"Barney's movie had heart, but 'Football In The Groin' had a football in the groin!"

Since I know the world must be dying to hear more intelligent thoughts spew forth from my cake-hole (and I'm bored), I think I shall give many of you a very special glimpse, a glimpse into...

... THE FUUUUUU-TUUUUURE!!!

Dramatic flair aside, here are a few of the movies I am looking forward to in 2005. Without another "Lord of the Rings" film, 2004 felt kind of lackluster compared to previous years. Sure, we had "The Incredibles" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "Spider-Man 2", and a few others ("The Aviator", "Sideways", "Anchorman"?), but as a whole the year didn't feel great.

That said, I have high hopes for 2005. Here are some flicks that I think will give us some quality entertainment:


STAR WARS: Episode III- Revenge of the Sith

Jar-Jar Binks aside (and Midi-chlorians to an extent), the Star Wars prequels, despite not being close to their predecessors in quality, still offered some moments of unabashed fun. That all ends this year. I mean, all that crappy stuff ends, the fun stuff continues.

I've been reading a lot about the final installment in the Star Wars saga, and it leads me to believe that George Lucas might have really knocked the ball out of the park on this one. Let's face it, THIS film is the whole reason the prequels were ever made in the first place. THIS is the film that shows us the destruction of the Republic and the rise of the Empire. THIS is the film that shows us the beginning of the downfall of the Jedi. THIS is the film where we see Anakin fall to the Dark Side and become Darth Vader. THIS is the film where we see Obi-Wan open a can of whoop-ass on the Chosen One.

And we got wookiees. We got Luke and Leia as babies. We got more Yoda light-saber action. We've got a space battle that is supposed to rival the one from "Return of the Jedi", we've got more decapitations and severed limbs. We've got death, darkness, and destruction.

And all because Anakin makes a temporary deal with the Devil for, what he perceives to be, the betterment of the universe. It's a Machiavellian move that damns him and the galaxy. But at the time, the moment he makes those weighty decisions, he thought he was doing the right thing (Like Bush!), but it has dire consequences for everyone around him (like Bush!).

Well, I'm excited. Sorry to go on a rant there. But I believe this one won't disappoint.

Best-trailer-of-last-year

WAR of the WORLDS

From the H.G. Welles classic novel, this looks like a return to the classic Spielberg film. Starring Tom Cruise, this modern update of the sci-fi story that spawned countless films like "Independence Day", looks to be a little more faithful than the George Pal version from the 60's (time period and setting excluded). But let's face it, the Spielberg name and the source material is what really gets me excited. The only thing that has me worried is the timeframe in which this film has been made. Spiels and co. rushed into production to ensure that this will be released in time for July 4th. That means he will have roughly three months for post-production when most movies take six months (unless you're George Lucas, and you take a year out for special FX).

But if anyone can deliver, it's Spiels.

TEASER

KING KONG

Peter Jackson, fresh off the success of his "Lord of the Rings" trilogy is finally given the greenlight and the power to remake a film very near and dear to his heart (and Spielberg's too), "King Kong". The remake promises to be much better than the 70s version (with Jeff "The Dude" Bridges and a very hot Jessica Lange) with impressive sets and spectacular visual effects. The same team that brought Gollum to life will do the same for Kong, and Andy Serkis, who played Smeagol/Gollum will bring his experience and vocal talents to portray Kong in the motion-capture studio as well. It should be a welcome thrill-ride.

In case you didn't know, Jackson tried to make this movie back in 1997, but with the impending releases of "Mighty Joe Young" and the "Godzilla" remakes, Universal Studios was afraid the Giant-Monster-Movie-Remake market was cornered. And when "Godzilla" flopped, Universal said no and Jackson was crushed. But had they said yes, we may have never gotten to see "Rings".

Behind-the-scenes-Video

KINGDOM of HEAVEN

Ridley Scott, having made the Oscar-winning "Gladiator", but losing the Best Director award to Soderbergh, attempts to win favor with the Academy again with this film about the battles fought during the Crusades in Jerusalem. I read the script this summer while working for his company, Scott Free, in Los Angeles, and I was lucky enough to be privy to many of his hand-drawn storyboards for the film as well. And let me say I was mucho impressed. Orlando Bloom is the lead, and while he's yet to truly prove himself in such a role, the supporting cast is terrific: Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson, Liam Neeson, and Edward Norton (who spends the entire film behind a mask as Jerusalem's leprosy-stricken King) just to name a few. One thing you can count on with a Ridley Scott film is that the cinematography will be beautiful. The man knows how to wield a camera and how to paint a picture.

