming from the tv. it was Hey Arnold, but yet, something was strange. a weird familiar feeling, like i knew this kid! (could it be i now think all children's voices coming from the tv have actualized and are now living with me? have i gone insane?). but no. the more Arnold talked the more clear it became. EUREKA! i do know this kid!!! Arnold IS Chris. Chris IS Arnold!
arnold narrates his thoughts out loud in the same way chris does and vise versa. for any who don't see this, simply watch Hey Arnold today. the obvious will speak for itself.
A.L.
QUIT WEEPING AND GO TO THE STORE.
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