And there shall be unto thee a plague of flies...

Demon Rat War Update #8

I must apologize to you loyal readers who have followed my exploits battling Demon Rat and his army in the bowels of my household. I do call it "mine" now, for my father moved out months ago and has left me in charge of defending this homestead. The fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) truth is that rat activity has practically ceased since my last update in which I released the POW Ratty back into the wild.

I gave him explicit instructions not to return. And, well... maybe he listened.

I haven't heard the dogs barking at night. I haven't heard the pitter-patter of tiny rat feet when I enter the basement. I haven't seen them climb into the crawlspace, nor have I found evidence of increased rat droppings in the area. And this puzzles me.

Back in January, we placed many packets of rat poison in key, strategic areas near their pathways, but they remained undisturbed after a few weeks. One packet that had been placed on the crawlspace ledge disappeared, but I chalked that up to the rats knocking it over as they crawled up and down the long, thin piece of wood to get to the ground. Their huge bulk had knocked the glue traps into the crawlspace before (or perhaps their abnormally high intelligence dragged them out of their paths...), so it was feasible they had done the same with the rat poison.

Well weeks go by, and still no word from the Enemy. I'm beginning to wonder if they migrated to some other house to take up residence. Or maybe there was infighting and mutiny, and they killed themselves in civil war. I find it hard to believe that the rats just dragged off one packet of rat poison, then each took turns chewing and ingesting it in some pseudo Rat-Heaven's Gate mass suicide attempt.

Then three weeks ago, the flies came. I didn't notice them at first, maybe there were one or two buzzing around the house. They were prominently in the kitchen, buzzing around windows, trying to get out, and often I'd slide a window open, but the stupid flies could never figure out the big gaping hole in the invisible force field was the way out.

Now, the door to the basement is in the kitchen, and when I opened that up, I immediately went into "Duck and Cover" mode. Five or six more flies hovered above the staircase, perched on the picture frames, clock, and assorted things hanging from hooks there at the top of the basement steps.

Note that these aren't normal flies, either. Just as these aren't normal rats taking up residence in my basement, these flies were abnormally, well, huge. They're like common house-flies that ate and ate, and just when you thought they'd stop, they kept eating until they looked like over-inflated balloons that were just on the verge of popping. Each fly was about the size of a penny; scary little buggers that dive-bombed my head with a loud, incessant BZZZZZZing.


I caught one and made him dance for me, the Spanish Flea.


Something similar happened a few months ago- large flies living in the top of the basement steps, escaping to the kitchen through the crack between the door and the floor. But it was never on a scale such as this.

One day I went down into the basement to feed the dogs, whose food and water bowls lie on the opposite side of the basement from where the rats reside. I decided to check the floor around that area for rat droppings, evidence they had been feeding on nuggets of delicious Dog Chow (disclaimer: Dog Chow really doesn't taste as good as they advertise*). I found a few rat presents lying about. Then I noticed more on the other side of the dog food bag.

Wait, these weren't little gifts left by Demon Rat and friends. They were dead, bloated flies. All over the floor. In one concentrated area. I started counting. One, two, three dead flies, four, five, six now lie...

All the way up to fify plus. Over fifty dead flies lying in this small patch of floor between the photo developer's sink, the bag of dog food, and a shelving unit. FIFTY! Can you picture it in your mind, this image of Fly Holocaust? It was like Fly Kosovo over there. Fifty dead, penny sized flies. Where the Hell did they all come from?

My mind struggled for answers. And then it hit me: Flies lay eggs in dead, rotting flesh. Follow along as my deductive reasoning decided that A. Demon Rat and his minions must have eaten rat poison, B. Demon Rat and family died, C. A fly laid its eggs in dead Demon Rat and company's bodies, D. The super-radioactive powers that made Demon Rat so big and smart were passed onto the maggots that feasted on his flesh, thus becoming abnormally large flies, to E. Rat poison was also passed onto the flies and thus they all died after a few days of adulthood.

Except I couldn't figure out why they all decided to die together in one place, just as a family should. Maybe they each took a sip of the spiked Kool-Aid together too.

My father came home and I showed him the Graveyard of Flies and told him my possible theory explaining their existence. Then he looked up and pointed to the window right above the Graveyard. And I smack my forehead.

Okay, so their deaths are explained. Their births are not. We can't smell any decaying carcasses, and still I wonder just how a fly got into the basement in the first place to get to the rats. For one thing, there just aren't that many entrances to the basement. For a fly to get in, he'd have to first come in with me when I enter the house, because we don't really have any flies inside anyway, then follow me into the basement when I go down. I guess it's feasible a fly would go under the door, but I mean really, I think I'm giving them too much credit for that one. Flies are too often looking for a way out, not a way in.

So where does this leave me? With a basement full of mysterious dead flies and still an unexplained absence of the Demon Rat Army. Maybe winter killed them. That evil winter, what a guy.

But spring is on our doorstep, and with that comes sunnier skies and warmer temperatures. But hopefully not a new army, refreshed and ready for battle. I just hope Demon Rat hasn't been hiding away, plotting, building up a force stronger than before.

Because come on, that's ridiculous.

--Cbake

*Second Disclaimer: I have never eaten Dog Chow. I have, however, tried certain doggy treats before, but that's a story for another time.