Trailer

THE LION, THE WITCH, and THE WARDROBE

Well it's about time someone tried to make this beloved story into a feature-length film. It's funny how this film was greenlit thanks in part to the success of "The Lord of the Rings", and how both authors, C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien were great friends. I don't know as much about this film as I should, other than the director of "Shrek" is helming this. What I find most important is, like "Rings", this is being shot in New Zealand and the FX company WETA will be in charge of bringing Narnia to life.

Featurette, not a trailer

SIN CITY

Never read the comic, but this nitty-gritty adaptation (Jessica Alba is hot) from Robert Rodriguez has an awesome cast (Jessica Alba is hot) and a very impressive style, taken straight from Frank Miller's iconic artwork. Did I mention Jessica Alba looks wicked hot in it too?

Trailer

DOMINO

From the other Scott brother, Tony Scott, comes this story of a real-life model turned bounty hunter named Domino. The script was written by cult-favorite Richard Kelly, who wrote and directed "Donnie Darko". I read this script while working for Scott Free over the summer and did a few breakdowns of it too. Unfortunately, I didn't get hired as a P.A. for the film (they must have heard about my burning desire to meet Keira Knightley), but I won't hold that against them. Tony is a flashy director and the script was cukoo-crazy. And again, this has an impressive cast too (read: CHRISTOPHER WALKEN). Looking forward to it. And Keira Knightley is hot.

No trailer yet.

BATMAN BEGINS

Finally, Warner Bros. gets their head on straight and hires someone who knows how to make QUALITY films, not crap like "Catwoman" and "Batman and Robin". Christopher Nolan, who made "Memento", is the director. Christian Bale is Batman, Katie Holmes his love interest. But it gets better: Liam Neeson is Wayne's mentor, Michael Caine is Alfred, Ken Wattanabe is Ras Al-Ghul, Cillian Murphy is the Scarecrow, Morgan Freeman is Wayne's business friend Lucius Fox, Rutger Hauer plays an executive looking to takeover Wayne's company, Tom Wilkinson plays a mob boss, and my most favorite casting, Gary Oldman plays Detective Jim Gordon (before he was Commissioner). Come on, this casting rocks. And Katie Holmes is hot.

Trailer

THE NEW WORLD

Writer/Director Terrence Malick is back with a film about the first meetings between Virginia settlers and the Native Americans who welcomed them. From what I've heard, it's a more realistic portrayal of the story of Pocahontas (plays a small part in the film, perhaps). Many didn't like it, some hated it, some loved it, but his earlier film "The Thin Red Line" about WWII is a favorite of mine. And like Ridley Scott, the man can show us some beaaaaautiful imagery.

Trailer

FANTASTIC FOUR

I'm really loathe to put this movie on the list, especially because it seems like they've screwed the pooch with it, but what the hey. It's a comic book. One of the definitive comic books for Marvel. But lemme tell you where they went wrong: the script, the director, the makeup.
I read a script for FF over the summer in LA, and it was AWESOME. Faithful to the source while making just enough small changes (like having Doom go up in the ship with the 4) to work for the movie, it piqued my interest. But what do the producers do? They hire someone to write a NEW script. And who do they hire to direct? Tim Story. I hear you-- "Who? Wha?" Yeah, Tim Story, that incredibly talented visual director who helmed "Barbershop" and the incredibly funny "Taxi" (I didn't see it, and in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic).

And then there's the THING. They took away his pronounced brow. You know, those big, iconic eyebrows. Now the Thing looks like a retarded burn victim. But that's only from photos. The trailer shows a weeee bit more promise. But I don't know. I'm hoping for the best, but it's hard to hope when I read such a great script that had such potential. And then they threw it away.

And did I mention that Dr. Doom now owns a business, not a country, and he doesn't make his armor, it GROWS? Yeah, Cosmic Rays gave him the ability to grow bio-armor and to shoot electricity from his hands. Sigh. "War of the Worlds" will kill this.

At least Jessica Alba is hot.

Trailer


So that's all. Sorry if I geeked out a little bit on my first and final movies, but that's who I am. Can't separate the geek from the rest of me. There are a few other movies that I look forward to seeing, but either I don't know enough about them (Tim Burton's "The Corpse Bride"), or I'm not sure what to think about the odd choices the filmmakers have made (Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" TEASER).

Then there's all the other films I forgot about. But here's to hoping 2005 is a rousing success.
And here's to hoping I get a job so I can pay to see all these films too.

--Cbake